PITTSBURGH — The Pittsburgh bomb squad was called to investigate a suspicious package, which turned out to be a box of bread.The package was found at the intersection of Smallman and 21st streets in the city’s Strip District.
The box looked suspicious, which is why police brought in the bomb squad.
Now, there are many ways the WPXI writer could have closed out this story.
- “No injuries were reported.”
- “No one was injured in the process.”
- “There were no injuries.”
Let’s see how the WPXI writer CHOSE to end the story:
The bread did not cause any injuries.
The bread did not cause any injuries!
1. It would be hard for bread to inflict injury, on account of how soft and fluffy it is.
2. I bet the WPXI writer held back a giggle as he or she hit “Publish” on that one.
3. This is one of those times I’d like to have been in on the conversation between the dispatcher and the bomb squad.
Dispatcher: Yeah, we’ve got a 1-9-3 in progress. Smallman and 21st. Suspicious package.
Bomb Squad: Is it ravioli?
Bomb Squad: Another pasta?
Dispatcher: It is not pasta of any sort.
Bomb Squad: We’re enroute. How large is the suspicious package? Would you say it’s bigger than a bread box?
Dispatcher: It is a bread box.
Bomb Squad: FML.