For poop-flingers, monkeys are pretty smart.
That’s the best sentence I’ve ever written.
I should just stop the post right here.
But there’s this:
Pigeons may not be so bird-brained after all, as scientists have found the birds’ ability to understand numbers is on par with that of primates.
When I read this sentence, I thought to myself, “Shit.”
Oh! Before I continue, would one of you in Lukey’s office show him that previous sentence and explain to him that THAT is the correct way to use “myself” in a sentence? KTHXBAI.
The reason I thought, “Shit,” is because if the pigeons can understand complex numbers and math and algebra and parallelograms and trapezoids … if the pigeons can solve for X, we are BEYOND screwed.There will be an uprising. They’ll reprogram Beelzebub 2.0 to include the ability to shit directly into our mouths (MERRY CHRISTMAS!). They’ll build pigeon robots capable of flying through brick walls.
Pigeons are bad enough vermin, controlled by Satan, the last thing we need is for them to be smart with numbers.
Then I read on:
Scarf and his colleagues first trained three pigeons to count up to three.
Once the birds learned to count to three, the researchers began showing the pigeons images with up to nine objects. On average, without higher-number training or food rewards, the pigeons were able to correctly order the image sets over 70 percent of the time.
And then I relaxed.
The pigeons can count to three! And 70% of them can count to nine! I don’t think they’ll be building a supercomputer with a “Smite PittGirl Hard” program anytime soon.
However, this does prove one thing:
For puke-eaters, pigeons are pretty smart.