Mind. Blown.

I believe in Bigfoot about as much as a skeptic like me believes in UFOs or the Loch Ness Monster. I think at this point, if they were real we’d have found them by now.

That said, I try not to make fun of people who dedicate their lives to hunting UFOs and Bigfoot with the same amount of equipment that storm chasers use to hunt down a tornado. And I’m going to write this post with that in mind. Not so much a “point and laugh” but a “SHUT. UP!” point of view.

The Pittsburgh UFO Bigfoot Conference is meeting in Westmoreland County and that sent me on a Google hunt and I got lost down the Internet rabbit hole and barely made it out alive.

1. This conference is a joint conference between the MUFON group and the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society. It is two days of lectures at WCCC in Youngwood.

2. Sessions include: UFO Witness Theater, Bigfoot in PA, Roswell and MJ12, 2012, Mysterious Creatures of PA (Steely McBeam better make an appearance), and my personal favorite, UFOs and the Bible. Did I miss that part of the Bible where Noah was all, “Behold, bright spinny lights doth appear above the ark! Pleadeth now to the Lord thou are not sucked away to the planet Vortex.”

3. A majority of the speakers look like deacons in your church from 1989. TRUE STORY.

4. My personal favorite is The Squatch Detective!

That guy means BIZNASS!

He has a Hall of Shame on his site where he shames Bigfoot scams in great detail. It is fascinating. This is my favorite shame page because it has videos of Bigfoot and even this INCREDIBLE close up shot of the creature that the detective goes on to debunk.

Bigfoot sees you.

I hope when the Squatch Detective is in the woods investigating “wood stacks” (apparently, Bigfoot stacks wood. [shrug] Maybe he’s building a giant Jenga?) or an enormous footprint, that he goes all Horatio Caine up in there. “This is one foot [sunglasses] I wouldn’t want in my mouth.”

YEAHHHHHH!

P.S. All of these guys would be taken much more seriously by the world if their websites didn’t make you want to punch Geocities in the face.





17 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    October 21, 2011 1:41 pm

    Westmoreland 10,001
    Fayette 2
    Mercer 2
    Beaver 1

    Game over.



  2. gunnlino
    October 21, 2011 1:44 pm

    Methinks the Squatch guy has too much spare time on his schedule or he needs to get a real life . Or maybe get laid now and then .



  3. spoon
    October 21, 2011 2:13 pm

    The Squatch Detective – what happened to Stone Cold Steve Austin.



  4. Cbus Yinzer
    October 21, 2011 2:14 pm

    I can’t believe all the meet and greet packages are sold out. You really need to get us this information sooner, I am so sad now.



  5. Butcher's Dog
    October 21, 2011 2:59 pm

    @bucdaddy: Wait! Westmoreland gets “game over” because they’re HOSTING this thing? Because, basically, they have many unused hotel rooms? Mercer protests. Vehemently.



  6. kevin
    October 21, 2011 4:57 pm

    All you gotta do is put out some of that jacks Link Beef jerky and he shows up all the time. From my research, camp grounds and Golf Courses are areas where he hangs out a lot. So I don’t see the need for a conference.



  7. Jim
    October 21, 2011 5:16 pm

    Thankfully the Steelers are aht of tahn this weekend. Imagine if one one these folk crossed paths with Brett Kiesel at the J’int Iggle n’at.



  8. Janelle
    October 21, 2011 10:09 pm

    Fayette County has had Bigfoot sightings. Our paper even published an amateur sketch of him. It made my life.



  9. HorseShoeBend
    October 22, 2011 12:34 am

    Don’t the ladies have some theory about the size of your feet and well you know. You’d think that the squatch detectve would be a chick, blonde hottie. Which leads to – what’s the difference between an intelligent blonde and bigfoot – well there have been sightings of bigfoot at least. BTW – have blonde hair and blues eyes myself (size 10 1/2 shoe if your wondering) so just being silly i.e no offense to any of you girlies here at PittGirls house.

    Have a great weekend all.



  10. Jaime
    October 22, 2011 2:32 am

    …speaking of steely mcbeam………….

    http://tinyurl.com/3ep7lw9

    merry xmas!



  11. bucdaddy
    October 22, 2011 11:10 am

    I said

    GAME.OVER.

    And I am the commissioner.



  12. Captain Hankaroo
    October 22, 2011 1:55 pm

    Sasquat sketch artist would be a great name for a band



  13. MattDC
    October 23, 2011 7:32 pm

    Bucdaddy and Butcher’s Dog — I grant you that Westmoreland has a head start on everyone else, but I’d like to suggest a recount to consider Butler. I quote from the Hall of Shame website:
    “As one of our 5 Tenets of Bigfoot/Sasquatch Research, it our responsibility after thorough and fact based research to showcase them here, as our responsibility to educate.” I believe that Butler has more redundancies, missing contractions, conspiracy theories and high powered weapons per capita than anywhere in the region.



  14. Butcher's Dog
    October 24, 2011 8:56 am

    @MattDC: looks like you’ll have to wait until the “commissioner” declares game on sometime. Whenever.

    @bucdaddy: If you’re gonna go all Al Davis on us, just consider how he turned out. Not talkin’ dead, talkin’ irrelevant-except-as-punchline. Just sayin’.



  15. Magnus Patris
    October 24, 2011 12:16 pm

    Sasquatch has been seen around the Washington DC area a lot and recently even in downtown Pittsburgh. I’m not jag gin’ ya!

    http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/001/105/388/ovechkin1_display_image.jpg?1311005465



  16. Julia
    October 24, 2011 12:31 pm

    Do you think the Squatch Detective is really just living out a frat house dream of being a Crotch Detective? Or a kooch detective? Because that’s what I thought when I read it.



  17. Pingback: UFO In Fayette County, Jagoff | Ya Jagoff!!!