Oh, Monday. You evil evil bastard.
I get it, Garfield. I get it. Like, “Give me some lasagna and my bed and leave me alone until Tuesday when I know it’ll be safe.” I think even God can appreciate the evilness of Mondays. Bad shit happens on Monday. He’s probably all, “Why DID I create Monday?”
I’m being silly, of course. Dear Dad, please don’t email me a long scriptural exegesis on the fact that God didn’t REALLY create Monday.
Will it make you feel better if I blame Satan? That jerkwad.
So today was Monday, and like an idiot I scheduled a C/T scan and carotid ultrasound and vascular surgeon appointments for today. This here Monday. Excuse me while I flip this Monday off.
So, almost a year ago a noise began in my left ear. I was diagnosed with water behind the ear. Then I went to see an ENT who said there was no water behind my ear. Then I landed in the ER at AGH where I was practically immobilized from the noise in my head. After ten house, an ER resident on a whim decided to throw me in the C/T machine to see if I was having an aneurysm or some other “catastrophic event.” Internet, do you know how odd it is to pray for a “catastrophic event” when it comes to your personal health? But I was. I prayed that they would find something because then I would know what I was dealing with.
I’ve told you how I rejoiced to learn I had a carotid tear causing 65% blockage in my left artery. THAT must be what was causing the noise. Fast forward to three months past that when I learned I had TWO torn carotid arteries, the one that was blocked 65% was almost clear, and the other was currently blocked 50%, meaning it was probably blocked, well, I don’t even want to guess how close it was to completely blocked that day I was in the ER.
Fast forward to today when I was told that my arteries have almost completely healed. They show no signs of plaque or narrowing or anything. Nothing at all that would cause a noise in my head. I am off the Plavix. They will see me in a year to be certain I have healed 100%.
So here is where my dilemma was. As I sat in that exam room with my surgeon telling me he hopes the noise goes away soon — do I cry because I am back to square one with a noise in my head and no clue what’s causing it, or do I, a child of the church, rejoice because I’ve clearly been on the receiving end of a miracle?
Follow me. Had the noise in my head never occurred, I would probably be dead right now, or a vegetative shell of the person I once was prior to the massive stroke that resulted from two undiagnosed carotid tears and subsequent clotting. But the noise waited 37 years to come and it came at or around the same time my arteries tore. This explains why the noise isn’t able to be paired with any life event that would explain the tears. Because it seems the noise isn’t from the tears. It’s from something else. It just put me in the ER at the right time with the right doctor who got fed up enough to just try One More Thing.
So I cried. Then I rejoiced. Then I cried. Then I rejoiced. Then I cried.
I am woman, hear me fluctuate.
I’m thankful I didn’t have a stroke. I’m thankful I don’t have worse health problems, like cancer. I’m thankful it’s me and not my kids going through this because how do you comfort a kid who just wants to rip his ears off? Can’t express to you enough what sick kids do to me. If it was my own sick kid, God help the Universe because it’s on like Donkey Kong.
I don’t know. I don’t know what you believe. Maybe you believe it was a stunning stunning STUNNING coincidence. Maybe it was.
But I think you know where I stand on such matters.To each his own, Internet.
All this to say, back to Square One! As the annoying tourist dude said in Speed, “I already seen this place.”
But I’ll rejoice here and take it one day at a time.
Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts and prayers! They do mean much to me. Back to regular posting tomorrow and then from Wednesday to next Wednesday you will be on the receiving end of some amazing guest posts while I take a little vacation from Square One.