I know we’ve had our problems in the past.
OMG. Dude, you have so many gates you could build a fence around the moon. Stop that.
Despite our past issues, I want you to know that on this day, I would write a sonnet about you. An ode on an urn. I’d haiku you. I’d hug you. I’d paint your portrait and hang it over my mantle. I’d blingee you.
Wait. I’m going to blingee you.
As a downtown restaurant owner, I don’t need to tell you, Hizzoner, that it’s already hard enough to fill a restaurant for dinner when the city essentially becomes a ghost town after six. One saving grace was that after 6:00, our patrons could find a free meter and therefore eating downtown didn’t have to mean shelling out additional money for parking.
With the new 10:00 p.m. enforcement, you have taken that ghost town and turned it into a zombie town. You’ve made it even harder to convince people that downtown is a viable option for dinner. You’ve put up a “YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE” sign with a sign underneath that says, “TRY THE SUBURBS. THEY HAVE FREE PARKING THERE.”
On my bitchy days, I’d say you have put up a sign that says, “Trespassers after 6:00 p.m. will be shot on sight.”
That’s a bit much.
But the blingee is not too much because of this:
In a move likely to score points with motorists, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl on Thursday suggested dropping the expanded parking enforcement hours that took effect June 1 as an indirect part of city council’s pension bailout.
I’m going to hug you. Wait. No, I’ll blingee you again.
The dancing cats might be a bit much. Plus, they’re not in sync. I’d buzz them if this was America’s Got Talent.
Look, if downtown was already vibrant after 6:00 p.m., I wouldn’t bat an eyelash at the meter enforcement extension. But you’ve got to FIRST get Burghers used to downtown after 6:00 p.m. before you start punishing them for being downtown after 6:00 p.m. And you can’t make the comparison to other cities who enforce meters that late into the night. Those cities aren’t zombie-towns as soon as night falls.
I am just so damned tired of hearing city council and you go on about WE NEED MORE REVENUE. WE NEED MORE TAXES. WE NEED MORE REVENUE. MONEY MONEY MONEY. NOM NOM NOM. And rarely, oh, so rarely, do I ever hear, “WE NEED TO CUT EXPENSES. WE NEED TO TRIM THE FAT. WE NEED TO GO DEPARTMENT BY DEPARTMENT AND SEE WHERE WE CAN SAVE.”
I once temped in a city office for a few weeks and I can tell you for a fact that there was GROSS WASTE. Despite being a college student with plenty of skills and smarts that could have been put to use, I was only hired to sit at a desk and read my books every day from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. because the department needed to spend some money at the end of the fiscal year so their budget didn’t get cut. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the skills to do anything for them, they just didn’t have anything for me to do. Other Burghers have told me similar stories. That’s ridiculous. That’s like spending a quarter of a million dollars for 250 trashcans with your name on them.
Lukey, if you somehow manage to get the downtown 10:00 p.m. meter enforcement rescinded, you are going to gain lots of points with lots of Burghers. As for me, I may not become your number one fan, but I sure as hell will blingee the shit out of you.