There’s something about Ginny

Well, you’ve earned it.

First, a little back story!

Oh, I was just in love with this boy, but I never really admitted it until I was 37-years-old … so, you know, TODAY. He was my first crush after I finally got over my YEARS long crush on the pastor’s son. Remember him?

As my sister Tina Fey said, “It looks like you glued a Webkinz to your head.” Hey, if all the teenagers today start gluing Webkinzs to their heads, I get credit for that!

My junior prom date went to my church, too; he was a year older than me, and our families were friends; we went to all kinds of church events together, and he was the funniest guy I knew. We could spend hours sitting in the bleachers at a basketball game just laughing so hard we’d almost puke our spleens up.

I have so many distinct memories of him when I was 16 and 17.  The time at my parents house he picked me up, flung me over his shoulder and twirled me around for no reason.

I think that’s when I became a hopeless romantic. Talk about a soaring heart.

Nothing ever happened with him because he only ever saw me as a friend and at that age, I wouldn’t have even known what to do with a boy who liked me back. I was THAT MUCH OF A PILGRIM, YOU GUYS.

Probably, at 16-years-old, if a boy that I liked admitted he liked me back, I would have thoughtfully stroked my mustache all, “Hmm. Is that so?”

So when I was a junior in high school, I asked this boy to go to my prom with me, as he went to a different high school than I did. I still remember the phone call on that special phone my parents kept in the basement bedroom. The one with the button I could hold down so the voice of the person on the other end would be amplified for me to hear. He said yes and I laid on the bed for a while, but in my head I was frolicking in the clouds of Allegheny Ecstasy.

Okay, THAT’S when I became a hopeless romantic.

This was taken on the Majestic of the Gateway Clipper Fleet. Norwin prom of 1991.  The theme is obviously Phantom of the Opera.

But the theme of my hair is “There’s Something About Mary.”

Let’s take it from the top. The hair. Seeing as at this point in my life, I didn’t even really know what sperm was or that it had sticky properties, you can safely bet that the reason my hair is standing up like that is BECAUSE I FIXED IT LIKE THAT.

I took my curling iron, curled those bangs up, sprayed them like that and said, “Girl. You too sexy for your mall bangs.”

Moving down. Make up? I’m wearing some. Believe it or not. Let’s contrast that with today’s girls at their proms:

Whore.

I’M KIDDING! Sheesh. But yeah, WHORE.

Still kidding!

Back to me though! Glasses? Check. Sexy? Check!

Now, you’re asking, “Why are you looking up like so? Is it because you’re imagining Allegheny Ecstacy with this boy?”

No. The reason is because the jerk photographer said, “There’s a glare in your glasses. You need to look up. Up. Up. Up up up. Over. Up. THERE!” And then he snapped the picture so the glare was DIRECTLY IN MY EYEBALLS. Jagoff. Meanwhile, look at my date. He’s wearing glasses too and you can’t even tell he has LENSES IN THEM.

One thing I finally got right though was that the dress isn’t the worst taffetastic abomination you’ve ever laid your eyes on. It’s decent. It’s strapless, so as to show off my hairy arms. SILKY SMOOTH! The reason this dress doesn’t suck is because I borrowed it from my sister Tina Fey who had much better fashion sense than I did. You’ll find no pictures of her looking so virginally ridiculous that Laura Ingalls Wilder would be all, “OMG. OPEN UP A BUTTON OR SOMETHING, PRUDE!”

Granny pantyhose? Check!

Shoes that if I put a buckle on them, a pilgrim could wear them? CHECK!

And then look at my date. Gorgeous. Perfect. You can take him out of this picture and plonk him into a prom picture in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s and he would look like he fit in. Timeless. He can look at this picture and go, “Man. I really had it goin’ on back then!”

Whereas I look at this picture and go, “Nice earrings, dork. Was Hills having a sale that week?”

So there it is. One of the best evenings of my life. I remember he drove my father’s Buick Century. Drove right up to Mt. Washington at one point and I don’t remember why. I just remember being impressed that he knew how to get to Mt. Washington. I liked to watch his hands on the steering wheel.

You guys. Do you think maybe we went up to Mt. Washington and made out just as fireworks started exploding over the city and I just somehow blocked that perfect memory out?

Let’s just go with that.

After that, he went to college and I never saw or spoke to him again.

True story.





44 Comments

  1. Noelle
    February 10, 2012 1:00 pm

    Have you considered looking this guy up on facebook?



  2. Sean in Louisville
    February 10, 2012 1:04 pm

    Ginny, with all due respect, I think your date looks goofier than you. Your hair is really just post-80s hair (and 1991 was still close enough to the 80s to fall under their stylistic umbrella). And my first impression before reading your self-deprecating item-by-item breakdown of your appearance was that you actually looked (I pause now to find a word that is complimentary without being inappropriate because you were a teenager then and are a married-ager now) attractive.

    Of course, when you rip every iota of your appearance to shreds, it makes me question my own tastes. So thanks for that.



    • Luke Steelerstahl
      February 12, 2012 10:27 am

      The oversized glasses. The hair style. The pants that looked like they were crumpled in the corner from the day he rented them until the day of the prom

      The guy is DEFINITELY goofier



  3. mike
    February 10, 2012 1:04 pm

    it’s zac morris with glasses. he doesn’t look very happy.



    • unsatisfied
      February 12, 2012 1:04 pm

      given his hair style, I would say more “rick astley”.

      never gonna give you up….



  4. Lauren
    February 10, 2012 1:07 pm

    I had those exact bangs. They are the reason I will never again in my life have bangs. Also, Aquanet FTW.



