LOL Pirates

There are three ways to interpret this news:

1. We’re being punked.

2. Pirates management officially lost their marbles.

3. Clint Hurdle has a plan. A diabolical plan. We just need to trust him.

4.  [brokenhearted sobs in the shower] “This was supposed to be the year, damn it!”

From Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke, comes this:

Dmitri Young is 38-years-old, which is 55-years-old in baseball years, 75-years-old in hockey years, and 159-years-old in football years (your math may vary). This is Dmitiri the last time he played baseball four years ago:

Now, granted he’s slimmer now after taking it upon himself to get fit enough to pull a Favre and come out of retirement:

An effervescent grin has replaced the frustrated scowl that Young wore as his major league career wore down, and he’s a shade of his former self, having pared his more than 300-lb. frame down to a svelte 230 lbs.

“When they get to my age, they figure things out, and the one thing I figured out was how to get my health in order. That’s, to me, been hindering me every since I got the diabetes.”

That might be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone seriously call it “the diabetes.”

You can see a picture of the slimmed down Dmitri here.

BUT STILL! He’s 38! He only hit .167 while playing first base in Venezuela!

Why don’t we see what Kevin Young is up to while we’re at it?

But seriously, you guys, THIS IS THE YEAR!

[awkward kung fu moves]

(h/t Charles and others)


  1. Washpa
    February 8, 2012 11:34 am

    The Pirates are only looking to sign him so they can pick up a sponsorship from Wilford Brimley and his diabeetus services.

  2. Washpa
    February 8, 2012 11:36 am

    Actually, they may want to see what Wilford is up to these days.

  3. Oswald Van Ooster
    February 8, 2012 11:43 am

    I shudder at the thought of this man’s bowel movements

  4. spoon
    February 8, 2012 11:58 am

    2 words – Benito Santiago

    We love old dudes beyond their prime whom once had cool baseball cards

  5. unsatisfied
    February 8, 2012 12:04 pm

    they’re still…, you know.

  6. Matt
    February 8, 2012 12:19 pm

    Same s**t, new season. Any team under the Nuttings will never win anything, ever. Want to see the Pirates win? Stop supporting them in any way. When Nutting can’t make money off the team, things will change for the better.

  7. RichD
    February 8, 2012 12:38 pm

    Did someone forget to lock up and let Cam Bonifay sneak in? Check the closets, hide yo kids…

  8. AngryMongo
    February 8, 2012 12:39 pm

    “I’ve never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.”
    “Most of these guys never had a prime.”
    “This guy here is dead!”
    “Cross him off, then! “

    • Mandi
      February 9, 2012 9:28 am

      One of my favorite sports movies of all time!

      “Here’s the pitch… juuuuuust a bit outside.”

  9. Gina
    February 8, 2012 12:47 pm

    At least he didn’t call it “the sugar”

  10. nycldenise
    February 8, 2012 1:19 pm

    Apparently Clint Hurdle thought the same thing everyone else did after watching “Moneyball” – “The Pirates are going to the playoffs on a team of broken dreams!”

    No? Just Clint Hurdle and I?

    Maybe he was just wishing Brad Pitt came along with this horrendous staffing choice.

  11. Sean in Louisville
    February 8, 2012 1:54 pm

    I thought last year was “the year” until the el foldo during the second half of the season. Thanks to this bit of news, I won’t have to suffer the pain of misplaced optimism and hope again this year. It appears that the Pirates are actually trying to start the season below .500 before they even play a single inning. And they’re off to a great start.

  12. bluzdude
    February 8, 2012 3:39 pm

    230 is svelte??? Woo Hoooo!

  13. Butcher's Dog
    February 8, 2012 4:18 pm

    OK, first they’re just working him out. They didn’t give him the keys to the city. Yet.

    Let’s hope Hurdle and company are astute enough to be able to decide if the guy can help or not. And why should they overlook someone who could help? Breathe, people. Spring Training hasn’t even started yet.

  14. PittCheMBA
    February 8, 2012 7:27 pm

    This is a typical Pirates move. They want the fans to believe they have found a hidden “gem”.

  15. Ginny's Dad
    February 8, 2012 8:43 pm

    He’s going to be used as a “pinchbunter”.