What They’re Really Thinking: Footballgasm Edition

I watched this game at Las Velas where my husband put me to work yesterday painting and cleaning, which, SO MUCH FUN IN A NOT FUN IN ANY FUN WAY WAY.

A picture-perfect Pittsburgh day for football. Sunny. Warm. Hopeful that we would turn things around after last week’s suckfest of sucking suck. Suck.

Let’s talk football and butt noms in non-chronological order!

1. After giving up 3,244 sacks last week, the O-line only allowed one single sack on The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross yesterday, thanks in part to Max Starks rejoining the team.

Max was never that awesome of an O-line player, but it’s amazing how much better he plays now that he’s properly motivated.

2. Hines Ward, that geriatric oldster who is younger than me, suddenly plays football again! Suddenly he’s smiling again! Suddenly he’s reminding everyone that he still exists. At one point, he got a little too cocksure (I don’t know if I used that correctly, but, damn, that’s a fantastic word) about his abilities and he did it in Donkey from Shrek fashion.

Yes, the important thing is that Hines Ward can still catch.

Also important, cocksure is a fantastic word.

3. The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross deserves the additional title of Prince of Cocksure because after that performance, he can be as cocksure as he wants to be. So long as he doesn’t whip it out in public.

As I was saying, Benny did good. Five touchdowns. One interception that we will now generously neuralyze from our memories. He also did a good job of getting rid of the ball quickly when things got dire.

So selfless of The Duke, Earl, and Prince.

4. Defensively, we’re playing without our Chief of Up Effing, James Harrison, but Woodley, who again I remind you calls himself The Pharoah, which: COCKSURE, stepped in nicely with a sack and an interception.

I’m sure our opposing offensive lines are going to enjoy these few weeks’ reprieve from having the literal poop beat out of them by James Harrison, but really he’s just going to save up all of his anger and aggression, storing it like a rabid squirrel until …

 

5. And that’s all I want to talk about. See you next week. BYE NOW.

[blink]

KIDDING!

Let’s talk about the most important part of the game! The only part that really matters! The most orgasmic play you have ever seen! The play for the history books! The play for the Hall of Fame! THE PLAY FOR WORLD PEACE.

I’m only slightly exaggerating.

When this play happened, when Daniel faked the punt and then took off running like the most beautiful quarterback since Keanu Reeves, I audibly gasped.

YouTube Preview Image

My paint brush froze. A drop of paint fell to the ground with a gentle plop that might as well have been cannon fire. It echoed in my ears.

I held my breath.

 

My husband realized I had froze. That paint was dripping to his floor. He asked if I was having a stroke. I asked him to say “focus.’

I tensed.

The ball was thrown.

“Oh please, oh please,” I whispered.

I prayed.

Then … completion for a first down!

The Titans are stunned. Confused.

I went into football-gasm mode. Running around the restaurant while my husband dialed 911 to report my stroke.

Ahhhhhhhh!

WHOA!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

HE DID IT!

HE DID IT!

HE DID IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew!

Do you have a cigarette I could borrow?

Step off.

 





22 Comments

  1. Lisa
    October 10, 2011 11:17 am

    He WAS the most beautiful QB since Keanu. Lol. I’m a big Daniel fan. I made the friends I watch the games with do shots to celebrate that play! Just a kicker! Pfft. :)



  2. Lindsay
    October 10, 2011 11:21 am

    The smiley faces that you inevitably make about Dan the Man’s beautiful arms makes me giggle every time. :-)



  3. oldgraymare
    October 10, 2011 11:24 am

    thank you once again for giving me something to smile about on a Monday Morning! :)



  4. Cassie
    October 10, 2011 11:28 am

    When I saw that play by hottie-hot-hot man, my husband was A.) amazed I was paying attention and B.) awakened to my deep secret love of Sepulveda.

    Guess there are worse ways of him finding out.



  5. JenEngland
    October 10, 2011 11:31 am

    That was one of the sexiest plays I’ve ever seen. I do not think you are exaggerating AT ALL. I also ran around my house having a stroke from the sheer beauty of it.



  6. WIMom
    October 10, 2011 11:31 am

    I must admit that when I saw that play, my first thought was not “Holy s**t, they got the first down!” but it was really, “OMG, I bet Ginny is going nuts right now!”
    Love you, Gin, and Daniel and Ben and the rest of the whole team. A great game!!



  7. Dave
    October 10, 2011 11:31 am

    This makes me laugh so hard this morning. Why? Because as soon as that play ended, my fiancee stated that it was only a matter of time before we got pictures of Daniel’s ass and arms from you. The smiley faces and stars were a nice touch. But I bet she drools over them as well.



  8. PittPygmy
    October 10, 2011 11:31 am

    When I saw that play happen, the VERY FIRST THING I said to the other people in the room was that you were probably losing your mind and would devote a good chunk of your next post to that trick play. And rightfully so!



  9. Rachel
    October 10, 2011 11:39 am

    It was a thing of beauty! Just like Daniel himself! :D



  10. Butcher's Dog
    October 10, 2011 11:41 am

    OK, I’m going to take credit for being the first to use the word “orgasm” in connection with this play. You could check the previous post and see. You’re welcome.

    What I didn’t forsee was the total nuclear-annihilation estrogen cloud that would erupt as a consequent. Guess I’ll have to be a bit more prescient in the future.

    Finally, can we nominate The Cocksures as the band name of the day? As always, just sayin’.



  11. Niki
    October 10, 2011 11:44 am

    @Ginny- That play was so amazeballs and awesomesauce! After it was done, I did think of you and how you would love it! I was expecting your twitter feed to just be this:
    @JanePitt !!!!!!!
    @JanePitt !!!!What?!?!?!!!!
    @JanePitt !!!the arms!!!!

    but instead found stunned silence from @JanePitt. LOL!



  12. Rich D
    October 10, 2011 12:43 pm

    I seem to remember an equally dramatic punt later in the game!



  13. Rachel
    October 10, 2011 1:39 pm

    As the fiance mentioned above in comment #7, I will just say this: Yes, I do.

    That play was a thing of beauty. Heck, the whole game was!



  14. unsatisfied
    October 10, 2011 2:14 pm

    breaking news: pitt is trying to offer a full scholarship to daniel sepulveda to become their full-time QB.



  15. Jessica
    October 10, 2011 2:39 pm

    One day, can you please video tape your husband saying “focus”? haha



  16. steelertom
    October 10, 2011 11:48 pm

    Yeah! we need to hear your old man say “Focus”! That would truely rock…. Ya don’t even need to have him on video if he’s camera shy either.



  17. facie
    October 11, 2011 9:15 am

    I think it is funny that so many of us think of you when Daniel Sepulveda does something awesome. Or just shows up on screen. But his pass on Sunday was a thing of beauty. As is he.



  18. Heather S
    October 11, 2011 9:30 am

    I absolutely loved your blog! One of the ladies posted it on “She loves the Steelers” and I read it this morning. Love it, love it! I’m going to have to come back and read again, soon. Keep up the great work!
    Heather



  19. Z
    October 11, 2011 9:42 am

    Ginny, One of your best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  20. AngryMongo
    October 11, 2011 10:04 am

    very nice… but I was expecting a caption for the dueling refs cocksure call.



  21. Lauryn
    October 11, 2011 3:33 pm

    That play was so exciting. In fact, I tweeted you and was a little disappointed that you were so quiet about the amazing thing we all witnessed. I mean come on Ginny! :-)



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