Yes, it was announced yesterday that Kennywood is seeking approval for a beer garden and after initially not being sure how I felt about it, I have since decided I’m against it for reasons I’ll expand on more in my June column for Pittsburgh Magazine, but in a nutshell:
1. Just because Disney does it, doesn’t mean Kennywood has to. Kennywood is supposed to be an old-fashioned traditional park, different from other parks. And as Gina pointed out on Twitter, Disney is HUGE, but Kennywood is much more compact.
2. Of course Kennywood isn’t really doing this because they want to better serve their customers. The true reason is of course for money. Alcohol sales = MONEY and PROFIT. Which is fine. I just don’t know if it’s really worth it.
3. I don’t trust all the yinzers to not get drunk and return to the general park area. I have a hard enough time keeping my kids sheltered from the loud and horribly profane drunks at Pens, Pirates and Steelers games. I don’t want to have to do it at Kennywood too.I liked it being a place where that issue was off the table.
4. It’s one thing to smell Potato Patch vomit after the Cosmic Chaos comes to a halt, but God help me the first time I have to smell beer-flavored Potato Patch vomit.
5. If you thought Kennywood PDA was out of control, wait until those groping liplockers get three or four beers in them. HOT SEX.
6. I repeat, BEER-FLAVORED VOMIT. When is it ever a good idea to drink beer, stand in line in the sweltering heat for an hour and then get on a ride that will spin you until your eyeballs roll back in your head and your belly decides to give up the goods? NEVER A GOOD IDEA.
I don’t know. I don’t mean to be a pilgrim and my June column will actually talk about all the things that beer DOES make better, but in this case, I’m against beer at Kennywood.
What do you guys think?