Hell, no, also.

The Pitt Fall started being removed from Kennywood’s skyline yesterday and you know how I feel about that. Good riddance you fear-inducing, puke-provoking piece of scary shit.

Bad news. The Pitt Fall is being replaced with THIS fear-inducing, puke-provoking piece of scary shit:

YouTube Preview Image

That looks like something the aliens would instruct Jodie Foster to build in Contact 2.

Hell no.





42 Comments

  1. Karen Dickinson
    December 15, 2011 3:41 pm

    I hope Kennywood has a good mop.



  2. Leenyburgh
    December 15, 2011 3:49 pm

    I hated the Pitt Fall and it looks like I will hate this one, too. Long live the Thunderbolt.



  3. Magus Patris
    December 15, 2011 3:59 pm

    All the aliens need to do is light a fire underneath for “rotisserie people”. (Tastes just like chicken).



  4. Virginia
    December 15, 2011 3:59 pm

    It’s early in the game, but I’m pretty sure Magnus Patris wins.



  5. spoon
    December 15, 2011 4:01 pm

    How does that thing not take off and fly into the Mon? (think about that while you’re on it)



  6. Bill
    December 15, 2011 4:12 pm

    Wow! Giant Wheel o’ Death! One more ride I won’t be on.



  7. Gina
    December 15, 2011 4:14 pm

    Why does it have to spin, dammit? I hate the spinny rides. I am so sad that my favorite rider ever is leaving Kennywood. I’d like this one if it wasn’t barfy.



  8. Ken
    December 15, 2011 4:26 pm

    This just looks like the Cosmic Chaos (spaceship) ride on a larger scale. My favorite ride of all time was the Flying Carpet. I wish they would bring that back.



  9. depG
    December 15, 2011 4:58 pm

    Isn’t that the same thing that’s at Cedar Point?



  10. Heather
    December 15, 2011 5:09 pm

    Ahhhhhhh!!!! I wanna go on this, like, RIGHT NOW!!! (Being from outside of Pittsburgh) I haven’t been to Kennywood for about 13 years, but that might just have to change this year!



  11. Jen
    December 15, 2011 5:53 pm

    no. no. nonononononononono. the video didn’t show you the part where the people go flying out of their seats and soar through the air before plummeting to their death.

    i did like the music they chose for the video though. very fancy. possibly a viable option for porn movie music.



  12. SpudMom
    December 15, 2011 6:07 pm

    Aw, hell no.

    Is this supposed to be some sick form of population control? Because that is nothing but a giant way to DIE.



  13. Steve
    December 15, 2011 6:09 pm

    Has nothing to do with ride O’doom, but a great read on the weekend before Christmas.

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/15/anonymous-donors-pay-off-kmart-layaway-accounts-across-country/



  14. jmarinara
    December 15, 2011 8:28 pm

    MOTHER. OF. . . .



  15. mamabear
    December 15, 2011 8:36 pm

    Oh. NO. Just watching that made me want to barf.



  16. Noelle
    December 15, 2011 8:42 pm

    It’s like a War-of-the-Worlds-Steam-Punk torture device for alleged terrorists.



  17. Jann
    December 15, 2011 8:43 pm

    Thanks Steve for sharing that link. A real tearjerker!

    I think the Pitfall is fun – but could never stomach that new ride.



  18. Becky
    December 15, 2011 8:48 pm

    Notice how the video shows the torture device surrounded by water. Easier to wash the puke into!!



  19. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    December 15, 2011 10:01 pm

    That’s actually my kind of ride. I can’t do coasters because of the feeling you get going down the hills reminds me of the sa,e sensation I felt when I was in a car accident 15 years ago (I broke the passenger side dashboard with my knees). Spinning stuff is ok.



  20. bucdaddy
    December 16, 2011 1:37 am

    I loved PittFall, but that … looks … freaking … AWESOME!

    You know what else is awesome? Bucdaddy gets the Senior Discount on May 23.



  21. Michelle
    December 16, 2011 2:46 am

    @ #9: Yes, Cedar Point has one, and Kings Island here in Cincinnati does too. They’re way less scary than they look, but I can’t recommend it for people who can’t do things that spin. As for me, I can’t wait to come home next summer and see what it’s like flying over that ravine!!



  22. Dan (Not Onorato)
    December 16, 2011 7:52 am

    That thing just looks evil…



  23. emstef23
    December 16, 2011 8:33 am

    just no….no no no no no. you couldn’t pay me to ride that thing. there is so much wrong with it. oh.my.god.



  24. unsatisfied
    December 16, 2011 9:53 am

    I’d ride that. before eating, though.

    @jen….good call on the porno music.



  25. natasha
    December 16, 2011 10:20 am

    dear god… WHY?!?!?!

    I’ll stick to the Turtles, thanks!



  26. bluzdude
    December 16, 2011 10:59 am

    I can’t hack the spinny rides either. And if I were to get on this thing, I just KNOW it would break free and loop all the way over the top.

