Shhh.

Jaromir Jagr is back in town tonight, as is Max Talbot, both of them playing for the hated Flyers [patooie] [stabs the Marian Hossa voodoo doll in the throat].

What?

You have a couple of choices:

  • You can choose to not boo Jagr.
  • You can boo Jagr a little bit on the inside.
  • You can boo Jagr a little bit on the outside. Boo.
  • You can boo Jagr until your guts spill out of your mouth.
  • You can boo Jagr until your vocal cords seize.
  • You can boo Jagr until you forget to suck air back in, and pass out, pulling a “Friend of Jeff Reed’s.” That’s not a euphemism.
  • You can boo Jagr until your face goes all Raiders of the Lost Ark facemelt and your children scream, “DADDY’S SCARING ME!” Or in my case, “MOMMY’S SCARING ME!”

But what you cannot do, what you shall not do, what you must not do, Pittsburgh, is boo Max Talbot.

I won’t allow it.

[awkward kung fu moves]

But my God, I won’t judge you one bit if you boo that Jagr jackass until your eardrums rupture at the same time your spleen does.

 





19 Comments

  1. red pen mama
    December 29, 2011 1:52 pm

    I must be the most mild-mannered Pittsburgh fan on the planet. I have no urge to boo Jagr. And I’m with you about Talbot. I wish he were still ours. But he’s not. *sniff*

    The only two rival players I will avow hate for are Ovechkin (The Kraken I believe you dubbed him, Ginny?) and Ray “Murderer” Lewis. (oh, excuse me, “alleged my ass murderer”).



  2. Butcher's Dog
    December 29, 2011 2:10 pm

    Well, rpm, I’m with you on Ovie and Lewis. Can’t believe Starkey ran the “most hated” list today in the Trib and didn’t include either. And not to go all English teacher once again, but he did write that a criteria was they had to “play in Pittsburgh.” Having read enough juvenile writing to last a lifetime, I realize he meant “play for Pittsburgh.” But he didn’t say that. So we got Cliff Stoudt and Neil O’Donnell instead of those two, both of whom have, indeed, played “in” Pittsburgh on an number of occasions.

    Expecting the Trib to make sense is like expecting Congress to get along. Not happenin’.

    As for booing Jagr, I’ll be at home, probably making very obscene gestures to the TV screen. Of course much the same thing happens about every third or fourth time Bob Errey says anything, but these will be much more private-parts specific gestures. Cleanse your brains of that before dropping off to sleep tonight, please.



  3. Butcher's Dog
    December 29, 2011 2:11 pm

    “an” should be “any” in the last line of the first paragraph above. Sorry!



  4. Matt
    December 29, 2011 2:34 pm

    Talbot will be booed simply because he was so loved here in Pittsburgh and, on his free will, decided to become on Flyer. $hhh



  5. G-Man
    December 29, 2011 2:40 pm

    I will cut Max some slack because he is not a native Pittsburgher and therefore hasn’t the same inbred hatred of Flyers the rest of us do. I have often said that if there was a way that the New England Patriots could square off in a game against the Flyers, I would pray for a nuclear device to explode on the playing surface and then spread outward to the fans of both teams sitting in the stands. It’s a sports version of addition by subtraction.



  6. Monty
    December 29, 2011 2:55 pm

    Booing means you care. Everyone in the whole joint should just go completely silent every time Jagr touches the puck.

    Seriously, who gives a shit about him? He hasn’t won a cup in 20 years. He’ll pull a groin and fuck up his taxes by the All Star break.



  7. Beatrice
    December 29, 2011 2:56 pm

    Totally agree! No booing Max.



  8. MissChris
    December 29, 2011 3:16 pm

    No need to boo Talbot. Karma is a bitch so I don’t have to be one.



  9. empirechick
    December 29, 2011 3:28 pm

    It’s easy to take the ‘hometown discount’ to stay in Pittsburgh when you’re Crosby and the discount still gets you $8.7M per year. For a player like Talbot (and Rob Scuderi and Ryan Malone before him), that big payday only comes around once. I can’t root for him (and I only wear my autographed Talbot Foundation t-shirt under sweatshirts on non-game days), but I don’t blame him one bit for taking the cash.

    And he will always be the hero of Game 7 in Detroit.



  10. Dan (Not Onorato)
    December 29, 2011 3:36 pm

    I was OK with Jagr not signing here in the first place, so I wont boo him…I didnt believe his agent when he said that Jagr wanted to play here so whatever…

    Talbot will always be one of my favorite players and I understand why he left and I also understand why the Pens didnt offer him more. He’ll always get the “Superstar Treatment” from this City in my opinion!



  11. Butcher's Dog
    December 29, 2011 3:47 pm

    @empirechick: agreed. Scuderi and Malone don’t really hear it when they come back, so Max shouldn’t either. No way the place will be silent for Jags, though. He pissed off people before he left the first time and hasn’t done anything since to show he’s sorry. Let him get it all anyone wants.

    And @Dan (Not Onorato) you’re right. So what is with Steigy calling Dupuis “Superstar” all of a sudden? Just another reason I’m glad to be heading south for three months with my XM Radio: I won’t have to listen to those two jagoffs on Root until sometime in April!



  12. facie
    December 29, 2011 4:11 pm

    I am not much for booing anyone, and I probably would not boo even Ovie. But I am with you, Ginny.

    And can I just tell you how much I love that I knew what your post was going to be about just from the title, as I am sure many of your readers did? I still get chills thinking about that game.

    Here’s hoping the Pens get a W and, more importantly, a healthy Sidney Crosby soon.



  13. Kristin
    December 29, 2011 4:37 pm

    In sports, when you never know if you will sustain a career-ending injury in this game or the next, I can’t fault any player for going after the paycheck. Even if it means going to the rival. Caveat: as long as they’re not a d*ck about it. Max is fine. I wish him well. On the other hand, Jagr was, and still is, a douchecanoe.



  14. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    December 29, 2011 4:38 pm

    I won’t boo either. Can’t do it. I’m always afraid that some relative (most likely my mom) will come out of no where and smack me upside of the head. Booing, no matter the player, was/is not permitted in my household. Besides, as @Monty notes, booing means Jagr means something (good or bad depending on your perspective).



  15. Angela
    December 29, 2011 5:59 pm

    I’ll boo Max no more than I boo-ed my delicious pre-game enchiladas at Las Velas on Tuesday. =)

    I loved him here….Proof:
    I have my engagement photos in my home Talbot jersey (also included in the Mario mosaic).
    My car’s name is Max and I have a Talbot #25 bracelet on his gearshift.
    My puppy that unfortunately passed after an unknown illness was Talbo (Talbo Rupper…odd coincidence? I now own Miracle Onice (On ice))

    I’ll never get rid of that jersey. Max was pivotal to the SC run and I’ll never forget it.

    And despite making Miracle wear the Jagr jersey for Jagr watch photos, I wasn’t a huge fan of him like my husband was. I had eyes only for Mario…and Paul Coffey. =)



  16. Christina
    December 29, 2011 6:06 pm

    Max *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*
    Sure no boo, but it still feels so wrong.



  17. jann
    December 30, 2011 11:18 am

    Red pen mama-

    Love this! :(oh, excuse me, “alleged my ass murderer”). Mind if I use it?



  18. red pen mama
    December 30, 2011 11:57 am

    @jann,

    you go right ahead! :)