When God Uses Your Butt

Is Lawrence County the new Fayette County?

It kinda feels like it.

Emergency dispatchers in Lawrence County said three alleged thieves mistakenly ratted themselves out when one of the men called 911 during a burglary by sitting on his phone.

Emergency officials said one of the men accidentally dialed his phone while it was in his back pocket.

Do you realize what the odds are that you will ever accidentally butt-dial the cops while you are actually committing a crime? I mean, really think about that. Your butt dials 911 just as you’re stealing something and TALKING about stealing something.

That has to be an infinity to one chance, right? I mean, my math isn’t strong or anything, but the huge numbers of number combinations your butt could dial and this butt chose to dial 911? My butt always dials things like 9282j12x@$$.

You know what this means right? God has a RIDIC sense of humor.

“Oh, you think you can get away with that? BOOYAH!”

Don’t believe me? How else do you explain this video I found via Mikey?

YouTube Preview Image

That, my friends, is the hand of God right there, finding ways to entertain Himself.

God: [drinking his morning coffee] You know, I have yet to make a deer run full-speed into a mountain biker in the plains of South Africa. OH. Em. Me. THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS.

Humans: God’s personal YouTube.


  1. SpudMom
    October 12, 2011 2:01 pm

    “Oh. Em. Me.”

    I am killed dead on the floor with laughter. Well played, Ginny. Very well played.

  2. Rachel
    October 12, 2011 2:20 pm

    LOL!! “Oh. Em. ME!!” OMG!! Loved it!

  3. Butcher's Dog
    October 12, 2011 2:35 pm

    Lawrence County motto: No one is closer to Mercer County than we are. Except Ohio.

  4. kevin
    October 12, 2011 2:49 pm

    Don’t know if that guy was extremely lucky or un lucky. Let’s Go Pens!

  5. Mike
    October 12, 2011 2:52 pm

    When you were spelling out “RIDIC,” I kept rereading it thinking, “what does RIDC Park have to do with this, I’m confused.”

  6. Loopy
    October 12, 2011 3:22 pm

    @Mike, I saw RIDC too! I had to reread that sentence.

  7. empirechick
    October 12, 2011 3:36 pm

    “Oh. Em. Me.”

    Best line ever you’ve ever written, Ginny, and you have a long resume of fabulous stuff. Well played indeed.

  8. tmb
    October 12, 2011 3:45 pm

    Actually the odds are quite good. When my phone is locked, the screen will allow a person to call 911, or my emergency contact number.

  9. Tracy
    October 12, 2011 3:56 pm

    Oh. Em. Me. Are you freaking kidding me right now!!! I am still laughing!!

  10. PensFan024
    October 12, 2011 4:44 pm

    To add to tmb’s comment, a lot of phones also will dial 911 if you hold the 9 button down long enough.

  11. Stephen
    October 12, 2011 5:56 pm

    Virginia says there is a one in a million chance of butt dialing 911 during a crime you are committing. Is Virginia’s answer reasonable?

  12. Butcher's Dog
    October 12, 2011 6:05 pm

    @Stephen: New Math does not become you.

  13. LeeInIrwin
    October 12, 2011 7:53 pm

    Actually – on most cell phones, if you hold the #9 down for a certain number of seconds it will dial 911. I’ve done had to do that before on a strangers cell phone….. I think on some – the number 9 button is red……

  14. Pensgirl
    October 12, 2011 8:39 pm

    My brain went to the same place as Stephen’s.

  15. bucdaddy
    October 12, 2011 9:27 pm

    God WISHES He had my butt.

  16. Melissa
    October 12, 2011 10:43 pm

    “Humans: God’s personal YouTube.” Pure genius! And, speaking of such, someone might want to ask these geniuses if they happened to perhaps see a missing 50 ft. bridge from that area. Beings that they are in the scrap metal businesses.

    (Also, as an aside, I love the paper-held-over-the-face look. As if they have reputations to uphold.)

  17. Pa-Pop
    October 12, 2011 11:53 pm

    I’m thinking God just wanted to see a gazelle do an impersonation of his other son Troysus.

  18. Pa-Pop
    October 13, 2011 12:01 am

    BTW, the news report about Larry, Daryl and Daryl in Lawrence County also said “in addition to theft charges, police said two of the men had marijuana in their pockets and will face drug charges.” They forgot to mention that the butt-dialer was obviously on crack.
    [thankyou thankyouverymuch]

  19. Elmer Fudd
    October 13, 2011 8:24 am

    After they toss him in jail and the other inmates hear what he did, His butt will wish it still had a cell phone

  20. Kathy
    October 13, 2011 10:09 am

    Wonderful, as always. OM Me.

    Humans: God’s personal YouTube

  21. Kathy
    October 13, 2011 10:11 am

    @Stephen it is reasonable. I don’t know if it is right. :)

  22. red pen mama
    October 13, 2011 1:39 pm

    Add me to the list of people loving “Oh. Em. Me.”

  23. Al Lambrini
    October 13, 2011 2:08 pm

    How did calling 911 accidently identify this person as a thief how do tyhey trace a call to a location like that?

  24. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    October 13, 2011 2:13 pm

    @Al – all cell phones have GPS tracking for 9-1-1 calls. You can turn off the location feature (most have it defaulted on) for all other calls, texts, pictures, etc… It automatically comes on when 9-1-1 is dialed. I believe this was in response to FCC regualtions that this feature be on all phones after a certain date.

  25. Al Lambrini
    October 14, 2011 9:44 am

    @ Ex Pat Pgh Grl, thanks for the info very reassuring to know that the man is looking out for us like that Thanks FCC

  26. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    October 14, 2011 11:06 am

    @Al — it does come in handy when you are in East Kabumfudge and your friend drives his car off the side of the road into a ditch in the middle of the night at 3:30 in the morning. The police were there in 8 minutes. I told him next time to just hit the damned deer instead of swerving to avoid it.