Gotham has a new villain.

While the Petunia Desperado continues to lay low knowing we have a picture of her and while the Enthusiastic Rogue Tree Pruner hasn’t been heard from in ages, probably planning an epic pruning of some untidy North Shore trees, and while the ninjas remain invisible and the taser-resistant drunks are probably in a warehouse somewhere drinking Buds and tasering each other to build up their resistance, a new villain has kicked down the door to Gotham and made himself known.

The Sharply Dressed Penny Thief.

[bloody murder scream!]

Police are looking for a sharp-dressed man who broke into a western Pennsylvania dollar store but who, apparently, stole only pennies.Uniontown police say surveillance video shows a man breaking into Family Dollar on North Gallatin Avenue shortly before midnight Sunday.

Police say the man can be seen kicking out the bottom of a glass door to get into the store and then going to a cash register, which was empty.Police say it appears the only thing the man stole was some pennies held in a red plastic shot glass on a cashier’s counter.

The pennies were apparently there for anyone who might need them to make exact change.

Someone tell Lukey to get Batman on the batphone.

We’re looking for a sharply dressed man who in my mind is wearing a purple pimp suit and is possibly hanging around wishing wells, because, srsly, that is the only damn place a penny is good for these days.

Be on the lookout! [swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]





15 Comments

  1. inBrookline
    August 30, 2011 1:12 pm

    Police are currently questioning ZZ Top.



  2. gunnlino
    August 30, 2011 1:23 pm

    That cape swishing stuff is becoming erotic .



  3. Butcher's Dog
    August 30, 2011 2:15 pm

    @gunnlino: Anything Ginny does border on erotic by definition. Things like this cape thing just take it over the top.



  4. Butcher's Dog
    August 30, 2011 2:16 pm

    “border” should be “borders”. Damn verb tenses.



  5. Magnus Patris
    August 30, 2011 2:31 pm

    “The pennies were apparently there for anyone who might need them to make exact change.” Thank you WTAE because, duh, you know we were to stooped to know why someone leaves a container of pennies by a cash register.



  6. Katy
    August 30, 2011 3:29 pm

    isn’t Uniontown where that weird sword fight went down? There’s something fishy going on!



  7. bluzdude
    August 30, 2011 3:34 pm

    Aaak! The “Purple Take-a-Penny Pot Pilferer!”

    Maybe he’s got a really old gumball machine at home.



  8. AngryMongo
    August 30, 2011 3:47 pm

    @Katy and don’t forget rival ice cream truck dodgem.



  9. USCMike
    August 30, 2011 5:09 pm

    Saw the headline and thought it was going to be a new story on our favorite state senator, aka, “No stOrie Here”. Maybe she’ll write an expose on her stupendous scanning/editing skills while she’s in jail…

    Literally, she’s done no favor to the blonde community with this move, using her State issued laptop to scan and edit the docs. A blind investigator would’ve found this just by feeling the white out on her screen!



  10. Brian T.
    August 30, 2011 9:06 pm

    Thank you. I really appreciate your sense of humor (and timing).



  11. bucdaddy
    August 31, 2011 12:11 am

    It’s obvious to me he heard from his lowlife buddies that there’s big money in stealing copper, so …

    (And before some humorless pedant weighs in, yes, I know pennies are like 97.5% zinc these days, so go take a long walk off a short pier, ya jagoff.)



  12. aunt_chilada
    August 31, 2011 11:47 am

    I’m not sure what bothers me most.
    The fact that I’m getting this news 4th hand (from Ginny who got it from from wtae who got it from The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review who cited a police report). How is a girl suppose to know when it is time to stash the pennies in the Home-Safe.

    Or the discription of “a sharp dressed man” is a clean-shaven white man with a dress shirt, tie, jacket and military-style haircut.
    Wow the guy shaved, and has a military haircut?
    Dusty Rhodes is about to faint right about now.

    Or that the mastermind only stole free pennies?



  13. Crazy Hat Bitch
    August 31, 2011 2:15 pm

    You can use pennies on the toll roads that you throw change into….I just threw in 110 for the $1.10 fee on 66 yesterday! Was happy to get those out of my car finally!



  14. Jenny
    August 31, 2011 2:28 pm

    God, I love Fayette County.



  15. Ed Heath
    September 1, 2011 12:32 pm

    Actually, wouldn’t it be the Uniontown commissioner of police who would have Christian Bale on (red) speed dial? If it was a Pittsburgh Family Dollar, wouldn’t it be Michael Huss (with Nate Harper hovering by uselessly) who would call the caped crusader to alert him to the latest activities of “Zoot Suit Man” (or “Style-o”?)?