There are three ways to interpret this news:
1. We’re being punked.
2. Pirates management officially lost their marbles.
3. Clint Hurdle has a plan. A diabolical plan. We just need to trust him.
4. [brokenhearted sobs in the shower] “This was supposed to be the year, damn it!”
Dmitri Young is 38-years-old, which is 55-years-old in baseball years, 75-years-old in hockey years, and 159-years-old in football years (your math may vary). This is Dmitiri the last time he played baseball four years ago:
Now, granted he’s slimmer now after taking it upon himself to get fit enough to pull a Favre and come out of retirement:
An effervescent grin has replaced the frustrated scowl that Young wore as his major league career wore down, and he’s a shade of his former self, having pared his more than 300-lb. frame down to a svelte 230 lbs.
“When they get to my age, they figure things out, and the one thing I figured out was how to get my health in order. That’s, to me, been hindering me every since I got the diabetes.”
That might be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone seriously call it “the diabetes.”
You can see a picture of the slimmed down Dmitri here.
BUT STILL! He’s 38! He only hit .167 while playing first base in Venezuela!
Why don’t we see what Kevin Young is up to while we’re at it?
But seriously, you guys, THIS IS THE YEAR!
[awkward kung fu moves]
(h/t Charles and others)