1. My vacation is a REAL vacation, meaning I’ll be sunning myself somewhere sandy. It’s not one of those staycations in light of the fact that I don’t believe in staycations.
It’s against my sun-worship religion.
2. Hines Ward did the best thing — the right thing, and retired a Steeler. It didn’t matter where he went, I couldn’t see him having any sort of contributory career with another team. Think Franco Harris. Only failier.
Good on ya, Hines! It’s always better to retire in the black and gold, than to retire and try to claim you’re still black and gold despite wearing red and gold for the last 16 games of your career.
3. The new Christian Bale movie has put out a casting call, so if you missed out on starring with Batman last summer, you can star with Batman THIS SPRING because Batman [fingerhearts] Pittsburgh.
So what do you need to be?
- A tattoo artist.
- An African-American baby.
EFFERS. I’m neither of those. When is the casting call for big-haired Arab deafies?! Because I got that shit in the bag.
4. So the Jane Orie retrial is underway. YAY!
In her first trial, she claimed a certain campaign office did not exist. It was then discovered that IT DID EXIST. So in this trial Jane Orie is claiming she DOES NOT RECALL it ever existing.
Also note that Jane Orie claims she did not have any part in forging documents, but that in her first trial she insisted she wrote to Jamie Pavlot several handwritten notes, i.e. the forged notes in question. She even had her attorney mock Jamie about never having seen the notes. So what she’s saying, in this trial, is she indeed wrote several notes that a Secret Service agent testified were added years after the documents were written, but that she didn’t FORGE them. Or something.
The reason that makes no sense is because lies rarely make sense.
I have a sick gut feeling that Jane Orie is going to get off free on these charges and that is putrid.
Also, one of her character witnesses was Cyril Wecht. What? He doesn’t have it in for Zappala. Not at all! LOOK! PIG! FLYING! To hell! Where it’s frozen!
5. The Pioneer Woman, who my sister Tina Fey hates with fire of a jillion exploding Death Stars, has a nice post up about the Primanti’s sandwich.
This will not sway Tina Fey’s Death Star hate.
6. One of the things I talked about in my interview with 90.5 was Pittsburgh’s poor air quality. Good news. It’s getting better!
My mom, the asthmatic, will be thrilled.
7. Headline: “Twins, 10. Pirates, 0.”
Me: “LALALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
Oh, yeah. I got me my hairs cut!
9. And if you want to make me happy while I’m away, why not make some SICK KIDS happy by purchasing some games for Make Room for Kids via the Wish List on Amazon!
10. Bob Nutting did a good thing for Baldwin High School. He’s clearly trying to buy our affections with good deeds.
11. Tomorrow begins seven days of guest posts, the first from my sister Tina Fey.
It’s a winner, chicken dinner.