A local man went into an eatery in Ross Township, ordered a Reuben, received the sandwich without paying and then ran to a stolen forklift, max speed of maybe 15 mph — his getaway vehicle of choice.
No, I didn’t just make shit up.
On Sunday, 38-year-old Sean Faulkner walked into Sieb’s Pub, ordered a Reuben sandwich, and then ran out without paying. He jumped into the forklift he had pilfered from a construction site earlier that day.
Authorities said Faulker was still in the forklift in the parking lot when officers arrived. His escape was reportedly thwarted because he could not put the forklift in reverse.
Really? I would say his escape was thwarted by the fact that he CHOSE A FORKLIFT AS HIS ESCAPE VEHICLE.
My God. I bet he’d steal a hamburger at the zoo and then hop on a giant turtle all, “Giddy up! Hup! Hee-yah! Go! [smacks boot heels on the shell] Bang Bang? Anyone have a whip?”
Also, if you think he’s the first doofus to ever attempt a getaway on a forklift:
The best parts are the hysterical laughter and the dude in the beginning who looks like he’s casually strolling FASTER than the chase.
God bless America.