Another villian in Gotham.

Let’s see. We have the Enthusiastic Rogue Tree Pruner, the Petunia Desperado, and the Sharply Dressed Penny Thief wreaking their havoc on Gotham.

Today, a new villain was discovered. This one the most fearsome. The most threatening. The most … roll-y.

The One-Legged Wheelchair Bandit!

EEEK!

Police in Pittsburgh are looking for a man in a wheelchair who robbed a person near the city’s Greyhound station. According to police reports, a man told them he was robbed early Tuesday morning in the 1000 block of Liberty Avenue. The victim told police that a man in a wheelchair, who had only one leg, accosted him and claimed to have a gun, though the victim said he never saw it. The robber then fled the scene.

Thoughts:

1. The GIANT COJONES of this bandit to even think he could ever pull off a robbery with one leg, no visible weapon, while seated in a wheelchair … AND THEN TO SUCCEED. We should bronze his balls and put them in the Smithsonian.

2. On a scale of “Hella!” to “Crawl in a hole and die,” how embarrassed would you be to have to tell the cops you were robbed by a one-legged man in a wheelchair who showed no visible weapon before taking your wallet and then casually rolling away?

3. If wheelchairs had license plates, this case could be solved so fast, but since they don’t, I guess we’ll have to hope the police can narrow down the list of suspects to ALL THE PEOPLE IN PITTSBURGH WITH ONE LEG.

4. Honestly, if a one-legged man in a wheelchair came up to me and told me he was robbing me, I’d probably have looked at him, looked at his leg, looked at him again, and then said either,  “Am I having a stroke?” or “Am I on Candid Camera?”

5. Someone call Batman. Maybe next time the One-Legged Wheelchair Bandit strikes, he can, I don’t know, grab the push-handles when the perp tries to roll away.

[swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]





6 Comments

  1. inBrookline
    September 13, 2011 11:31 am

    Police got a tip he was hiding out at Rivers Casino, but the search only turned up several One-Armed Bandits.



  2. Monty
    September 13, 2011 12:08 pm

    I think I know this guy — it’s no surprise, that’s just how he rolls.



  3. Monty
    September 13, 2011 12:10 pm

    Also, I don’t want to sell him out, but he works at an IHOP.



  4. Different Brian
    September 13, 2011 2:23 pm

    You’re burying the lead. How about the whole “fled the scene” business? Did he have a motorized chair? Someone assisting him and pushing? Did he take off spinning as hard as he could? Or did he just nonchalantly wheel away like he was out for a morning roll? These questions must be answered.



  5. bluzdude
    September 13, 2011 9:24 pm

    Awesome Possum swings in, attaches parking boot to the wheelchair wheel, swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion.



  6. unsatisfied
    September 14, 2011 12:39 pm

    I just want to know…was the boy hizzoner in town when this happened? or, was he at 7 springs again?