    Oh geez, here come the “swing-set” nightmares again.



  27. empirechick
    December 16, 2011 11:32 am

    I used to LOVE spinny rides – the faster it spun, the more I liked it. I could ride the Enterprise (it has a different name now) and Hell Hole and Music Express over and over and over again. And then I went to the Butler Fair.

    We were on a version of the Spider, and the carny turned it on and then sat down to eat his dinner. How long is a typical spinny ride, 2-3 mins tops? We were on there for at least 5 minutes, probably more like 7 or 8. Other rides around us started and stopped and started again.

    Since then I can’t even do the merry-go-round and I easily get car sick. Thanks for the ride, carny!



  28. Butcher's Dog
    December 16, 2011 12:40 pm

    @bucdaddy: Senior Discount on May 23? We’ll look for you in line at the early-bird specials (4 PM opening) starting on the 24th. Prolly take a bit longer for you to find the pants that buckle just under where your pecs used to be, though.



  29. Carol
    December 16, 2011 12:56 pm

    I like spinning. I like swinging. But..together??
    I never even went NEAR the Pitt Fall, but this one would make me lose everything I’d eaten for 2 days.

    @Ken – loved the Magic Carpet & miss it too.



  30. Heather
    December 16, 2011 1:27 pm

    Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl, and bucdaddy and me will be taking a trip this summer, it appears… :)



  31. Down Goes Staalsy
    December 16, 2011 2:18 pm

    Hmm, I’m a bit torn on this one. I hated the Pitfall with a passion (just can’t stand the feeling of free-fall) but this just looks completely terrifying. Then again, I was terrified of the Cosmic Chaos for a couple of years until my husband practically forced me to try it out, and I realized it is one of the most fun rides in the park. He may have to drag me kicking and screaming onto this one though.



  32. Leigh
    December 16, 2011 3:01 pm

    That looks like a human version of a pumpkin chunkin’ machine. no thanks!



  33. Steverino
    December 16, 2011 3:46 pm

    I believe they will have troughs to collect and carry the urine, feces and vomit into the river from this heap ‘o’steel. Rad.



  34. KGC
    December 16, 2011 3:49 pm

    If I didn’t have a recurring vertigo condition, I’d be first in line!



  35. unsatisfied
    December 16, 2011 3:59 pm

    “spinny”….is that more pixburghese? like “slippy”?



  36. Scott - Quirky Travel Guy
    December 16, 2011 4:38 pm

    I loved the Pitfall… but that new thing does not look like fun.



  37. LeeInIrwin
    December 17, 2011 12:06 am

    I guess since it will be called ‘The Black Widow Experience’ it won’t have those cool dinosuars standing around….
    So will it have spider characters or does the name imply imminent death at the end of the ride…..



  38. bucdaddy
    December 17, 2011 2:58 am

    B-Dawg,

    Funny you should mention pants. I hit the buy one, get two free sale at Jos. A. Bank last week. Thought I could use some new pants. So I find the shelf with the JAB equivalent of Dockers and pick three in my size — 34 waist, 30 length — $67 a pair/3. And I try a pair on and they’re a good inch short of encompassing my stomach. The hell? So I ask the clerk what gives? The clerk says, “Well, our pants tend to run a little large in the waist.” So OK, I up to 36/30 and try them on and they fit OK around the waist. I take them home and wear a pair to church on Sunday and I notice … they kind of keep catching on the heel. The hell again? Are they too LONG now? I hadn’t noticed this amid my consternation about the waist. So I take the three pairs back to JAB and tell the clerk, “Um, these aren’t really 30s, are they?” And she said, “Well, they tend to run a little small in the length.” So I trade the 36/30s for three 36/29s and try a pair on, and damned if they don’t just graze the heel of my shoe. I ask the clerk, Jesus, do I need a 28? She says, “Well, we don’t make a 36/28.” So I risk the 29s and wash them and toss them in the dryer on high (all cotton) and hope to shrink them just a little, which seems to have worked kind of OK. I think they won’t drag in the snow and mud.

    But let me ask you: How long can you stay in business telling your customers they’re fat and stubby?



  39. dash66
    December 17, 2011 4:40 am

    Oh HELL YEAH!!! That looks AWESOME! Looks like i’ll be moving back to Pittsburgh just at the right time!



  40. Sam's Dog
    December 17, 2011 9:48 am

    @ bucdaddy, so that’s what I have to look forward to? Gee, thanks.



  41. Butcher's Dog
    December 18, 2011 12:38 pm

    @Sam’s Dog: that’s what we all have to look forward to. And the alternative is extremely unpleasant and very permanent. So we’ll deal with it.

    @bucdaddy: how long can you stay in business…? As long as you offer buy one-get two free!



  42. Sam's Dog
    December 18, 2011 2:38 pm

    Butcher’s Dog, you’re right- growing old completely kicks the shit out of the alternative.