Pre-vacation Random n’at

1. My vacation is a REAL vacation, meaning I’ll be sunning myself somewhere sandy. It’s not one of those staycations in light of the fact that I don’t believe in staycations.

It’s against my sun-worship religion.

2. Hines Ward did the best thing — the right thing, and retired a Steeler. It didn’t matter where he went, I couldn’t see him having any sort of contributory career with another team. Think Franco Harris. Only failier.

Good on ya, Hines! It’s always better to retire in the black and gold, than to retire and try to claim you’re still black and gold despite wearing red and gold for the last 16 games of your career.

3. The new Christian Bale movie has put out a casting call, so if you missed out on starring with Batman last summer, you can star with Batman THIS SPRING because Batman [fingerhearts] Pittsburgh.

So what do you need to be?

  • A tattoo artist.
  • An African-American baby.

EFFERS. I’m neither of those. When is the casting call for big-haired Arab deafies?! Because I got that shit in the bag.

4. So the Jane Orie retrial is underway. YAY!

In her first trial, she claimed a certain campaign office did not exist. It was then discovered that IT DID EXIST. So in this trial Jane Orie is claiming she DOES NOT RECALL it ever existing.

Brilliant!

Also note that Jane Orie claims she did not have any part in forging documents, but that in her first trial she insisted she wrote to Jamie Pavlot several handwritten notes, i.e. the forged notes in question. She even had her attorney mock Jamie about never having seen the notes. So what she’s saying, in this trial, is she indeed wrote several notes that a Secret Service agent testified were added years after the documents were written, but that she didn’t FORGE them. Or something.

The reason that makes no sense is because lies rarely make sense.

I have a sick gut feeling that Jane Orie is going to get off free on these charges and that is putrid.

Also, one of her character witnesses was Cyril Wecht. What? He doesn’t have it in for Zappala. Not at all! LOOK! PIG! FLYING! To hell! Where it’s frozen!

5. The Pioneer Woman, who my sister Tina Fey hates with fire of a jillion exploding Death Stars, has a nice post up about the Primanti’s sandwich.

This will not sway Tina Fey’s Death Star hate.

6. One of the things I talked about in my interview with 90.5 was Pittsburgh’s poor air quality. Good news. It’s getting better!

My mom, the asthmatic, will be thrilled.

7. Headline: “Twins, 10. Pirates, 0.”

Me: “LALALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

8. Don’t forget to get your Jagoffs Make me Stabby and I Brake for Tunnels shirts from Fresh Factory! I got mine and they are RIDICULOUSLY soft and perfect. Here is my boobage in the tunnel one:

Oh, yeah. I got me my hairs cut!

9. And if you want to make me happy while I’m away, why not make some SICK KIDS happy by purchasing some games for Make Room for Kids via the Wish List on Amazon!

10. Bob Nutting did a good thing for Baldwin High School. He’s clearly trying to buy our affections with good deeds.

11. Tomorrow begins seven days of guest posts, the first from my sister Tina Fey.

It’s a winner, chicken dinner.





16 Comments

  1. bluzdude
    March 20, 2012 6:43 pm

    You know, I could decide on the shirt much better if you would provide a side-view!

    (Have fun on Vacay!)



  2. Noelle
    March 20, 2012 6:52 pm

    Could I be a guest poster in the near future? I have a stunning one already drafted about wearing attire that is only appropriate after Memorial Day, before Memorial Day. It’s titled, “The rules have not changed, no matter what you want to believe or who has told you differently.” Seriously, call me.



  3. Monty
    March 20, 2012 7:28 pm

    “Big-haired Arab deafies” > every other self-deprecating comment you’ve made to date



    • Aileen
      March 21, 2012 9:29 am

      You know, that’s how dumb I am. I had no idea what that meant until you just explained that Ginny was referring to herself.



  4. mamabear
    March 20, 2012 8:12 pm

    Enjoy the vacay. I cannot wait to read Sister Fey.



  5. Trish
    March 20, 2012 9:30 pm

    I join Sister Tina Fey in her white-hot hatred of Oklahoma Oprah Ree Drummond.



  6. Old North Sider
    March 20, 2012 9:50 pm

    At first I was pretty amazed by the Pioneer Woman and her brand. Now, I am in Tina Fey’s camp. She’s a dumb ass — calling me a Pittsburghian — I am a Primanti-eating Pittsburgher! Not to mention carrying a Primanti Sandwich into the Fairmont while her kids & the rugged Marlboro man ordered room service! Kids ordering room service — wonder what Pittsburgh Dad would have to say about that!



    • Tina Fey
      March 21, 2012 9:26 am

      Whether or not you want to be, you are my new best friend.



    • J
      March 21, 2012 1:09 pm

      Not only that – she took it APART to eat, and then DIDN’T EAT IT ALL?!?!?! What? I don’t understand…



  7. Butcher's Dog
    March 20, 2012 9:56 pm

    If Tina Fey is breaking the ice for the week-long round of guest bloggers, she damn well better BRING IT! Because she has some big shoes to fill.

    And Tina….it’ll help if your t-shirt pics are side views a la bluzdude’s request for Ginny. Just sayin’.



  8. bucdaddy
    March 21, 2012 1:53 am

    I Brake for Boobies



  9. Dr Kevlar
    March 21, 2012 6:06 am

    Ahh, yes, The Orie Sisters! What a wonderful group they are! For some time after her arrest on the initial charges, I had one of the photos taken of Senator Jane as my background on my work PC. It was a great shot of her with her fangs bared and her hand making a clawing motion. Someone asked me who that was. My response: “Looks a bit like Bride of Chuckie, doesn’t she?”

    I am hoping that the jury will see the truth, but one never knows. I still cannot figure out how the benefactoress of much of the activity, the delightful Joan Orie Melvin, has avoided being charged with anything.

    Someday if you need a guest post I can write up the charming phone call I received from Senator Jane shortly (and I mean within an hour) after sending an email to her via her State Senator Official Webpage. Charming woman.



  10. Scott
    March 21, 2012 10:07 am

    Nice rack, Ginny…for realz.



  11. PA Girl in VA
    March 21, 2012 4:02 pm

    Everytime we come to Pittsburgh, we have to pack our son’s inhaler and nebulizer because, without fail, he has anything from asthma symptoms up to a full-blown asthma attack. Every. Single. Time. Last Thanksgiving he ended up in Children’s thanks to Pittsburgh’s poor air quality. I can only hope it gets better. Much better.



  12. Niki
    March 22, 2012 2:40 pm

    Update on extras casting call for the Furnace movie startting **Batman** from the Pittsburgh Film Office- You can now apply to be an extra even if you’re not a tattoo artist or African-American baby! Go to a Braddock casting call on either March 29th or March 31st 11 a.m.-4 p.m.
    Details on Pgh film office website: http://ht.ly/9OTsd