The Pirates are reportedly close to a deal to bring Yankee pitcher A.J. Burnett to the team and the news media is acting like we’ll hit the lottery if we snag him. But I’m not so sure yet.
He does have a long list of accomplishments, including pitching a complete game no-hitter, but that was in 2001.
He led the National League in shutouts, but that was in 2002.
He’s pitched in the World Series, broke several records, and once struck out 14 batters in six innings.
But I worry!
He does NOT LIKE TO LOSE. I mean he REALLY hates it, as he said this after losing six in a row.
“We played scared. We managed scared. We coached scared,” he told reporters following the Marlins’ 5–3 loss at Turner Field. “I’m sick of it, man. It’s depressing around here. A 3–0 ballgame, I give up one run and leave guys on base, it’s like they expect us to mess up. And when we do, they chew us out. There is no positive, nothing around here for anybody.”
He was asked to leave the team after that, and did eventually apologize, but STILL.
He likes winning, six losses in a row sent him postal, and he doesn’t like to be in a depressing clubhouse. I’m pretty sure that each August, the Pirates clubhouse is so far gone that not even a truckload of hookers and blow could put a smile on its face.
Hell, I’ve driven the bandwagon through there and we went in partying and hollering and the wenches were drunk and baudy and the gents were singing songs of hope and boobs, and the margaritas were flowing and joy was to be found. We came out the other side with two lame horses, shards of rose-colored glass littering the floor, the wenches wrapped in blankets and weeping, the distraught men contemplating a tuck and roll directly into the mouth of the tunnel monster, and me, the driver, holding a match to a can of gasoline while beating a hasty path to the banks of the Mon.
I’m cool with A.J. being a Pirate, just so long as someone makes real sure he knows what he’s getting himself into here.
Questionable management, major, major suck, and a late-summer clubhouse so depressing Pollyanna would walk out of there suicidal.
BUT THIS IS THE YEAR, YOU GUYS!