  5. Dr Kevlar
    February 10, 2012 1:18 pm

    I have destroyed any and all copies of my senior prom pictures. The images burned in my brain are quite enough, thank you.



  6. bigslacker
    February 10, 2012 1:19 pm

    Ginny, you’re too hard on your teenage self.

    I can totally see myself being rude to and then completely ignoring you in high school, the same as I did with all of the girls I thought were cute and funny.

    You know….so they would thing I was dark and mysterious…



  7. Alex
    February 10, 2012 1:20 pm

    OMG – it was SO WORTH the donation!!! OK, I definitely feel good about helping the kids, but WOW! :-)



  8. Elle C.
    February 10, 2012 1:22 pm

    I am more perplexed by the giant..trident (?) leaning on the wall behind you?? Also, that dress could totally be worn to a prom today…except the bottom ruffle would be above mid-thigh. Those HS whores.

    Thank you for all you do for MR4K! I am so inspired by your efforts. :)



    • empirechick
      February 10, 2012 2:32 pm

      I am confused by the trident, too – is it maybe supposed to be a candelabra with dangerously pointy candles?



      • Katie
        February 10, 2012 3:28 pm

        I thinkt he theme was Phantom of the Opera. Maybe that’s the candelabra the Phantom skulked around with.



        • Noelle
          February 10, 2012 4:37 pm

          I love the term “skulked!” Haven’t heard it since “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.



  9. Moxie Bestos
    February 10, 2012 1:23 pm

    Wow! I went to my senior prom with Anthony Michael Hall too! (Photo availble to prove it, if necessary.)



  10. hello haha narf
    February 10, 2012 1:35 pm

    the “higher the hair, the closer to god” bangs are phenomenal! i think you are fantastic in this shot. and go you, scoring a great date with a guy you really liked. bam!

    a friend runs a prom themed website that you might want to check out: http://www.promtacular.com/
    (i am so tempted to dig out my old photos and send those suckers in. whoooooooweeeeeeeeee!) she will be moving the site to tumblr and resuming posting soon so if you or your readers are interested, kristy would love to highlight your long ago prom pictures!



  11. Kristen
    February 10, 2012 3:23 pm

    The way you kept describing this picture, I got myself all pumped up thinking it was going to be something truly embarrassing. I feel so let down! You’re cute!



  12. Craig
    February 10, 2012 3:32 pm

    This could very well be THE reason that Hills went out of business. That and they ran out of Silky Smooth hair stuff.



  13. Butcher's Dog
    February 10, 2012 3:35 pm

    Puking Up Spleens would be a major kick-ass band name. Just sayin’.

    If you were in my class back then, I think you’d have been one of my favorite students. Bright, self-deprecating, and inquisitive. Just sayin’.



  14. Jaime
    February 10, 2012 3:51 pm

    The red rose reminds me of the paper roses that you used to get at Kennywood. Do they still have those?



  15. JMetheny
    February 10, 2012 4:07 pm

    Nothing spells romantic more than a skull and pitchfork…what’s with the bags? laying on the floor..



  16. Monty
    February 10, 2012 4:39 pm

    I love the old Heimlich-prom pose.

    But speaking of hoo-wahs, leave a little room for the holy ghost, young lady!



  17. john
    February 10, 2012 5:06 pm

    I dont understand why they left the plastic on the floor underneath the props…must have been new indoor carpeting on the gateway



  18. Tina Fey
    February 10, 2012 5:32 pm

    Yeah, that dress is pretty rockin’. I had killer taste back then. I look like sh*% now. (I don’t want to swear on here because I know Dad reads it.) Take heart in the fact that you’re now the second prettiest sister. Congrats to you and all your readers who accomplished this great thing.



  19. Leenyburgh
    February 10, 2012 6:37 pm

    “Hills had a sale” is a great line.



  20. shannonsharpe
    February 10, 2012 8:37 pm

    1. Ginny you didn’t use Rave hairspray?
    2. Loved those paper roses at Kennywwod!



  21. spoon
    February 10, 2012 9:29 pm

    your date reminds me of a young @scottsweep



  22. Steelertom
    February 10, 2012 11:32 pm

    How could we not donate? It’s an awesome cause, and I only feel a littler ripped off because you look more hot than you do dorky, Ya Dork! LOL Thanks for entertaining me!



  23. bucdaddy
    February 11, 2012 1:25 am

    Sweet fancy Moses.



  24. Erin
    February 11, 2012 9:25 am

    Aww you look cute! Though whatever trick the photographer was trying to not have glare on your glasses clearly didn’t work. Your date is a hottie! Once I could see his face past those ginormous glasses.



  25. MattDC
    February 11, 2012 7:51 pm

    Thanks for the memories. Sounds like many of my high school dates, too, especially the part where the young lady says, with great relief “. . .and I never or saw or spoke to him again.”



  26. Noelle
    February 12, 2012 5:56 pm

    Ginny, you should have a contest and have readers submit their prom photos from ages past. Readers could vote for the dorkiest one and the winner gets to deliver the goods to Childrens Hospital with you.

    I wouldn’t win, because I was a total hottie in the late 80s *preen* (not), but it would be a riot!



    • empirechick
      February 12, 2012 6:50 pm

      Great idea!! I can’t get past how stylish Ginny’s dress is, when mine (just 2 years earlier) was total Gone With The Wind hoop skirt madness.



  27. bucdaddy
    February 13, 2012 1:21 am

    I’d have been on you like Nutella on a banana.*

    *–Not a euphemism, I mean the yellow fruit.



  28. jessica
    February 13, 2012 1:38 pm

    I am wiping tears from my eyes…this may be the funniest thing I have ever read! You are too funny!