Dear Sid,

I have never asked anything of you, unlike my sister Pens Fan who has asked all of the following of you:

  • marriage
  • shirtless pictures
  • goals
  • babydaddyism

But I’m asking you this: Now that you’re cleared for contact, and you could return to the lineup in a “matter of days,” which sounds suspiciously LIKE A TIMETABLE FOR YOUR RETURN, can you please, please, please come back on March 11, because that’s when I’ll be at the game. Granted, Zdeno Chara can concuss people just by looking at them, but still!

If you do come back that game, I will probably not stop screaming from the moment your blade touches the ice until the first intermission, and even then it will just be so I can go and change my tears-of-joy soaked shirt.

I will be the girl in the crowd looking something like this:

My sister Pens Fan will be with me. She’ll look something like this:

Have an ambulance ready for her.




  1. Butcher's Dog
    March 6, 2012 2:24 pm

    Fingers crossed, people. Ten games played in 14 months plus isn’t much of a body of work. I’m thinking the Karma Gods owe us full recovery of all the parts of the machine by the time the playoffs start. Your time frame may vary.

  2. Bethany
    March 6, 2012 2:32 pm

    I was at Sid’s “first” comeback game (which now seems like decades ago), and I’m pretty sure my husband and I looked like that first picture when he scored his first goal. That was epic and unforgettable. Fingers crossed that he comes back when you’ll be there!

  3. Suz
    March 6, 2012 2:44 pm

    Told ya that he’d be fine. Where is that Phillips guys now?

  4. Heather
    March 6, 2012 3:07 pm

    I was in Dollar General today and got the following text: “Pens Alert: Sidney Crosby cleared for contact today. No timetable for return.” And I wanted to yell “DRINK!!”

    But I thought that might get me some strange looks. So I just chuckled to myself…

  5. empirechick
    March 6, 2012 3:36 pm

    Bastard – why couldn’t he come back as soon as tomorrow when I’LL be there?!?!

    (I’m kidding, of course – I love Sid and don’t care how long it takes him to come back, as long as he’s healthy.)

  6. Cassie
    March 6, 2012 3:39 pm

    Am I the only one that’s a little nervous about him coming back so soon? I want to keep him wrapped in bubble wrap just a little bit longer…

  7. Pensgirl
    March 6, 2012 4:14 pm

    You know that scene in Speed where Keanu Reeves accidentally stabs the gas tank and then Sandra Bullock says “What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?” That’s how I feel about Sid’s comeback games being against teams like the Islanders and (probably) Bruins. I get that no team will go easy on you, but do you HAVE to open against the ones we’ve had “discipline” problems with in recent years?

    But this being Sid, the Lord of OCD, I bet he would find something symmetrical and fitting about re-returning (in the non-Barney Stinson sense) against the very team that knocked him back out in the first place. If he is cleared to play he totally will come back on Sunday.

    • Washpa
      March 6, 2012 5:00 pm

      I’m glad to hear you say that, Pensgirl. I just got tickets to the Sunday game.

      • Pensgirl
        March 6, 2012 5:36 pm

        Personally, I don’t think that is enough time to really test how he responds to contact, but obviously I’m not responsible for clearing him.

        I remember having those same feelings of hope back when he was close to returning from the high ankle sprain and I had tickets for an upcoming game – he in fact did get back in time for my game, and helped us win it, but then missed a bunch more after that because it had been too soon. It’s hard not to want your game to be the comeback game even if it does feel like it’s too soon.

        No matter what the date is, I just hope it’s the last time we have cause to be discussing a Crosby comeback. That’s the one part of Mario’s playing legacy none of us wanted him (or Geno or anyone) to carry on.

  8. Christina
    March 7, 2012 6:28 am

    Can we have somebody with a Yedi Sword skating right next to him killing everybody coming closer than an arm length? Wouldn’t that be a good job for Paul Martin? Finally something everybody would really appreciate.

