Random n’at

1. I have a case of PMS that could kill a horse.

Which is odd because I don’t normally get PMS.

Which is odd because my husband is on the floor laughing right now.

So I’m going to cry.

And eat cake.

And then cry because I ate cake.

Send Pamprin.

2. “Jaromir Jagr: They are going to boo me.”

What are true things that are true and truthy, Alex!?

3. Hizzoner Master Juice Box gave a budget address in which he requested the City of Pittsburgh be removed from State oversight after seven years on account of a balanced budget and spending cuts. Then he said, “And I rock my Hittsburgh gear to the fullest.”

[kicks the dead horse]

4. The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross has an ouchie thumb.

I wouldn’t otherwise care, but last time he had an ouchie thumb it was a state secret and became That Which We Do Not Talk About.

The first rule of Big Ben Thumb Injuries is that we do not talk about Big Ben Thumb Injuries.

I was never here.

[Jedi mindtrick hand-wave]

5. The Pittsburgh Press is back! As an e-edition, but still. If you’re too young to remember The Pittsburgh Press that’s because you have a raging case of Whippersnapperitis. It can be cured by vacating my lawn.

6. Have you ever visited the Aviary’s sloth? I love the sloth. It’s cute and lazy and I think it wants me to hug it. International Sloth Day (it’s a thing! Do you suppose there’s an International Wombat Day? I’m going to check. BRB. EFFING A! October 22!) is taking place on November 19 and the Aviary is hosting a special event to celebrate their sloth, Wookiee.

Details here!

Now I’m going to go check and see if there’s an International Bandicoot Day. BRB. Aw, poor bandicoot. No one loves you enough to give you a day.

7. If you love brewing and/or craft beer, you’ll want to catch a ride on the last two 2011 dates of the Burgh Brewery Tour! They start and end at Penn Brewery and the tour includes tastings at three locations, tasting on the trolley, brewery history, beer knowledge and dinner including appetizer and dessert! Also a “super fun guide.”

Be careful. What if it’s Ray Brooks and he LET’S A BABY DRIVE THE TROLLEY?!


8. If you missed it, Bill Peduto gave the scoop via Twitter over the weekend when Jeff Reed, yes, THAT Jeff Reed, went to the Pens game where his friend stood up on a chair, fell, knocked himself the hell out and had to be taken out by medics on a stretcher.

Steelers Depot has pics including the obligatory photo with an admiring female fan.

Write your own something something Sheetz paper towel dispenser something something sluts joke.

(h/t PittCheMBA)

9. This has nothing to do with Pittsburgh, but I had to share. So you may have seen this video of the Bruins surprising a serviceman’s mother and father with, well, their son. First, TEARS. If you don’t cry, you’re dead inside.

But second, at the end the Bruin Chara comes up to do the ceremonial face-off and he is easily like seven million feet taller than every single person on the ice and they suddenly look like little people next to him and he could squash them with his snots.

Does he have Wookie blood or something? What a monster.

(h/t Jenny)

10. Now I’m going to check to see if there is such as a thing as International Wookie Day. BRB.

Aw, poor Wookie.



  1. PittPygmy
    November 15, 2011 11:16 pm

    9. I’m not a parent and likely never will be, but I imagine that if I were Mrs. Jacobs, I would either do just what she did and stare in disbelief while my son walked toward me, or completely disregard the shoes I’m wearing and skitter my way across the ice and jump on him. I started crying even before they showed him walking out!

  2. spoon
    November 15, 2011 11:25 pm

    mmmmmmm brewery tour

  3. Jen
    November 15, 2011 11:28 pm

    What is with the PMS right now? I AM DYING OF IT. And I don’t normally have any issues. I feel like crap on toast and I’m not sick. Just… blargh. LET’S EAT CHOCOLATE TOGETHER.

  4. Jaynie
    November 16, 2011 1:30 am

    I hope you never stop talking about Hittsburgh, because it will always be hilarious.

    and OMG Chara is a giant. he looks pretend.

  5. bucdaddy
    November 16, 2011 2:16 am

    Class act, the Bruins. Who would have guessed?

  6. Christina
    November 16, 2011 4:52 am

    No 2 – made me spit my morning tea over the keyboard

    No 9 – Chara is not real, is he?

