I am married to a Mexican, so I can tell you this. Cinco de Mayo is not that big of a deal in Mexico, and I say that even though we were married on Cinco de Mayo down in Cancun. But here in America, we love to take that one day of the year and go crazisimo! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s good that we should celebrate all the fabulous things that the Mexican culture has given us here in America.

On Cinco de Mayo, we eat at Mexican restaurants and drink margaritas and say things like, “Ole to all the fiesta in the casa!” Man, your spanish sucks mucho grande if you say crapito like that.

Anyway, true Mexican cuisine is not hard-shell folded tacos or sour cream and shredded jack cheese on top of ground meat and topped with Pace Picante. And it is CERTAINLY not chimichangas. True Mexican cuisine is soft corn tortillas topped with marinated meat and chopped onions and cilantro. Or corn on the cob smothered in mayo and then sprinkled with Tajin and cotija cheese.

Internet? Taco Bell is not true Mexican cuisine.

Also not true Mexican? Doritos. But don’t tell PNC Firstside Center, which has a special treat for Firstside employees to celebrate this Cinco de Mayo according to an email that recently went out to employees:

Attention: PNC Firstside Center Employees

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for fifth of May) is a date of great importance for the Mexican and Chicano communities. It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla. Cinco de Mayo is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state of Puebla.

On Thursday, May 3, beginning at 11:30 a.m., the Firstside Center Service Council will sponsor a Cinco de Mayo event in the Cafe. Individuals from the Firstside Building Management Team will join the fun by distributing bags of Doritos. 

Ole, los employiados! We are so glad you could arriviera to our fiesta celebrating los manos and womenos of Mexico! Here is a bagito of deliciousimo flavored and heavily processed chipitos! Would tu preferita Rancho del Coolio or regularmente Nachito flavorito?

I love you, PNC, for you are my bank for life. But … [falls down laughing].


  1. Sunshine
    May 2, 2012 10:04 am

    Hopefully they are at least springing for full-size bags. Mmmmmm MSG for everyone!

  2. spoon
    May 2, 2012 10:26 am

    Bags of Doritos? Why not pony up and have the Taco Bell Dorito Locos Taco!

  3. inBrookline
    May 2, 2012 10:41 am

    I love when corporations try so hard not to offend anybody that they ultimately come off as slightly offensive.

    By the way, I had some kind of Mexican kock-off of Doritos from the mini bar in my room when I was in Cancun. They were absolutely terrible… some kind of processed lime flavor mixed with… I don’t know… pepper dirt? PNC employees should feel fortunate that they aren’t handing out “authentic” Mexican Doritos.

  4. bucdaddy
    May 2, 2012 10:59 am

    OMG! It’s bigger than an employee get-together, it’s even bigger than a party, it’s an honest-to-God, red-carpet, drum roll and sound the trumpets:


    Given that the word can mean literally anything*, and therefore means nothing, I’m glad the folks at Firstside Center Service Council (which, now that I think of it, also can mean literally anything and therefore nothing; you can rearrange all four words in all their possible combinations and it will still mean nothing: Service Council Firstside Center. See?) at least had some Doritos to munch on while they endured their EVENT!

    *–Although I’m being trained by the advertising industry to believe it’s what they used to just call a sale. You know, where I would expect lower prices on your goods and services than you normally charge, mostly on cars but often at Lowe’s as well. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect from an “event.” My guess is they want to disguise the fact they’re trying to lure you into paying standard prices for their cars and 2-by-4s, or maybe even higher prices, for all I know. “It’s our 365 times a year ‘Marking Up Prices’ Event!” Now sometimes we do get the stupidly redundant “sales event,” but more and more we get idiocy like the “Share the Love Event,” and if it really was an orgy I’d probably take them up on it.

    Anyway, my main purpose in this lengthy off-topic tirade was to ruin your life by making you notice every time you see the moronic say-nothing placement of the word “EVENT” in print or on TV and radio from now until forever.

    • Butcher's Dog
      May 2, 2012 11:45 am

      At my age, bucdaddy, I can’t remember anythng “forever”. Even when reminded by seeing the e-word. Sorry.

      And they couldn’t have had this Cinco de Mayo event on May 4? It had to be May 3? Why? Afraid the chips would ruin the end of the work week? People might slip out early? Inquiring minds want to know. I get that it’s not on the 5th, that being Saturday and all, but seriously? The 3rd?

    • spoon
      May 2, 2012 12:13 pm

      You should see the “event” I have after a bowl of chili

    • Pensgirl
      May 2, 2012 5:29 pm

      Have you noticed that practically every TV show is deemed an EVENT by the network during sweeps? I’ve been irritated by that for years now. I blame NBC and E/R.

