It is my in-expert opinion that rhino sex is the most violent of all animal sex.
Why else would I have a fake band name of Violent Rhino Sex?
Violent Rhino Sex was created after this appeared in the P-G:
Barbara Baker, Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium president and chief operating officer, held a news conference outside the rhino yard today to alert zoo visitors that they could be witness to some rough but “entertaining” animal sex.
If you have an interest in just how “violent” rhino sex can get … if you’re interested in animal mating in general, AND WHO ISN’T?!, then the Pittsburgh Zoo has got a Valentine’s Day treat for you!
Join us for dinner, cocktails, and an adults-only presentation by Henry Kacprzyk, who will reveal the intimate secrets of exotic animal mating. From the most violent mating battles to the subtlest courting rituals, learn how the animals of land, sea, and air find love in the wild. Pre-registration is required by Monday, February 6.
I find animal sex embarrassing. If I’m at the zoo and the elephants start going at it, I’m all [blush] OMG TURN OFF THE ANIMAL PORN, YOU GUYS! (Hiya, Googlers of “animal porn.”) When my dog starts humping his stuffed duck girlfriend, I shout, “NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT! TAKE IT TO YOUR BED, LITTLE DOGGIE!”
So I’ll be passing this event up, but I’m sure there are other less pilgrim-y Burghers out there who would love this. If you go, let me know if there is animal sex more violent than rhino sex. For all I know my next band name needs to be Berserk Praying Mantis Sex.
P.S. I just searched “rhino sex” on YouTube. Don’t you do it. Trust me. Neuralyzer please.
(h/t Mikey on Twitter)