  9. Butcher's Dog
    March 7, 2012 8:09 am

    It’s hockey, so he’s going to get hit. None of the NHL teams I’ve ever seen play in skirts (no sexism implied or intended), so regardless of the logo on the opposing sweater he’s going to get hit. From everything they’ve been saying about concussion and recovery, there’s no “healthy/healthier/healthiest” scale. You’re either recovered or you’re not. The ankle muscles can get stronger beyond “functional”, but that doesn’t seem to apply here. Might as well get back in the pool and start swimming when he’s ready.

    Also, we’d all better be ready for some adjustment time with the team. In the end they should be stronger, but in the interim we’re taking a group that’s basically hitting on all cylinders and throwing in a big change. Don’t expect to win the rest of the games for the year, folks. Sid may be uber-human, but he’s still human. So are the rest of them. Be reasonable in the expectations, please.

    • empirechick
      March 7, 2012 10:10 am

      As long as we make the playoffs, everything (and hopefully everyone, inlcuding Letang and Crosby) should be firing on all cylinders by then.

  10. bucdaddy
    March 7, 2012 11:08 am

    Geez, it’s like being trapped in a Bath & Body Works around here …

    That said, I’ve long wondered why a team that stood a very good chance of making the playoffs anyway (and that’s, what, half the teams in the NHL, so the bar isn’t set very high) and had a fragile superstar wouldn’t just let him sit out the first 60 or so games, play the remaining 20 or so to get back in shape and get reacquainted with the rest of the players, and then go into the playoffs relatively fresh and unscathed. Sid, for the rest of his career, would seem to be a candidate for just such a role. I mean, really, what’s the point of using him against (insert name of woefully dogass team HERE) in December? Unless the REAL aim of the team isn’t to win as many championships as possible but to sell as many tickets as possible.

    • Butcher's Dog
      March 7, 2012 12:17 pm

      Trapped in a Bath & Body Works?!? As Ricky Ricardo used to say, ” ‘Splain yourself, Lucy!”

      Taking the “sell as many tickets as possible” cynicism to its logical conclusion, why not just shorten all the seasons to 20 games and then get on with the playoffs? Except NFL, of course; maybe they could just play 6 or 7. No sports season is a one-act play. You get the full five-act Shakespearean drama each year, and I believe at least part of the charm is that not everyone is built for the five-act drama.

      Not to mention that selling as many tickets as possible generates as much tax revenue as possible, making it possible to convince taxpayers to fund stadiums and other venues. Possibly.

      • bucdaddy
        March 8, 2012 12:21 am

        You ever walk past a B&BW? It reeks of teenage girl, such as those in the photos above. Seriously, I pity people who work there and have to go home smelling like that. The smoking ban in bars etc. in my county goes into effect Friday, but I think the Health dept. would do a lot more good banning B&BW from smelling like that. It makes me retch.

        No no no. Regular seasons AND playoffs will only get longer and longer, because the way leagues milk money from suckers isn’t necessarily by selling more tickets, though they certainly do that, but by selling more content to sports TV networks, who have a bottomless maw of airtime and all the money in the world to spend to fill it. It’s exactly why there are, what, 38 bowl games? It’s why, while the NCAAs are the only basketball tourneys anyone pays attention to, there are actually FOUR men’s tournaments and three for the ladies. It’s why baseball just added two more wild card teams. Oh, they SAY it’s to make winning the divisions more important, but they only lie when their mouths are open. It’s to milk more money from TV.

        Any time anybody tells you anything that adds games is for anything other than the money, you are welcome to describe said person as a lying liar who lies.

  11. Ian
    March 7, 2012 12:19 pm

    I’m with you. I’ll be at Sunday’s game as well!

  12. empirechick
    March 7, 2012 12:21 pm

    Speaking of Penguins, thank goodness Lukey is front and center at the Mario statue unveiling. I wonder if he knows his bald spot is showing?

    • empirechick
      March 7, 2012 12:28 pm

      Also, I like how everyone keeps thanking him for coming – as though he’d miss a chance to hobnob with Ron Burkle and Gary Bettman.

  13. lmax
    March 7, 2012 3:39 pm


    (I would also welcome the Sunday comeback, as I will be there as well)