Here lies Jane Orie’s political career. RIP.

If Jane Orie and Steely McBeam had a scare off, who would make you pee your pants first?

Jane Orie was charged with a slew of new crap yesterday including perjury, tampering and forgery, surrounding the allegations that she doctored documents presented in her trail earlier this year. And by doctored, you recall, we mean literal cut and paste like the AMISH version of cut and paste. Scissors and real live paste like you eat in kindergarten.

Despite the fact that the judge invoked Ray Charles in realizing signatures were doctored and despite the fact that she is the only person who could have benefited from the doctored signatures and incredibly pertinent hand-written notations that she testified she herself wrote, she is weepily proclaiming she has done nothing wrong and her brother and lawyer are claiming the only reason 15 new charges have been filed complete with an abundance of evidence is because of a political vendetta.

Good luck with that. I’d be Kool-Aid-Manning the walls to the DAs office if he HADN’T brought these charges.

You’ve got to read the affidavit yourself. After reading it, I’m just aghast that anyone would think they can get away with this stuff.

Possibly the saddest part is that Jane Orie had a real chance to be found innocent of her original charges, but is now faced with fifteen new ones that make her look desperate to cover up her prior misdeeds, however seemingly inconsequential, with ALL NEW AND IMPROVED misdeeds.   Like covering dog vomit with a pee-stained rug.

These new charges come with much more solid proof than the original ones, particularly the perjury charges in light of the questioned existence of a quasi-campaign office Orie testified did not exist. Guess what? IT DID EXIST! Add to that evidence from the U.S. Secret Service and the discovery of the original documents without the handwritten notations and you’ve got yourself some real good proof.

In summation, ladies and gentlemen, Jane Orie iz screwed.

Let’s recess for lunch.





14 Comments

  1. Butcher's Dog
    August 31, 2011 1:04 pm

    “covering dog vomit with a pee-stained rug.” Yep, that’s the last thing I want flashing across in front of my eyes before I drift off to sleep tonight. That and the picture at the top of this post. Sweet dreams, y’all!



  2. Steverino
    August 31, 2011 4:30 pm

    I still can’t get past all that dyed blonde hair flying around in the wind during the perp walks. All those Orie sisters have hair much too long for their age.



  3. unsatisfied
    August 31, 2011 5:34 pm

    that picture ranks right up there in holyshitscary along with that one of lady elaine.

    btw, kool-aid-manning….I was listening to raw dog comedy on sirius/xm today and they played a cut of mr. unfunny, dane cook, doing an imitation of the kool-aid pitcher…”OHHHHHHHH, YEEAAAAAAH!” and, for once, I actually laughed out loud at him….



  4. Pa-Pop
    August 31, 2011 7:01 pm

    If you ever have a caption contest, use the photo atop this post particularly because of the “It’s only this big” expression on her face and the “Bitch lies” expression on his.



  5. Leenyburgh
    August 31, 2011 8:41 pm

    I saw her speak once. She started off by quoting Hamlet. If you know what her voice sounds like, you know that Shakespeare was rolling, nay, spinning, in his grave. Jeesh. Also, “Steely McBeam’s Love Child” is a great band name.



  6. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    September 1, 2011 1:06 am

    Every time I see this picture, I feel bad for my friend in the background. His expression says it all.



  7. Cheryl
    September 1, 2011 7:30 am

    The photo in the PG yesterday was priceless. You could see how FURIOUS she was!



  8. Rachel
    September 1, 2011 10:09 am

    I just noticed the claws on her! How does she do anything with nails that long?



  9. SusanV
    September 1, 2011 10:31 am

    “in her trail earlier this”

    I read that as “in her trailer”. With those crazy WalMart nails, it makes perfect sense.



  10. Julie
    September 1, 2011 2:15 pm

    I just thought to myself “how does she manage to forge documents with those fake talons!”



  11. John in the Rocks
    September 1, 2011 9:14 pm

    I think they use the pic of her on the cover of the PG to scare kids straight.



  12. James Snrub
    September 1, 2011 11:38 pm

    She looks like the dog’s dinner.



  13. Down Goes Staalsy
    September 2, 2011 2:21 pm

    Love your use of Kool-Aid-Manning as a verb. My husband and I both crack up every time the Kool-Aid Man shows up on Family Guy, so I’m going to have to tell him that one.

    A guy I work with calls Jane Orie “Bride of Chucky.” It never fails to make me smile.



  14. roberto
    September 3, 2011 4:03 pm

    That’s what happens when you vote republican.