The hockey shit hit the hockey fan.

Do you guys ever wonder how much hate we would have for Sidney Crosby if he played for any other team in the NHL? I wonder that sometimes. I can’t fathom not loving him, so it’s hard for me to imagine hating him. But do you think we would be Sid-haters like everyone else if he wore, say, a Red Wings sweater?

Or would we grudgingly respect him?

If Mike Milbury, NBC’s hockey analyst, is any indicator, we would hate Sidney Crosby with scorching, burning hellfire. So much hellfire that we would risk our jobs just to get the chance to vent our spleens (no clue what that means) to say that which has been burning our brains and our tongues for so long, begging to be let out.

We would go on the air in Philadelphia and we would say atrocious things like this:

“Little goody two shoes (Crosby) goes into the corner and gives a shot to Schenn. Schenn was late to the party, he should have turned around and drilled him right away, but I guess better late than never. So you know, Crosby gets cross-checked, big whoop. He said after he came back from his 35th concussion, ‘I’m not going to do this anymore, I’m not going to get into this scrums, I’m going to stay away from that stuff.’ He couldn’t help himself because there’s a little punk in Crosby. He’s not the perfect gentleman. He’s not the sweet kid you see in interviews with his hat pulled down over his eyes.”

Question? Does anyone have anything bad to say about Sid OFF of the ice? Because all indications are that he IS a perfect gentleman and IS the sweet kid with his hat pulled down over his eyes. It seems to me that Mike Milbury is having trouble separating Sid the hockey player from Sid the human being.

I used to have that problem with Marian Hossa and then I tore his voodoo doll asunder at the crotch and everything was right in the world again.

So Milbury hates Sid. Fine. We Pens fans eat up that hate. We have it for lunch and dinner and twice for breakfast the next morning. Sid sucks. Sure. Whatever. Enjoy your hate like I enjoy my hate for the Flyers. Chew it good so it doesn’t choke you.

But there’s this:

I say screw him, hit him.

Oh boy. Now he have an NHL analyst going on the radio, making light of career-threatening concussions, and encouraging hits on a post-concussion recuperating player.

That’s putting the ass in classy. Can you imagine Cris Collinsworth doing an interview and being so stupid as to just lay into Ben or Troysus like that? Calling them punks and goody-two-shoes and encouraging other players to hit them hard upon their returns from concussions? I don’t like Cris Collinsworth, but I will admit that the man is not THAT stupid.

And don’t even get me started on Milbury’s ridiculous sexist caveman call for Bylsma to “take his skirt off” and get up and fight Laviolette. The reason Bylsma didn’t fight with his fists is because he’s an adult and he knows better, and the reason he didn’t take his skirt off is because … YOUR MOM, MIKE.

I don’t know. I couldn’t think of a snappy comeback, and YOUR MOM always works. Try it sometime.

“You’re ugly.”

“YOUR MOM.”

See?

Milbury has since issued an apology, which, fine. You’re sorry you were so stupid as to say the things you did, but let’s not kid ourselves that you don’t really feel all of those things you said because you can’t put the Nutella back in the jar after you’ve hoovered the whole thing. And here’s another problem … you’re supposed to be an impartial hockey analyst. How the hell are you ever going to be able to work another Penguins game without every single thing you say being turned this way and that way, examined closely to see if there’s a bias lurking behind the words? You’ve already showed us your cards, Mike, and you’ve got a four-of-a-kind of bias.

Which again, it’s fine. I think the Pens fans get used to the subtle and not-so-subtle bias by some analysts, but this is the first time one has gone on the radio for such a blatant airing of grievances.

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