As I mentioned on Tuesday, Chevy sent me and a bunch of other bloggers (not all women! One was a guy and I’ve lost his website name.) on a tour of three local bakeries.
The premise was that we would start at one Burgh bakery where we would get a little tour of the cars and then hop in one of six or so Chevy Sonics and Cruzes and drive ourselves to the next bakery where they would have delicious pastries ready and waiting for us, which we would consume and then hop into our cars and head to the next bakery.
I know what you’re thinking. Did you die and go to heaven because yes, I agree, heaven should be a place where we are whisked away from bakery to bakery forevermore.
I just wanted to tell you two things:
1. OnStar is a son of a bitch sometimes. Except the computer was a woman, so whatever the female equivalent is to “son of a bitch.”
Luckily, Gina from My Very Last Nerve was driving the Cruze with me and Burgh Baby as her passengers and she has balls and wasn’t afraid to scream, “NO, MOTHERF*@#ER” to the computer when it tried to take us someplace remote to kill us rather than direct us to Dozen in Lawrenceville.
This is an almost exact conversation Gina had with the OnStar computer as we attempted to tell it we wished for directions from Gluuteny back to Sugar Cafe in Dormont, not that we needed it, but we were encouraged to try the OnStar system:
OnStar: Say the business name and city please.
Gina: Sugar Cafe in Dormont, Pennsylvania.
OnStar: Ok. Let me look that up. I have found several businesses that match. Say the number when I find the business you are looking for. Number 1: Sugar Cafe in Pittsburgh. Number 2: Sugar [something or other] in [someplace]–
OnStar: Ok. Directing you to Sugar Cafe in Pittsburgh. [pause] I’m sorry. That listing doesn’t exist.
Gina: YOU JUST SAID IT DID, MOTHERF&$^ER.
I feel very confident in saying the machines will not be rising up anytime soon.
2. The bakeries!
Sugar Cafe in Dormont is adorable and the lemon cake is perfection. I mean that. You have to try it. Their cupcakes are exactly right, too. Not too sweet so that you can’t even finish one, but just the right amount of sugar so you can eat a million and then MY GOD, THE CANKLES.
Next up was Dozen, now under new ownership. This was my first Dozen experience and we were treated to Dozen Pop-Tarts (nothing at all like regular hard Pop-Tarts. These are little pies of goodness.), mini cupcakes, cupcake push-up pops (stole one to take home to my kiddo. She loved it.), and pumpkin gobs. All delicious and sweet and burp.
This is a fact: Dozen has the coolest coffee cup chandeliers ever.
Next we moseyed back to our cars and headed to Squirrel Hill to sample the wares at Gluuteny and my gosh, try getting a computer to recognize THAT name. Gluuteny is basically an allergen-free bakery. No wheat or milk or anything and here’s the thing … YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW. They’ve managed to make a cake icing that is the best icing I’ve ever tasted in my whole life and I can’t pinpoint why. Crack maybe? Their cupcakes are the perfect amount of sweetness and their brownies have this crunchy top that makes the cankles worth it.
Also, the store manager is gorgeous in a regular way, but also in an indie hip kind of way. I immediately noticed the tattoo across her upper chest and asked her if I could take a picture of it. She obliged and I had no qualms about pulling her shirt back to get this picture for you:
Her name is Char Ross. Go tell her I sent you and the next time I’m there, I’m trying ALL THE THINGS.
Go support your small local bakeries, Burghers!
(Fine Print: There is no fine print. I wasn’t paid in anything but pastries and I wasn’t asked to write a post about my experience. I just chose to do it.)