Once I tell you, you can’t unknow.

From the Phoenix New Times:

Love that headline. It’s all, “So THIS happened. WTF?”

For those of you who lost track of the Buccos during this recent West coast stand and the hoopla surrounding the Pens, I shall inform you that the Pirates have clawed their way back to third place and two games away from .500 ball. Not only that, Andrew McCutchen is batting .400 so far this season.

This is the year!

I feel that as strongly as I feel that the Penguins will take this series from the Flyers. Mark my words. Unless I’m wrong. Then I’ll delete those words like they never happened.

[Jedi mind trick handwave]

Now, let’s turn our attention to one Mr. Pedro Alvarez.

[Jedi mind trick handwave]

Kidding, but kinda not. Pedro has two hits all season and both of them have been home runs. Not a single to be found. Not a double. Not a bunt. Not a thing.

His batting average right now? Ready?

Are you sure?

Are you sitting down?

Do you have some tequila there you want to shoot first?

Okay.

He is batting at point –

Are you sure? Okay.

Point zero –

ABSOLUTELY SURE?! YOU ARE ABOUT TO CROSS THE RUBICON, PEOPLE.

Okay.

Point zero seven four.

.074!

That is not his blood alcohol level; that is the man’s batting average! Prior to his hit in our last game, he was down to .042.

I don’t know whether to fall down laughing or get in the shower and scream-cry.

Look, if all it takes to make it in the majors is to get paid $700,000 a year to hit a ball 7% of the time one is thrown at me, I’m pretty sure I can do it, Bob Nutting.

Charlie Morton could do it.

Casey Hampton could do it.

My son could do it.

STEVIE WONDER COULD DO IT.

This is the year.





9 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    April 20, 2012 11:39 am

    Well, no, it’s probably not.

    But Pedro IS on course to hit 26 homers, and ONLY 26 homers.

    And you’re cute.



    • bucdaddy
      April 20, 2012 12:00 pm

      Where I was going with that: If you told everybody before the season that Pedro would hit 26 homers, they’d be all “YEAAAAAH BAY-BEEEE!”

      That they’d be his ONLY hits … well … But in a world where Bartolo Colon can throw 38 straight pitches for strikes, I suppose anything is possible. Maybe even time travel.



  2. Butcher's Dog
    April 20, 2012 11:43 am

    She’s cute, alright. Especially when she gets excited (about sports, of course!). But I, too, think this is the year. Even better pitching than last year, one more year of Walker playing second base, and Presley up from the start of the season.



  3. Ex=Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    April 20, 2012 11:44 am

    Maybe if it was his BAC, his average would be higher…Just a thought. Oh well, I believe this is the year, too, but then again, I believed the last 19 were the years as well!

    Let’s go Bucs! Let’s go Pens!



  4. dand
    April 20, 2012 12:57 pm

    I can’t decide which is funnier: the imagery of Casey Hampton or Stevie Wonder hitting the ball.



  5. Rich D
    April 20, 2012 2:49 pm

    85-77! This is the year!



  6. bluzdude
    April 20, 2012 2:51 pm

    Have we not all heard the story of “Casey at the Bat?”



  7. Clair
    April 20, 2012 3:42 pm

    Pirates fan for life, Diamondbacks fan from their very first game in 1998 (lived in AZ then)…this series is hard but I always pull for the Pirates while my hubby leans towards the Dbacks. Its ok tho LOL.

    Pirates 5-7 after this nasty starting schedule? Yeah, I’ll take that cuz it could be a heck of a lot worse!! Now if we can rattle the Cards this weekend…..



  8. johnaz6312
    April 21, 2012 12:54 am

    I have been living here in AZ for 13 years now.Its sad to say that I didn’t know that the Pirates were here till the series was over. I don’t follow the D Backs or the Pirates as well.

    Just got tired of the SLOW torture!




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