That's Church

What They’re Really Thinking will be up later. In the meantime, let’s verbally flog Jonathan Scott and read this post.

I’ve already told you how much I love history. This is a new development in my advanced age (#werthers) because as a teen in history class? I spent my time half-listening and half-doodling pictures of the space shuttle on my Trapper Keeper. TLA. BFF. RMA.

Have we talked about how much of a dork I was? Am?

Now when I think about history, I tend to ask questions like Did Jesus ever tell a knock knock joke? Did Abraham Lincoln ever eat too much at Thanksgiving dinner and then sit on his couch and unbutton his pants? Did Mother Teresa ever have a fender bender? Did Napoleon ever dance in his underwear in front of the mirror?

Those kinds of questions make history come alive to me.

So when I heard on the Ducky Tour that the street level of Grant Street used to be much much higher in one area, it wasn’t enough for me to just hear that. I needed to SEE that. I needed it to be real and alive and tangible so that I could truly know what once was.

While researching for my latest Pittsburgh Magazine column, I found this 1913 article in The Municipal Journal, which I don’t need to tell you sounds like a rip-roarin’ feel-good beach read:

Look where Grant Street used to be before they cut the hump!

I never knew.

This link will take you to an earlier edition of the journal and it includes a street map, a grading map, and pictures of the cutting. It’s all so very cool if you’ve never seen or read about it.

Check it out, Wendy Bell!

Frick Building before:

Now:

This little info about the street level of Grant Street is just one of the things I learned when I took a Just Ducky tour this summer. One of the other things I learned is that BABIES SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DRIVE BOATS.

A snippet:

While the rest of the passengers were jovial, I was in a panic, silently pleading with Ray to turn around and see that we were heading toward a bridge. The boat veered left toward a pylon, then right toward the shore, then left toward a large wake, then right toward sure death. Death by boat over-correction is what my death certificate would say.

The laughing passengers quacked happily at a passing boat. I prayed fervently for deliverance from this evil. Then they let a baby drive. God has a cruel sense of humor.

Have a read!

My butler/good friend Mike Woycheck is a Tom Cruise fan and a Katie Holmes fan, so when he texted me yesterday that he happened to walk past Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes with their daughter at a farm in the North Hills, I was enthusiastic in encouraging him to say hello to them.

I mean, first of all, that’s a once in a lifetime chance to meet the biggest movie star on the planet, and second of all, he’s the biggest movie star on the planet; if he was in a bad mood and didn’t want to be bothered by fans, he wouldn’t go out and about so blatantly.

So Mike said hello to them and chatted with them briefly. His little dispatch:

They were very gracious – took the time to talk, shake hands, and say hello. They were appreciative of the hospitality (thanking Pittsburgh) and said they were having a great time. And Suri is adorable. Totally were a family having a nice Sunday afternoon.

Here’s a pic he snapped after I texted him all, “GET A PIC PLEASEE1111asd;fkjwr!!!!!!!1sdlfkj!”

So, there you have it!  The Tom Cruises are in town (The New Hollywood) and they are actually enjoying the city instead of hiding and they are adorable and my butler has earned a bazillion infinity cool points.

I hope they’re transferable because I could use a few hundred thousand. I HAVE A DEBBIE GIBSON PANDORA STATION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

So the Port Authority has some news and you’ll never guess what that news is in a billions years.

Go ahead. Take a guess.

Oh. You got it right!

Port Authority officials today warned of a “death spiral” of deeper service cuts along with layoffs and fare increases if Gov. Tom Corbett and the Legislature don’t resolve a statewide transportation funding crisis.

CEO Steve Bland said the agency faces a projected $64 million deficit for the fiscal year beginning next July unless state aid is increased and the authority gains significant concessions from its employee union.

If the deficit isn’t closed “we’re looking at significant curtailment of night and weekend service” including a full shutdown of the Light Rail Transit system on weekends, he said. Another 40 bus routes could be eliminated.

The Port Authority was also sure to go all shock and awe and fire and brimstone and 2012 and Death Star on our asses:

A 15 percent service reduction in March already has stranded many riders and forced others to endure severe overcrowding on buses and rail vehicles. Mr. Bland likened those reductions to “cutting into bone and muscle.”

