I care too much.

If you saw any of my tweets on Saturday night, you realize how absolutely positively overboardly batshit I am about Pirates ball this season. It appears this affliction of mine is getting worse with each losing season.

Here are just a few of my tweets from the SECOND game of the season:

I’m excited for Buccos of Suckitude baseball tonight! YOU shut up! #yougottabelieve

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 7, 2012

Dear Buccos, all the Pittsburgh ladies will show their bewbs for a run. NOW COME ON! #boobsforruns

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

That’s a run! Get yer bewbs out, girls! #buccos

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

Tying run on third. Tying run on third. McCutchen at bat. GOD HELP ME.

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

This game is going to make me puke. And it’s only the second game of the season. Ugh. #buccos

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

Running around my living room. No one here to high-five. Dog is scared shitless. jdflkjadfjdflasdjflaskdfj;sdjf #buccos

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

I have so much adrenaline I could kill a dinosaur with my bare hands right now. BLLLLLLLLLL. #buccos

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

OMG OMG OMG OMOMG dkfjAOWIEFJAW;LKFJALFJ

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

Five hundred ball, bitches. #buccos

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

My behavior tonight has really shown me that there is no way I could emotionally handle the Buccos making the playoffs EVER. I will die.

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) April 8, 2012

 

And I mean that. There is no way I can handle the Buccos ever playing October ball, so it’s probably better if they just keep losing until I’m ready to depart the Earth.

I can’t explain to you how sick I was to my stomach those last few innings. I don’t know if it’s because we were playing Philly, which, PATOOIE, or if I was just terrified the Buccos would start their season with six losses. All I know is that when pinch-running Fort McKenry, my fake baseball boyfriend, touched home plate and then Alex Presley beat the tag at first, I was jumping around my living room like it was my own personal World Series celebration. My couch was jumped on, Tom Cruise.

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