This is important.

So Lukey threw out the first pitch of the first scrimmage game of the 2012 season, likely cursing us like we haven’t seen that time Marc Andre Fleury tripped into the ice rink and cursed our run at a Stanley Cup in 2008.

Like we haven’t seen since Jerry Meals said it was safe.

Like we haven’t seen since Sid Bream [crosses self, throws salt, and kicks a black cat].


Adding to Lukey throwing the first pitch is the news that AJ Burnett is out for the next two to three months [vomits violently].

But things are changing. The tides are turning. This stinking, putrid, battle-maimed ship of scurvy and suck is afloat and heading in the vicinity of the right direction, as in if the “right direction” is east, we are heading south south east, which is better than west.

The Pirates and star center fielder Andrew McCutchen agreed to terms on a six-year contract worth $51.5 million with a club option for 2018 worth $14.75 million, according to a source.

The Pittsburgh Pirates actually spent money to keep a good player, our best player, whereas five years ago, they would have sold Andrew to the Yankees for a pack of Cracker Jacks and then re-signed Pedro Alvarez to a 15-year deal. I mean, The Stupid was that abject — like management took turns beating each other with Stupid Sticks while popping Stupid Pills and drinking Greed Juice.

I’m in a weird writing mood. I blame the snow.

ANYWAY, my point, as always … THIS IS THE YEAR!

We pray.



  1. Magus Patris
    March 5, 2012 10:06 am

    Yay! Now I can go out and buy McCutchen shirts for the boys and me! I wonder if they take trade-ins on Bay, Morgan or Sanchez shirts?

    • Aileen
      March 5, 2012 12:34 pm

      Don’t give those up yet – they may still have boomerang potential. When the Bucs picked up McLouth (or found him under the turnpike or whatever they did), my son went running to his closet. Came back all smiles, holding up his Nate McLouth All-Star jersey.

  2. MissChris
    March 5, 2012 10:28 am

    The funniest thing about that post is that you can buy the Lukey photo.

  3. bucdaddy
    March 5, 2012 10:51 am

    Snow? What snow?

    I’ve got $10 says Lukey hit the strip clubs in St. Pete five minutes after this photo was taken.

    • Monty
      March 5, 2012 10:59 am

      Wouldn’t he be wearing soccer or running shorts if he were planning to do that?

    • Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
      March 5, 2012 11:01 am

      I have it on good authority that you’re not that far off. Sadly.

      • MissChris
        March 5, 2012 12:22 pm

        For real…I think its more like 2 minutes. That’s our mayor. We are so proud.

    • Aileen
      March 5, 2012 12:37 pm

      When my husband and I heard he was in Bradenton, we tried to pick which natural disaster the Pittsburgh was going to get walloped with this past weekend – like a tornado.

  4. Julie
    March 5, 2012 12:10 pm

    Hey now! Don’t be kickin’ black cats!! I’ll turn you in for abuse!! ;)

  5. AngryMongo
    March 5, 2012 12:29 pm

    What’s the Vegas line on Cutch sustaining a career ending injury or just plain sucking now that they’ve paid?

  6. Butcher's Dog
    March 5, 2012 12:51 pm

    My, but we’re negative on this fine spring day, aren’t we?

  7. KGC
    March 5, 2012 2:26 pm

    I thought the storyline was that The Boy Mayor was in Bradenton looking for or discussing business for Pittsburgh. /snort

    I’d be willing to bet the City taxpayers are footing a good portion of ‘Lil Lukes Spring Break. And, still they will religiously pull the “D Straight Ticket” lever next election (or, push the “D Straight Ticket” button).

    • Aileen
      March 5, 2012 10:28 pm

      Well, isn’t the city in a zoning battle with one of the local strip clubs that wants to expand? Boy mayor is just doing some first hand research on some Sam’s Club-sized gentlemen’s clubs.

      Oh the glory of throwing out the first pitch of an intra-squad game – to the Parrot. He carries such clout that he doesn’t merit a merit a human catcher during spring training

      • Bram R
        March 5, 2012 11:37 pm

        That’s actually very funny you say that. Manatee County, Florida which includes Bradenton enacted some of the first and the strongest time, place and manner regulations on adult entertainment. I’m hoping that during his business trip he had the opportunity to do some research — by ASKING CIVIC LEADERS, and maybe some ballplayers — whether the adult clubs are still thriving despite the fact that lapdances and closed-door VIP rooms are verbotten!

  8. Magus Patris
    March 5, 2012 2:27 pm

    I just noticed; is he sticking his tongue out? My 5 year old does that when he throws too.

  9. Washpa
    March 5, 2012 2:46 pm

    While I agree that Ravenstahl’s little Buccos shorts ensemble is worthy of note, let’s not forget the good news in this post — the Pirates actually paid their best player what other teams would have paid him. This is a huge step for this franchise.

    • Aileen
      March 5, 2012 10:30 pm

      Yeah, except now Andrew McCutcheon’s new position will formally be known as OF. It’ll be interesting to see if he really can cover from the LF foul line to the RF foul line, but Bob Nutting’s willing to try.

  10. Butcher's Dog
    March 5, 2012 4:03 pm

    In the ‘just noticed’ category, I thought he was a southpaw. Doesn’t he kick a football left-footed? Or am I thinking of another boy mayor?

    • Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
      March 5, 2012 9:43 pm

      He is. I’m a lefty, but play softball right handed bc there were no lefties around to teach me when I first started playing. I play every other sport – basketball, tennis, bowling, golf – left handed. I played IM football in college and punted freshman year and even did that left footed.