Criminals are criminals for a reason

Remember in grade school and junior high school when your gym teacher would make you climb that gosh darned climbing rope to see how high you could get before your hands started to bleed or your arms simply gave out and you tumbled to the mat below, landing with a thump and with fresh rope burn marks on your legs? And you would lay there on the mat, looking up at the stupid ceiling and hear your stupid teacher say, “Okay, you climbed a total of one and a half feet,” and you’d say to yourself, “When am I ever going to need to climb a rope in my life ever? That’s just stupid.”

Well, guess what? There is a time when you might need to climb a rope and that time is when you decide to go Mission Impossible on an Ambridge convenience store by lowering yourself into it via a rope after hours, landing hard on your ass before grabbing some cigarettes and probably some Ding Dongs and what not, and then trying in vain to CLIMB BACK UP THE ROPE.

You gotta go watch the video of this doofus here.

I guess our gym teachers made us climb ropes for a reason after all.

[Gasp!] You guys, does this mean I AM going to be asked to solve for X at some point in my life?!



  1. Cindy T.
    April 24, 2012 3:10 pm

    The best part of the story = he lives above the store, frequents the store often and has a running tab. I guess he couldn’t get the front door open. OMG.

  2. bucdaddy
    April 25, 2012 11:50 am

    Reminds me that every time our police blotter mentions that someone boosted a case of beer from a convenience store, I check to see what kind of beer it was. And (almost) inevitably*, it’s some cheap sh*t like Miller or Bud. And I think, you know, if you’re going to go to prison for stealing beer, why wouldn’t you at least steal good beer?

    Bad enough criminals are stupid, but they don’t even have good taste.

    *–We DID have a guy once who tried to walk out of a store with a bottle of Heineken, and when confronted he threw it at the clerk. One (1) style point.