  7. PG Wodehouse
    November 16, 2011 8:54 am

    Yes, but the bandicoot get featured in a video game. So, he has that going for him.

  8. jenn
    November 16, 2011 8:54 am

    I was one row below Reed Saturday night. Do we have any other eye witness reports that he was on the chair? i saw him fall and i think the jerk was just standing there when he passed out and fell. My angle wasn’t real good, but he was a big dude (i felt bad for the paramedics)and i swear he was not up high enough when he fell to be on a chair. And I will say that was the excitement of the game up to that point. Luckily getting reed out improved the penguins play and it was an awesome game after that…..lol

    Not sure which would be worse. if he fell from the chair or just passed out from whatever. but that is a way to get away from a skeeve evening.

    You wonder if the players knew what was going on……….lol

  9. Mike Frazer
    November 16, 2011 8:55 am

    Chara is 6’9″. Six-FREAKING-NINE. I get that he was on skates at the time, but when I played hockey my skates made me all of maybe 5’11” to 6’0″. Add another 3-4 inches to his height because of his skates and the dude is 7’1″. When he shook the mother’s hand, he had his left hand up so that his upper arm was vertical and his elbow down, with his forearm extended out in front of him. IT WAS HIGHER THAN HER HEAD.

  10. Scott
    November 16, 2011 9:46 am

    Daaaaamnnnn…..that Bruins player is HUGE.

  11. jdp
    November 16, 2011 9:49 am

    At the beginning of your post I thought to myself “Surely that giant Bruin dude isn’t THAT big, gotta be a trick of the camera or something”.

    Holey schmoley. I would not want to be facing that in a game.

  12. Kathy
    November 16, 2011 11:04 am

    Ok, first of all, no I had not seen that video but thanks for the morning cry at my desk! And second, WOW, is that guy ginormous!!

  13. facie
    November 16, 2011 11:05 am

    Thanks for sharing that Bruins thing, even if you did make me cry. Do hockey players lie about their height the same way football players do (I am looking at you, Hines Ward)? Chara could be listed as 8′ and I would still believe it.

    Skippy needs to stay away from the sun (in addition to Sheetz stores, Penguins games, and the Steelers in general). I am just glad he was only visiting the Burgh.

  14. Monty
    November 16, 2011 11:19 am

    If you turn the volume all the way up you can hear him say, right before the puck is dropped, “We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.”

  15. Steve
    November 16, 2011 11:29 am

    Malkin is a big dude. I would not want to meet him on the ice. Checkout his video of him against Chara.


    Chara is standing still, and he drops Malkin like sack of potatoes.

  16. Lauren
    November 16, 2011 11:32 am

    Sounds like Jagr has a case of PMS too…

  17. SteelCityMagnolia
    November 16, 2011 11:41 am

    Awesome video! (typed between sobs and sniffles).

    And Chara??? Holy.Freakin.Shit. That ain’t right. What the hell do they FEED that guy????

  18. bucdaddy
    November 16, 2011 12:05 pm

    15. Steve, More like Malkin skated into a wall.

  19. CrashJK
    November 16, 2011 12:37 pm

    F the Bruins…that’s the game when Lucic destroyed and concussed Ryan Miller….I like the Sabres…F Boston and Chara…this is war, with a little hockey thrown in.

  20. Pingback: That's Church » Beast.

  21. AngryMongo
    November 16, 2011 4:47 pm

    Once again, Monty wins the Internets for today.

    “I’m on the Bruins Squad.”

    “You ARE the Bruins Squad.”

  22. jann
    November 16, 2011 4:55 pm

    Were those smelling salts the Bruin player was sniffing right before the parents were going on the ice? I need someone who knows about these things to give me the scoop.

  23. Monty
    November 16, 2011 5:17 pm

    @ Mongo —

    No more rhymes now, I mean it.

    Everyone next to Charo looks like a peanut.

  24. Butcher's Dog
    November 17, 2011 8:25 am

    @jann: probably an ammonia capsule, the kind you crush and shake a bit and then sniff the ammonia. It’s pretty strong; no one in any kind of normal state would do this voluntarily. The waving back and forth is usually the key to me. It’ll focus your concentration, though.