Behold, it is very good.

I spent a bit of time over the weekend stressing that my self-united husband was going to be released from the Steelers and it sure looked that way when Coach Tomlin paired Daniel Sepulveda with Stormy Weathers — wait, I mean Swayze Waters — and then paired that other kicker dude whose name I never learned but that sounds like an island in Greece with Shaun Sure Thing Suisham. Kiss of death, right there. Bad omen. Juju up in the wazoo, to be exact.

I pulled the sackcloth out from storage. I downloaded some mourning chants. I started a short list of names to replace Daniel as my self-united husband. I couldn’t very well not replace him because once you have four self-united husbands, it’s hard to go back to three. I considered who would mesh nicely with David and Matt and Joe. Who would be the brooding, biblical yet hellfire hot to David’s Shakespearean manic-ness, Matt’s dino-brainyness and Joe’s, well, abdominal ab-iness?

I had it narrowed down to three when the news hit.

Punter Jeremy Kapinos was edged by Steelers veteran Daniel Sepulveda.

KAPINOS! That’s his name. I’d like to vacation on the island of Kapinos in Greece someday. Sounds just lovely.

The other good news is that while Tyler Grisham didn’t make the team again, he was quickly signed to the practice squad.

And I saw that Daniel and Tyler would not be going the way of Jeremy Bloom, and I said, behold, it is very good.

Now if Daniel can just stay healthy, for the love of God.

I will seriously cut any bitch that even looks at his bad knee wrong.

P.S. I can’t decide if Swayze Waters is the best porn name, the best romance novel hero name, or the best band name ever to hit the earth.

P.P.S. Step off. [awkward kung fu moves]

 





12 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    September 6, 2011 3:53 pm

    I object to your sexist objectification. The least you could do for the many many hetero men who frequent your site is to balance out this highly offensive piece with some photos of all the steaming hot chicks who made the Steelers’ 53-person roster too.

    Get on it, or I’m gone.



  2. Virginia
    September 6, 2011 3:55 pm

    If only the Steelers had some cheerleaders, Bucdaddy. If only … ;)



  3. Virginia
    September 6, 2011 3:55 pm

    P.S. Don’t leave me!



  4. Rachel
    September 6, 2011 3:57 pm

    I must have check twitter 100,000 times looking for the cuts… I do believe I screamed for joy when I didn’t see Daniel’s name among the cuts!

    Here’s to a healthy season



  5. Moxie Bestos
    September 6, 2011 4:17 pm

    The moment I saw that Tyler Grisham was cut, I was sure he would be signed to the practice squad. Then I thought of you. Didn’t his cutting and resigning happen last year too?



  6. Scott
    September 6, 2011 4:25 pm

    Let’s hope your self-united husband can avoid another season ending injury this year. He’s as brittle as he is pretty.

    By the way….how does a punter get injured repeatedly?



  7. VAgirl
    September 6, 2011 4:59 pm

    Thank all who are in power that DS is still with us. As for the Steelers cheerleaders there was a squad many moons ago. If they decide to start up another I think it should be Oma’s in buboshka’s and yelling Yoi!



  8. Clementine
    September 6, 2011 8:30 pm

    I move that jerseys be made optional for nomnom Steelers… Stick a number on his behind and send him in, Coach!



  9. bucdaddy
    September 6, 2011 8:48 pm

    I’ll think about it …



  10. Beth
    September 6, 2011 9:03 pm

    NOT that I’m complaining, but why does a punter need muscles that large? Yummo.



  11. Tony
    September 7, 2011 4:44 am

    Did you know Joe was in town yesterday too? He was out visiting kids at Children’s Hospital and on Sunday he will be hosting a viewing party for the season finale of True Blood at Club Mix.



  12. Butcher's Dog
    September 7, 2011 10:54 am

    Aaaannnnnddddd the estrogen cloud explodes, right on cue.