Don’t let your daughters grow up to be slutty turtles

Today I went to Target to buy K-Cups because they are my lifeblood and without them I might as well just look Medusa in the eyeballs and allow her to turn me to stone. I’m not exaggerating.

While there, I perused the Halloween costumes with my daughter, who at first wanted to be a skeleton, but has decided she wants to be SuperGirl for Halloween.

I’m etching that memory into my brain permanently so that I can pull it out and look at it fondly should she one day decide she’d like to be one of these costumes you can get at your local Target this year.

Things you never thought could be slutty! Or as Target calls them, “Sassy.”

Slutty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Slutty Green Lantern!

Slutty Chucky:

 

Slutty lumberjack:

Insert your own wood joke.

Slutty baseball player:

Insert your own wood joke.

Slutty Optimus Prime:

This is now officially out of control because someday, somewhere, some man is going to watch a Chucky movie and find himself oddly aroused for no reason that he can put his finger on.

Or he’s going to see a turtle and be all, “WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

It’s all fun and games until a turtle in Fayette County is violated.





19 Comments

  1. Alison
    October 5, 2011 5:19 pm

    I can understand some costumes being “slutty”. A French maid for instance, or Batgirl (a short skirt or something like that). But slutty Optimus Prime? Slutty ninja turtle??? REALLY?! There’s no point. It’s gross and it’s trying too hard.

    If girls are doing this to get guys’ attention, I think a guy would be way more impressed with a girl in an ACTUAL Optimus Prime costume rather than a slutty one that doesn’t even look like the transformer.



  2. Monty
    October 5, 2011 5:32 pm

    Does “K-cups” means something other than I think it means??



  3. mfj
    October 5, 2011 5:51 pm

    I’m waiting for slutty Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, but I guess the glass ceiling’s pretty solid on that one.



  4. Noelle
    October 5, 2011 6:35 pm

    I’ll do slutty Jane Orie this year. Mall bangs, Lee press on nails, micro-mini, VPL, reenforced toe pantyhose with sandals. It’s gonna be way hawt.



  5. Mel
    October 5, 2011 6:57 pm

    Dammit. Now I want to be a slutty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween.



  6. bluzdude
    October 5, 2011 7:04 pm

    Those aren’t slut costumes… it’s part of the Jeff Reed costume accessory package.



  7. KGC
    October 5, 2011 9:12 pm

    @Monty.. Careful, there. Ginny did a little “Tut, tut” on me when I said virtually the same thing the last time she mentioned K-cups.



  8. Leenyburgh
    October 5, 2011 9:45 pm

    The image of “Slutty Jane Orie” is cracking me up. Please post pictures. And be sure to get the yinzer man voice down before October 31.



  9. AngryMongo
    October 5, 2011 9:58 pm

    @KGC, yeah but did that mention of K-Cups get coupled with Slutty Enhanced Ninja Turtles?



  10. Scottro
    October 5, 2011 11:28 pm

    Slutty Jane Orie should not be allowed into the hands of children too young to vote her out of office. Of course, the people of age to vote her out didn’t do so, which is perhaps even scarier…



  11. bucdaddy
    October 6, 2011 1:16 am

    No Slutty Blogger?



  12. TripleC
    October 6, 2011 9:06 am

    Slutty lumberjack is pure genius!

    bucdaddy, I’m intrigued by the ‘Slutty Blogger’ issue. Maybe we can take up a collection for the outfit…….whatever that might end up being?



  13. Steverino
    October 6, 2011 9:34 am

    This Halloween crap is really out of control. The marketers are turning it into another Christmas-like frenzy to milk more money out of poor saps who buy this junk. Anything more pathetic than a bunch of adult drunks dressed like this at a house party?



  14. Jonathan
    October 6, 2011 9:37 am

    “It’s all fun and games until a turtle in Fayette County is violated.” LMAO!



  15. LovinPittsburgh
    October 6, 2011 9:58 am

    @bucdaddy

    At least half of your comments creep me out.



  16. bucdaddy
    October 6, 2011 10:27 am

    Thank you!

    BTW, I envision Slutty Blogger in sweatpants and an old Stillers T-shirt. For dress-up.



  17. unsatisfied
    October 6, 2011 11:19 am

    slutty jane orie. ok, now that’s going too far.

    @bucdaddy: don’t forget the do-me boots.



  18. bucdaddy
    October 6, 2011 11:23 am

    Sweatpants, T-shirt and do-me bo … Ah, excuse me, I have to … um … go clean up.



  19. Moxie Bestos
    October 6, 2011 11:36 am

    Slutty Turtles ranks up there as the band name of the day. I’m imagining Courtney Love, Britney Spears, and maybe the girl who fronted Bow Wow Wow, because she has to be of age by now.