So, that thermometer over there is inching up bit by bit, and it’s updating live after Woy texted me all, “I MADE THAT THING MY BITCH.”
You think I’m making that up, but I’m completely serious. Thanks for your donations! Keep ’em coming! I’m greedy like that! MONEY MONEY MONEY FOR SICK KIDS.
I was hunting through my basement the other day, hoping to stumble upon a treasure of embarrasing pictures of my lustrously mustachioed teenaged self with which to bribe you into donating to kids with cancer, when I found a box of stuff from my college years.
My college years were the four-year period when I went from a slightly chunky, lustrously mustachioed, four-eyed space-obsessed teenager to a less-chunky, less-mustachioed, contact lens wearing, equally space-obsessed young adult. Yeah, it wasn’t until after college that I finally went from ugly duckling to whatever the hell I am now. Less ugly ducking. Ish. Now with all new gray hair!
So! Look what I found! And yes, I took 47 pictures of this shit. Like a boss.
1. I saved the souvenir edition of the Post-Gazette when the Penguins won the cup in 1992:
Hi, Mario. Will you marry me?
2. I found Jim Leyland’s manager card from sixty billion years ago, the last time the Pirates contended for anything other than being sucking losing losers (THIS IS THE YEAR!!!!!!!):
Oh, Doug Drabek. Were that my mustache were as luxurious as his. SILKY SMOOTH.
3. I found some of my space stuff that I kept on my desk in college, to remind myself to “REACH FOR THE STARS.” [single tear].
The words you are looking for are “giant mustachioed dorkgirl.”
4. And I found the senior picture of my date for my junior prom! But I can’t show you his face because you have to donate the $10,000 to see the two of us on the Gateway Clipper circa 1991.
Trust me. It’s SILKY SMOOTH!