Random n’at – Woy Edition

Oh, hello there! I’m Woy – Ginny’s butler and caretaker of all things technical here on That’s Church.

In the spirit of her blog, and also because I tried a couple versions of different posts and they all sucked, I’ve decided to do a Random n’ At – Woy edition.

1. Long before I was Ginny’s digital butler and shepherded her through the wilderness of being anonymous, I was a bit of a dork. (WAS? There. I did that for you.) Quite a bit of a dork, actually. Maybe that’s why Gin and I hit it off so easily – kindred dork spirits. Dorkrits? Yeah, sure. That works.

Since she’s published so many photos of herself during those years, all celebrating those awkward years and for a good cause, I felt like I should share one of my own.

Behold – exhibit A:

I mean, look at this f-ing kid. Let’s start with the jacket. THE JACKET. My mother (God rest her soul) must have located the Legendary Lost Closet of Polyester. Or found some unwitting drapes to carve up into something resembling a blazer. Combined with the turtleneck, someone could easily design a Leisure Suit Larry – Toddler Edition game around me.

Oh, man. The haircut. First, let me just say I wish my hair was that same Village of the Damned color. There’s now less of it and a different color. All I can think of when I see my haircut is Prince Valium from Spaceballs.

Granted, I’m no Jim J. Bullock. Who is though, really?

Let’s not forget about the smile. Am I slightly amused at the photographer or am I thinking about how I’m going to cut somebody? Knock over a casino? Or get back to playing with my digital calculator. Yeah, that was among my favorite toys when I was a kid.

DORK.

2. I have a couple stories that I can share related to Ginny that would make good blog material. One quick anecdote relates to the early days during one of our clandestine lunch meetings in her anonymous days. At this point, almost two years after working with her, I still didn’t know her last name.

We would meet about three or four times a year, usually at Six Penn. On my way to one of those meetings in the summer, I was driving down Penn when I saw my wife and some of her coworkers. I slowed down, rolled down the window, and said hi. Probably five or ten seconds of quick “Hi!” and “how are you?”.

After pulling away, one of her coworkers turned to her and said, “So what’s Mike doing downtown?”

She said, matter of factly, “He’s having lunch with a woman I’ve never met and whose real name we don’t know.”

It was at that point Ginny and I kind of decided that would be a good idea to get us and our significant others together for dinner. We’ve all been friends ever since.

3. This season, I’m joining Ginny as her co-pilot on the Pirates bandwagon. For those that may know me and my sports tastes, this is a pretty significant development. I’ve made no secret that I have believed this franchise to be incredibly inept and mockworthy.

(PUT ON HYPOCRITE HAT) But… the summer is long, I enjoy sports, and there’s a hell of a long gap between playoff hockey and opening day of the NFL season. I think those sons of bitches gave me just enough hope last season the full weight and power of my fandom in hopes they will clear that .500 bar.

Besides, Ginny is serving margaritas… let it be known I CAN be bought. I’ll be the sauced guy betting on the outcome of individual at-bats in the upper sections.

4. Jane Orie, everyone’s favorite barbie doll that got left too close to the radiator, saw her trial go to jury today. I wonder if they let you wear trenchcoats in the clink?

5. I like to share links on Twitter that I find amusing, ridiculous, or just plain wrong. If you want some cotton candy for your brain every so often, feel free to follow me on Twitter.

Here’s one that is just all kinds of wrong: tweet something as someone else. Or at least look like you did. (http://lemmetweetthatforyou.com/)

Who’s up for having some fun with @janepitt?





35 Comments

  1. burghbaby
    March 22, 2012 11:05 pm

    What do you mean Woy has suddenly started tweeting that he loves Justin Bieber every day? I have no idea how that would happen…it must be true!



  2. Brett
    March 23, 2012 3:56 am

    Besides being a big dork or nerd (you pick the term most apt), I enjoyed this post because someone actually knows Spaceballs! I’ve recently turned my 6 year old Son onto it and he has driven his Mother mad with it (I personally don’t mind as I like the movie).

    On a technical note, is it possible to enforce your hyperlinks to open a new tab or window, as I like to keep this blog open and not have to hit my back button :D Yes I know lazy as I could just hold down ‘control’ whilst clicking and it’d ask me to do just that :)



  3. Dr Kevlar
    March 23, 2012 7:26 am

    One of the benefits of living in a district represented by State Senator Barbie Jane Orie Herself is that I receive her newsletters and mailings (which are voluminous at election time). In fact, I once received a letter from her that was sent to all of her constituents that described the Zappala family (Family??) as being engaged in “nefarious” activities at the behest of the Gaming Industry.

    Now, the best part of the mailings are the pictures of the Senator wearing her various themed-just hangin’ with the constituents outfits. My fav is her boot scootin’ down home denim number adorned with red, white and blue scarves, pins and no doubt nails that she wears to assorted senior citizen square dance events. She looks awesome. It makes you wonder how such a fine woman could have avoided marriage all these years but then again, I imagine that courtship with State Senator Barbie Jane Orie Herself bears a close resemblence to the Klingon Mating Ritual…



    • Frantastic
      March 23, 2012 8:34 am

      I would love to see those pictures! I have a thing for publicity shots of politicians and CEO’s trying to hang with us lowers. They are so out of their element and often sweat a lot.