Future rounds of cuts would be like “amputations,” he said.

So lets look at the scary language the Port Authority is using here:

• “Death spiral”
• “Cutting into bone and muscle”
• “Amputations”

So, to sum up, once again, commuters are screwed and this is what your bus will look like in 2012.

Armageddon indeed.

Seriously, we might as well just start sewing giant magnets to our clothing and leaping onto passing vehicles.

I have written the intro to this post fifteen times and I have deleted them all.

“Pin-up art is –” [delete]

“While I don’t really understand –” [delete]

“I have boobies so I don’t need to –” [delete]

Dave Nestler attended Pitt and then the Art Institute of Pittsburgh where he truly found his passion for pin-up art and has gone on to turn that into a career and I have to say, the man is talented.

His art sort of steps over into S&M erotica at times, particularly with his well-known Blonde and Gagged series, and while some among you might not find all of his art very tasteful or respectable and you certainly wouldn’t hang it in your church, you cannot deny the talent.

First, I wanted to share with you a few of his tamer paintings so you can get an idea of what he does without me SHOVING BOOBIES AND BAJINGOS IN YOUR FACE. Click the pics for links to the site.

This is entitled Pajama Party:

This is “Say Hello to My Little Friend” which RAWR BAM BAM BAM GIRL POWER. What?

You can click through his galleries for the boobies on your own.

Also, this is amazingly cool and respectable:

George Lucas set out and gathered over 100 artists who he considered the tops in their respective genres who have NEVER done Star Wars art, and asked them to do their interpretation of a Star Wars piece for a new collective art book.

As much of a Star Wars fan as I was.. I was a huge fan as a kid of George’s first movie “American Graffiti”. So I decided to combine the two. Featuring my model Michelle Radvansky in a princess Lea inspired 60′s diner waitress outfit, I also morphed the 2 vehicles from American Grafitti into Luke’s landspeeders incorporating Mel’s diner and some Star Wars favorites all on Tattooine. 

It was a lot of fun working on this project, even receiving e-mails from George as far as direction in the preliminary sketch phase. And very proud to know that the painting is now part of his personal original art collection as he purchased the painting from me.

I love it. Even that little whatchamacallit on the tray. He was annoying and deserved to be served on a platter to a hungry Wookie.

I also insist you check out the section of his site called Tattoos because HOLY SHIT the things people will have permanently inked on their bodies (kinda NSFW).

Finally, before you email me all, “This is so risque. I can’t believe you consider this art.” I would like to remind you that world-renowned and highly respected artist Georgia O’Keeffe spent years of her life painting vaginas.

(h/t Steve)

Tom Cruise was apparently in town prepping for his extended stay from October to January, so KDKA did what any news organization worth their wattage (I bet that doesn’t make sense, but I like the way it sounds so just shut up.), would do and headed to the Fairmont, which also housed the Batman cast and crew over the summer, to stalk Tom Cruise with a camera crew.

You have to watch the video for these reasons: 

1. John Shumway notes there are black SUVs near the Fairmont. Because THAT MEANS SOMETHING. Tom Cruise ought to stun the world and arrive at the Fairmont in a white Escalade. It will be as good as camouflage in the jungle.

[white SUV pulls up]

[Tom Cruise steps out]

John Shumway: “Excuse me, small man, have you seen Tom Cruise anywhere?”

2. John Shumway, holding a headshot of Tom Cruise, then goes around Market Square and various surrounding blocks asking random Burghers if they’ve seen “this man.”

The only people in America who wouldn’t recognize Tom Cruise if he walked by them are blind people, but even then, his star power is so strong that Stevie Wonder would be all, “I feel the presence of pint-sized greatness near me.”

3. If Tom Cruise comes to Las Velas to eat, I will scream so loud that penguins in Antarctica will strap their young to their heads to create noise cancelling headphones.

Then I’ll get down on my haunches so Tom and I are eye level.

Get it? ‘Cause he’s short.

TRY THE VEAL.