First, an aside. Whenever I meet new people and I am introduced as a blogger who writes a site called “That’s Church,” the person I’m being introduced to invariably gets a look on his or her face like, “So she’s a Jesus-freak.” I bet I’d get less of a reaction if I’d named it That’s Satan.
I have selective memory or something because when I heard this news I was all, “Wait. Don’t we hate Nate McLouth? Didn’t he suck as a Pirate?!”
I had to go back and hunt through my blog to find this post that shows that no, apparently, Nate didn’t suck that bad when he was traded away:
Regis says, “Every time they get a good player, like Jason Bay, they lose him…”
Um, we don’t lose our good players, Reeg. The Buccos management is not running around the clubhouse all, “Have you seen Jason Bay? Freddy Sanchez? Nate McLouth? I left them right here and now they’re gone. Check the closets!”
The management traded those good players away because the management has dollar signs for brains.
Apparently what happened, you guys, is that Nate McLouth started sucking upon his departure from the Pirates, which is unusual because when players leave the Pirates, they often start playing their Best Baseball Ever. “I’m HEALED!” That’s Satan.
Granted we got Charlie Morton in the McLouth trade, and depending on the month, that makes you either say, “Best trade ever!” or “God. Charlie Morton is a black hole of suck that is sucking more suck into its gaping abyss-like hole of suck.”
So, how’s Nate been doing? Well! SUCKY!
He hit .190 with the Braves in 2010, then – and this is the really scary part – only batted .234 after being demoted to Class AAA. Then he hit .228 with the Braves in 2011. I’m not saying his batting average is the best indicator of his value, obviously, only pointing out that a guy who provides little defensive value and repeatedly struggles to hit .230 as he heads into his 30s doesn’t seem likely to contribute.
Pirates management said to themselves we let a good player go and he finally started sucking, and that means we can welcome him back into the familial fold of suck.
Not that I won’t root for Nate, because I will, HARD. I’ll have a Nate’s Nutsos section on the bandwagon, but the management sure seems like they are doing their damndest to keep the Suckitude in the Buccos of Suckitude.
Also, Familial Fold of Suck. BAND NAME!
P.S. If Nate McLouth bats higher than Pedro Alvarez, I will uglycry-laugh so hard, they’ll commit me.