With further apologies to Dave Barry

It’s been a while since we’ve tallied up the awesome band names we’ve come up with here on That’s Church. Let’s do that now:

  • Puss-Explosion of the Jejuni
  • The Devil and Tom Brady
  • The Gods of Toxic Shock Syndrome
  • Errant Emu (First album: Lasso a Sprinting Emu)
  • The Devil and the Boysenberries
  • The Cackling Cloacas
  • Insurrectionary Forces of Orgiastic Violence
  • The Sexed Up Gerbils
  • Remnants of Ravioli
  • Violent Rhino Sex
  • Poinsettial Velveteen Glory (church band)
  • Satan and the Prohibition Monsters
  • Great Audastic Huevos
  • Massive Influx of Potholes
  • Bitchslapping Manatees
  • Chief Raging Dick
  • Rodential Violence
  • Dank Tank
  • Gushing Mine Shart
  • The Bogglejiggities
  • The Rogue Tree Pruners
  • Mucho Embiggened (Latin boyband)
  • Machines the Geniuses Built
  • Swayze Waters (also a great porn name)
  • Remarkable Degree of Excess
  • Tilde Schwa
  • Je’et Jet No ‘Jew
  • Jubilant Ginger
  • Sad Ginger Panda
  • Familial Fold of Suck

Send me ten cents if you name your band one of those.

And while we’re here, let’s look at all the things I’m apparently putting on my gravestone:

  • “Looking easy is not the same thing as BEING easy.”
  • “Sometimes bitchy just wins.”
  • “Circumbilivagination.”
  • “A banana without Nutella is stupid.”
  • “Pigeons aren’t birds; they’re vermin.”
  • “Dork is better embiggened.”
  • “Everything I know about Pittsburgh history, I learned from Amazon.com.”
  • “Not a single f*#k was given that day.”
  • “I made pumpkin fudge and it was outstanding.”
  • “Sometimes you just have to be a big bitch.”

You’ll be able to see my gravestone from space.



  1. spoon
    December 7, 2011 2:11 pm

    My first batch of homebrew is ready. I think you need to name it for me since you’re now a beer expert :)

  2. AngryMongo
    December 7, 2011 3:30 pm

    I think we have our first bill for Churchapalooza. It will be better than the time the Rolling Rock Town Fair wouldn’t give anyone beer!

  3. blmflder
    December 7, 2011 3:55 pm

    Swayze Waters – classic…

  4. bucdaddy
    December 7, 2011 4:49 pm

    Hmph. No love for my Ear Piercing Studs. Don’t expect any backstage passes from me when we play the CONSOL Center.

  5. Sooska
    December 8, 2011 12:51 pm

    I was reading the City Paper last week and ran across the resume of a consultant to the columnist Dan Savage. The woman was described as a “sex researcher and vulva puppeteer.” When I stopped giggling I hysterically choked out “GNFAB!!”

    Vulva Puppeteers.