Alternate title: Because Kleptomaniacs Read Too
Apparently all the petty thieves (not to be confused with the Sharply Dressed Penny Thief) get their books and fish from the Bethel Park Public Library where the following chain of events has happened since last fall when 15 Glofish were purchased for the library’s aquarium:
— One died.
— Five disappeared over Thanksgiving. And I do mean disappeared. Gone.
— One fish disappeared per week until Christmas when there was only one fish left. (Hmm. That math doesn’t add up. And I totally carried the one. [thoughtfully chews on pipe stem])
— A few weeks ago, the last fish disappeared, leaving the tank completely empty.
— Somewhere in there, the algae eater disappeared too.
And that’s not all!
McIntosh witnessed a patron emptying the contents of a commercial canister of sugar into a plastic sandwich bag. The library used to supply individual small cups of liquid coffee creamer, but patrons stole those.
Last summer, someone was found picking green bell peppers from the library’s outdoor garden.
And now there’s a new item being stolen: Styrofoam cups.
This is kind of hilarious.
As an unofficial member of CSI:Pittsburgh, I’m willing to bet my Sunglasses of Justice on the thieves being either our growing Pittsburgh Petty Criminals Posse …
… or the elderly.
Those old people will steal ANYTHING that isn’t nailed down. Heck, my grandma used to have a purse full of Sweet ‘n Low and she could have coated three loaves of toast with the various jam packets in there.
I can’t wait to be old so I can steal anything I want and get away with it — just shoving random crap I want into my giant giant purse.
Watch your back, David Conrad.
(h/t Lisa K.)