Since they split ways with Cat Specter of Cat’s Call, the Post-Gazette has found a new advice columnist, Mary Ann Wellener, a sixty-ish real estate agent wife and mother who now writes Steel Advice. Her first question in her first ever column is a winner where winner is of the Charlie Sheen variety and not the Apolo Anton Ohno variety:
I am a personal trainer at a local sports facility. I have two great kids and a wonderful wife and life, but recently I have been the object of many seemingly innocent come-ons from the opposite sex. Apparently, I greatly resemble George Clooney, or so they keep telling me.
I will admit that I do see the similarity in my smile, but basically a recent haircut and my going salt and pepper seem to have triggered this onslaught of willing women.
I know, you might say “So, where’s the problem?” Well, just like many celebrities out there I am having trouble keeping my ego in check. My wife is great, really, but she doesn’t give me the sort of adulation that these other women provide.
You gotta go read the rest to see what advice he is seeking (hint: “HOW DO I STOP BEING SO AWESOME AND SEXY AND SILKY SMOOTH?!!?”) and to read Mary Ann’s advice to him (hint: “I’D LIKE TO BASH YOUR EGOTISTICAL BRAIN IN WITH A 20-POUND DUMBBELL”).
Also, if this was CSI: Pittsburgh, I’d be all, “We’re looking for a male salt and pepper-haired personal trainer, probably in his forties, with a dental hygienist wife and two kids. You’ll know him by his [sunglasses] douchieus maximus.”