Let’s have some Parenting 101 here as I’m about to drop some knowledge up in this piece [throws signs]:
1. If your seven-year-old misbehaves at school, taking him to a parking lot of a Taco Bell and leaving him standing there crying and screaming while you drive away after telling him he can “go find another family,” will probably only result in police charges, a still misbehaving son with all new and improved separation anxiety and abandonment issues.
2. If you choose to leave your seven-year-old son screaming in a Taco Bell parking lot while you drive away after telling him to go find another family because you’re trying to teach him a lesson, whatever you do, DO NOT SPEAK TO THE LOCAL MEDIA ABOUT IT because we the people will write about you in our blogs and even chuckle a little bit that you thought it was okay to calmly tell a television reporter that you told YOUR SON TO GO FIND ANOTHER FAMILY in the same tone of voice that you would tell a reporter about a nice way to make applesauce.
3. If you choose to speak to reporters after admitting you left your child in a Taco Bell parking lot to teach him a lesson, do not then lie your face off and say the kid was laughing because there is not a seven-year-old on the planet who finds this funny. This weekend at the Science Center, a ten-year-oldish girl came into the gift shop where I was, screaming and crying her head off all, “MOMMY!” I had never seen anything like it. She was frantic. Running as fast as she could with tears streaming down her face, through the store and back out, screaming MOMMY!?!? until I managed to stop her and calm her for a second before an employee took her away to find her mother. KIDS ARE TERRIFIED OF BEING ABANDONED. They do not know, in any way, shape, or form, that you will never leave them, no matter what you say or how often you reassure them. They always fear the abandonment. Actually allowing a child to realize that fear is just begging for emotional issues.
4. Chalupas are delicious.
5. Ari Hait is a peanut.
6. This lady did wrong.