Each year the Steelers release a Christmas video. Their way of wishing their fans a happy holiday while showcasing some of the most terrible singing skills since I sang “Silent Night” twenty minutes ago and my daughter screamed at me to “STOP!” and my dog whined pathetically and then shat the rug.

You know you can’t sing when you make animals lose complete control of their bowels.

This year the Steelers are releasing four videos of Christmas carols sung by the team and the first video is up at Steelers.com featuring Mike Tomlin, the defensive line, the tight ends [wink], and the kickers.

First up is the defensive line singing “Winter Wonderland” in the style of Drunk at the Office Christmas Party. I particularly love the coach who is concentrating so hard to read the words on the cue cards that his brain very nearly starts smoking.

Then the tight ends are singing “Sleigh Ride” in the style of Preschool Christmas Sing-Along Spectacular. They are frozen. Lifeless. Only their lips are moving.

All that’s missing is a girl in the front repeatedly pulling her dress over her head to show the audience her Elmo underwear. That’s usually the role my daughter plays every year. Except this year she played “Girl who needs to pee urgently.” We’re so proud.

And finally the kickers are up:

I’m sorry, but I can’t hear past all the LOUD PORN ‘STACHES.

Somebody put a Schick in their stockings, would ya?

That’s not a euphemism.



  1. TracyinSC
    December 19, 2011 2:06 pm

    Ziggy’s dancing made me smile. Fingers crossed that Part 2, 3, and/or 4 are better.

  2. Jenny
    December 19, 2011 2:20 pm

    Oh, Lordy.
    “I’m sorry, but I can’t hear past all the LOUD PORN ‘STACHES.”
    That pretty much sums it up. :)

  3. unsatisfied
    December 19, 2011 3:46 pm

    first of all — even steelers.com has commercials before their videos? shenanigans.

    B. — the tight ends need to loosen up their tight ends.

    lastly — how many porn-star kickers do we actually have on this team? and, doesn’t jeff reed wish that he were a part of this?

    also — don’t ever do this again, steelers. I don’t need to hear any more shit from ravens fans.

  4. Erin
    December 19, 2011 4:27 pm

    This is awesome and I am dying. I want to be friends with Chris Hoke.

  5. Julie
    December 19, 2011 6:54 pm

    Seriously, what is up with the weird moustaches???
    Did you see that Fu Manchu that Flacco was sporting last night?? Who told him that was a good idea? He’s goofy looking to begin with!!

    Ginny, you couldn’t have summarized those performances any better!! Bravo!

    Oh, and of the Preschool Sing-Along, I am personally thankful no one was playing the part of “Boy who Continually Picks his Nose.”

  6. Becky
    December 19, 2011 7:14 pm

    I bet this was filmed during that whole mustache+November=Movember thing and that’s why they all had those crazy mustaches.

  7. Cathy
    December 20, 2011 2:43 pm

    @ Ginny

    #2 is up featuring the linebackers singing Frosty and the Wide Receivers singing Rudolph.