      • Dr Kevlar
        March 23, 2012 12:22 pm

        I had saved some of them, as one can never have enough pictures of State Senator Barbie Jan Orie Herself. I am especially keen on the ones where she is speaking out about crime and crminals and the need for punishment. Lots and lots of punishment. You can almost see the beead of sweat forming on her upper lip as she starts thinking of all the ways people can be punsihed for their nefarious activities.

        I am willing to bet the next mortgage payment that she has a whole wall in her Rumpus Room devoted to the Zappala’s and the assorted and sundry “punishments” that she wishes to oversee….



        • Dr Kevlar
          March 24, 2012 10:25 am

          I apologize for my inability to spell in the above post. it is just that State Senator Barbie Jane Orie is just so dreamy, I get distracted…



    • Woy
      March 23, 2012 10:22 am

      Is she Lursa or B’Etor?



    • Butcher's Dog
      March 23, 2012 11:53 am

      Klingon Mating Ritual would make an awesome band name. We’re on a roll here, folks.

      When someone films When Dorks Ruled the Earth, Woy’s picture will probably be on the movie poster. Just sayin’.



  4. Julie
    March 23, 2012 9:34 am

    I think when Gin gets back that she should devote a whole blog post to the various facial expressions of Ms. Orie. They are epic!



    • Dr Kevlar
      March 23, 2012 12:18 pm

      My favorite is still the pic taken by a Trib photog – she looks like a cross between bride of Chuckie and an enraged woodchuck.



    • Dr Kevlar
      March 25, 2012 1:20 pm

      There is a great picture in today’s P-G of State Senator Barbie Jane Orie with her special “Dagger-Dart Look for the Nefarious Zappala Family” but alas, I am a techno-dolt and unable to copy it in here.

      Woy, my Good Sir, would you be able to make this happen? It would bring so much joy to so many and I believe Ginny could print it and use it to kill pigeons as it appears the look on her face could easily kill airborne creatures. Post a few in Market Square and et voila! No more flying rats!



  5. hello haha narf
    March 23, 2012 9:39 am

    how cute was little woy!??!??!!!! love that you shared that.
    although even more i love that your wife is so fucking awesome. great story about her being all trusting and loving.



    • Woy
      March 23, 2012 10:42 am

      Hah – thanks!

      She was cool with it and thought it was pretty funny. We got a good laugh out of it!



  6. PA Girl in VA
    March 23, 2012 10:03 am

    OK, I had to stop at the Prince Valium reference and just say: freakin’ brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  7. spoon
    March 23, 2012 10:45 am

    I can’t even say anything about that jacket. I know my mom has one of me in something similar somewhere. There we go, “embarrassing kid pics of That’s Church commenters.”

    Will you be purchasing a Buccos ball cap also or is that moving too fast?



  8. KimLy
    March 23, 2012 12:38 pm

    I would like to formally petition for the revival of “Have a Good Sandwich” in order that we may be treated to more regular photos of Young Woy.
    Who’s with me?



  9. Suburban Nor'Side Girl
    March 23, 2012 3:36 pm

    My caption for the pic of your younger nerdy self: “How YOU doin’?”



  10. Jonathan
    March 23, 2012 3:43 pm

    I guess it’s just me, but I really don’t see anything wrong with that jacket. Did it help you sell many used cars?



  11. Tina Fey
    March 23, 2012 6:31 pm

    Good Lord, that picture is awesome.



  12. Jaime
    March 23, 2012 8:29 pm

    Is it me or does it look like he has some dried milk from his Cheerios on the corner of his mouth?



  13. Ginny's Dad
    March 24, 2012 7:56 am

    I had a similar sport coat (except it was variations of blue) that I wore in the 70′s and I was an adult with children. I’m surprised my wife let me walk out of the house with it on. Hopefully Ginny won’t dig out some of those old pictures of me and post them on her blog. My wife would be embarrassed.



    • Dr Kevlar
      March 24, 2012 10:05 am

      I think that those sport jackets were part of the “Mike Brady Collection” from JC Penny’s. I personally had a pretty snappy number that had a really small red and white check pattern that I proudly wore for my six steps beyond hideous high school photo.

      Of course at the time I was doing a lot of my clothes shopping at Silvermann’s in Allegheny Center Mall. Not sure if the jacket came from there, might have been Gimbel’s…



      • bucdaddy
        March 24, 2012 11:11 am

        Oy! This number I wore to a high school autumn dance. I’m pretty sure I’ve since destroyed all the photos, but to just to give you some idea, maroon was the dominant color, and yes, that means there were other colors in the jacket.

        OTOH, it was $5 on a sale rack.

        In both instances, keep in mind this was the ’70s.



        • Dr Kevlar
          March 24, 2012 11:19 am

          The problem being minimum wage was $1.65/hour and it took nearly 4 agonizing hours to save up for it…



  14. Trish
    March 24, 2012 10:46 pm

    There are many of us that, when confronted with childhood pictures, can only say “don’t blame me, it was the seventies.”



    • Butcher's Dog
      March 25, 2012 11:07 am

      Yeah, and some of us can say, “Don’t blame me; it was the fifties.” Or early sixties, depending on how far into adolescence we were.



    • Noelle
      March 25, 2012 1:48 pm

      Or “don’t blame me if my parents lost all their taste in the 70s.” My brother, a little boy in the 1960s, they, of course, dressed like a Kennedy.



  15. Justine
    March 28, 2012 1:20 pm

    Oh Woy, I think Pete Campbell wore your younger self’s jacket to a party on Sunday’s premiere of Mad Men! So think of yourself as a trendy hipster, not a dork!