If videos could be Blingeed.

The Pittsburgh Penguins have one of two players tied for first place in the entire league for goals scored so far this season, and it’s not Sidney Crosby, obviously, or Geno (go see him dance the Elaine at a wedding in Russia), or Sexhair (who got a timeout on the naughty chair) [pause a brief second for all the ladies to imagine their own timeout on the naughty chair with Sexhair], or any other player you’d think would be sitting up there.

It’s James Neal, who has a touch of Orpik Crazy Eyes:

Right now, James is on fire and all of Pens Nation, if there is such a thing and my God, let’s hope they never go to war with Steeler Nation, are agog over James with men and women wanting to drink beer with him, and awesome (and kinda pee-your-pants funny at the music selection) video tributes like this being created for him.

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And a single tear rolls down my face.

I bet whoever made this video has Blingeed the shit out of James.

P.S. Bonus: A tribute to Sexhair, set to David Cook’s Avalanche. My God, I love the Internet.

P.P.S. I’m going to make a tribute video to Lukey and I’m going to set it to Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You. Viral shit, yes?

P.P.P.S. While we’re hanging out here on YouTube, first, imagine in your head what it looked like last week when I attempted the monkey bars at the park. I grabbed the first bar with both hands. I hung like a dead pig at the slaughter house. I looked at the next bar. I thought about reaching for the next bar while my body swayed slightly, my arms begin to shake, and the kid behind me was all, “Lady, do you need a shove?” I let go with one hand to reach for the next bar and then GRAVITY DID HER THANG. Now go watch Sexhair do the monkey bars.

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I feel inferior somehow.


  1. hello haha narf
    October 21, 2011 11:23 am

    you owe me a new pair of jeans. the ones i was wearing spontaneously combusted watching the monkey bar video.

  2. Stacey
    October 21, 2011 11:47 am

    I’m not even going to attempt to watch that video at work. I’ll go home, pour myself a glass of wine in my my Letang DQ Blizzard cup and then watch it :)

  3. Christina
    October 21, 2011 11:56 am

    I remember that day back in February 2011 when I came to Pittsburgh across the big ocean to see the Pens.
    I was a sad panda because right after buying my tickets months ahead Geno and Sid got injured and I saw none of them playing, BUT … BUT … BUT … my game was the first game JAMES NEAL played for the Pens.

    I am honest – I did not see it coming then, but it was a great moment in the Pens latest history.

    I really, really, really enjoy to see him playing and scoring!

    And Tanger …. well, I am sporting a #58 Winter Classics jersey. NUFF SAID!

  4. Butcher's Dog
    October 21, 2011 12:35 pm

    @hello haha narf: spontaneous female jeans combustion>than the estrogen cloud can ever be. I doff my cap to you.

    I’m still thinkin’ the estrogen cloud explodes frequently when Ginny really gets flyin’ with the pictures ‘n ‘at.

  5. nycldenise
    October 21, 2011 1:28 pm

    oh. dear. god. the monkey bar video.

    i can’t…

  6. AngryMongo
    October 21, 2011 2:24 pm

    I kept thinking Neal has a bit of a Wes Borland look to him.

  7. Cassie
    October 21, 2011 2:51 pm

    There are no words for the monkey bars. My mind only wanders off into thinking about what other amazing skills he possesses.

  8. SteelCityMagnolia
    October 21, 2011 3:32 pm

    The monkey bars….




    That’s all I am capable of saying right now….

  9. empirechick
    October 21, 2011 3:38 pm

    Cassie –

    Here’s his summer training regimen, just to really get your mind a’wanderin’…


  10. WIMom
    October 21, 2011 4:00 pm

    Empire Chick- watched the you tube you posted- can only say Wowww,,,,,
    Ginny- his arms are even better than Daniel’s. To say nothing about those quads. Wowww,,,,

  11. Butcher's Dog
    October 21, 2011 4:56 pm

    Hurry, Guys! Buy stock in every jeans company you can think of! There’s about to be a rash of spontaneously combusting women’s jeans, driving demand and prices ever higher. As always, just sayin’.

  12. Leenyburgh
    October 21, 2011 5:51 pm

    Speaking of Bigfoot, did you see the size of Sexhair’s feet? Which makes me think of the size of his… um, shoes.

  13. Down Goes Staalsy
    October 24, 2011 2:20 pm

    Ohhh Ginny, I cannot thank you enough for combining my two very favorite things into one post — James Neal and Sex Hair. I go through a major crisis before each Pens game, trying to decide whether to wear my #18 jersey or #58. (First world problems indeed.) This post should come with a disclaimer… something about excessive drooling, perhaps…