[fingerhearts], Fayette County

This is quite a story and the only other place on the planet I could see this happening is West Virginia.

Let me sum up, Westley!

A 14-year-old led police on a car chase in Fayette County while driving a van, slid to a stop in a field, desperately took off on foot only to finally be apprehended at which point the cops found a loaded handgun in his jeans pocket.

Now, you’d think he did this without an adult’s permission, but you would have thunk it wrong, Internet, because you’ve forgotten one very important thing — THIS IS FAYETTE COUNTY.

The van’s owner, Joseph D. Lewis Jr., 42, of Lemont Furnace, told police he “let his little dude drive it to go see his girl and he was to bring it right back,” according to the police report.

Brilliant!

Little Dude: “Hey, can I borrow your van?”

Adult: “You ain’t old enough to drive yet, son!”

Little Dude: “But I need to go see my girl.”

Adult: “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?!” [tosses van keys to Little Dude]

Little Dude: “Thanks!” [Climbs in behind the wheel]

Adult: [realization dawns] “Hey! Wait just one minute! … Do you have a loaded gun?”

Little Dude: [pats pocket] “Right here.”

Adult: “Good boy. Now you bring the van RIGHT BACK, ya’ hear?”

Dear Fayette County, don’t ever change. Ever.

(h/t sleepgh)





27 Comments

  1. Butcher's Dog
    January 26, 2012 8:48 am

    Reader protest! The use of the word “adult” in the conversation quoted above is an affront to the language. Hate to go all English-Teacher here (actually I kind of enjoy it), but maybe “older person” or “parent” would be more specific. As always, just sayin’.



  2. Amy
    January 26, 2012 9:12 am

    I know that ‘Burghers love to bash WV, but c’mon! Have you SEEN any of the documentaries on the West Memphis Three? Arkansas blows WV out of the water when it comes to all those toothless, scary, hillbilly stereotypes Yinzers love to pin on their neighbors to the south. I was born and raised in WV and have been a Super Proud Yinzer for about 14 years now (don’t ANYONE mess with my City!) and I can tell you…other than a more sophisticated metropolitan area and a larger concentration of hipsters, WV really isn’t all that different from Western PA (I will give you Huntington, WV as the exception). But Arkansas…I’m sure there are some lovely places to visit there, but I am pretty much terrified to ever go there. Crazy/Scary is abundant in that place. Just sticking up for my home state. It gets too much of an undeserved bad rep!



    • Lauren
      January 26, 2012 9:41 am

      As someone from Pittsburgh who is married to someone from Arkansas, I actually have to agree with this comment :) The difference is that you can get a leaner’s permit in Arkansas at 14, so this kwouldn’t be illegal there like it is in PA.



    • Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
      January 26, 2012 10:32 am

      As someone who has been to Arkansas to visit family, I wholeheartedly support this comment.



    • LaReina
      January 29, 2012 7:17 pm

      I was born and raised in the Burgh (sahth hills, ‘n’at) and reside in W.Va., which I love dearly. Most of us around here are loyal Steelers fans and law-abiding citizens, so why the hate, yinz guys?



  3. brittany
    January 26, 2012 10:07 am

    I’m grew up in Fayette County, lived in Pittsburgh, and now live and work in WV. I promise not all Fayette Countians and West Virginians are like this! In fact, it’s small amount. And I work in news so I see it all! I love your blog though. lol



  4. bucdaddy
    January 26, 2012 10:55 am

    Which city’s football team won its last game?

    1. Pittsburgh

    2. Steelers Nation

    3. Morgantown

    Don’t make me invoke football again.



  5. Dan (Not Onorato)
    January 26, 2012 11:38 am

    @ Bucdaddy…didnt the Steeler Nation REALLY win when Einhorn was Finkle and Finkle was Cundiff?

    Just sayin!



  6. AngryMongo
    January 26, 2012 12:02 pm

    If you’re going to trot out classic 80s movie lines, let’s do this! This is war… The war is on.

    “One thing about living in Fayette County I never could stomach, all the damn gun toting, van driving, love struck teenage rednecks.”



    • Butcher's Dog
      January 26, 2012 12:41 pm

      Well, bucdaddy already started with the Droogs reference awhile back, which earns my undying respect because he knows Clockwork Orange. I’d rather invoke one of my new favorite shows, Swamp People. You haven’t seen scary until you’ve seen a) Malcolm McDowell as Alex or, b) the brothers Glenn and Mitchell on Swamp People (History Channel on Thursday nights; new season starts in February). Most of them hunt alligators, if you’re curious.

      I know…I know…not nearly enough to occupy my mind.



      • bucdaddy
        January 26, 2012 1:01 pm

        Since us old guys are riffing …

        Well, the sheriff got word that Amos
        Was in the swamp trapping alligator skin
        So he snuck in the swamp
        “Gonna getcha, boy!”
        But he never come out again.

        Well, wonder where Lousiana sheriff went to?
        You can sure get lost in the Lousiana Bayou

        (RIP Jerry Reed)



        • AngryMongo
          January 27, 2012 10:39 am

          Called him Amos Moses… FTW

          As an old fart, I am ashamed to say I never knew of that song until I played Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.



  7. Truestory
    January 26, 2012 1:16 pm

    This may be a cute story about a bunch of rednecks, but it could have taken a tragic turn:
    http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/valleyindependent/news/s_109913.html



  8. TK
    January 26, 2012 3:29 pm

    The Real Fayette County conversation

    Little Dude: “Hey, can I borrow your van?”

    Adult: “You ain’t old enough to drive yet, son!”

    Little Dude: “But I need to go see my girl.”

    Adult: “Since when do you need to drive a van to get to your sister’s bedroom?”



  9. Sara
    January 27, 2012 11:32 am

    One of the radio stations (KISS FM, maybe?) has a segment specifically dedicated to bringing Pittsburghers the bizarre news stories from Fayette County. Blows my mind.



  10. Dr Kevlar
    January 27, 2012 5:25 pm

    “Patches, I’m dependin’ on ya son, to pull the family through my son, it’s all left up to you…”

    Thank you Clarence Carter…



  11. Summer
    January 28, 2012 7:05 pm

    Please, in WVA, we know better than to carry our loaded guns in a pocket.