      • bucdaddy
        May 3, 2012 11:08 am

        Of course I have (see above). I notice shows don’t just have a season premier anymore, it’s a “premier event!” If it’s spread out over a couple days it’s a “three-night event!” And it’s about the time of year for shows to have season finale events.

        This has been just in the last couple years. Nobody was calling much of anything an “event,” say, five years ago, and now everything is. It’s like somebody passed around a memo.

        The best bad use I’ve seen was an Easter egg hunt for children promo’ed as an “Easter egg event.” Seriously,

  5. Jill
    May 2, 2012 11:11 am

    HA HA! What a hilarious disgrace!

  6. Kilgore Trout
    May 2, 2012 11:16 am

    I love them Mexican chips! I’ll take the Raaaancho de culo, por favor.

  7. Paul
    May 2, 2012 11:45 am

    A corporation is giving free stuff to their employees? That is so 1990s.

  8. rahoffpgh
    May 2, 2012 12:00 pm

    I can’t believe you didn’t mention where in town your readers can sample delicious authentic Mexican food! (winkito del ojo)

  9. Monty
    May 2, 2012 12:04 pm

    This reminds me of the time my brother brought home his asian girlfriend for a BBQ and my mom soaked her hamburger in soy sauce before throwing it on the grill.

    Incidentally, I also learned that day that, in China, “Chinese food” is simply called “food.”

  10. SteelMagnolia
    May 2, 2012 12:29 pm

    @BucDaddy – They probably want to save Friday for in case they have to do a lay off….Doritos are much expensivo, you know….

  11. AngryMongo
    May 2, 2012 12:31 pm

    Wow, this is only slightly less offensive as the mayor in East Haven, Connecticut that said he was going to go home and have tacos for dinner to show solidarity among the Latino community for being harrased by the local police force.

  12. Jenny
    May 2, 2012 12:42 pm

    Several years ago, I took my Mom to an authetic Mexican restaurant. Her order was basically a combo that gave her a sample of just about everything on the menu. As she was making her way through her dish, she said “I didn’t get my Chalupa!” and called the waiter over, asking where it was. He pointed to the corner of her platter, to a flat (taco-size) tortilla, with a variety of sour cream, cheese, guacamole, lettuce, etc (truthfully, I can’t recall it all) and he said “It is chalupa.”

    My Mom’s response: “Well, that doesn’t look like what I get at Taco Bell!”

    Truly, I wanted to crawl under the table.

  13. Rebeccah
    May 2, 2012 1:03 pm

    That is so pathetic that it really isn’t even all that offensive. It’s like a caricature of a fiesta-issima or something.

  14. Noelle
    May 2, 2012 1:29 pm

    I don’t think I’ve heard the phrase “Chicano communities” since the mid-1970s. And even then I think it was on Sesame Street.

  15. Magus Patris
    May 2, 2012 1:53 pm

    Can’t wait for free french fries on Bastille Day!

  16. Julie
    May 2, 2012 2:31 pm

    As a PNC employee that works at Firstside Center, I will be getting my free bag of Doritos on Thursday. Yes its corny and silly, but I like the fact that they try and make our lives a little bit better at work. Heck, we got free hot dogs on opening day!! ;)

    The Firstside Center Service Council is there to coordinate activities for our building. They do tons of charity work on behalf of the bank and its employees. There was a month long drive for Breast Cancer, they are heavily involved in coordinating volunteers for things like the United Way, Grow Up Great, Salvation Army Angels at Christmas. They organize a whole week of activities and huge prizes (biggest is a weekend at Nemacolin but there were several iPads, Blu Ray players, etc…) during Operations Employee Appreciation week.

    I’ve worked for a lot of large corporations that could care less if I lived or died as long as I put in my 40 hours. They may be silly, but I appreciate the little things they do.

    • Julie
      May 2, 2012 2:56 pm

      I’m also curious as to how you managed to get onto the Firstside Center employee email list…lol

    • Noelle
      May 2, 2012 8:56 pm

      I don’t think Ginny was trashing the Firstside Center Service Council, I think she’s just ribbing the fact that they chose (of all the Mexican foodstuffs you could possibly choose from) Doritos. And I’m sure an employee forwarded the email text to her because it’s really, really funny.

      But then, after some thought, what would you choose to pass out to thousands of employees that was fairly cost effective in it’s place?

      • Julie
        May 3, 2012 8:18 am

        Oh yeah, I know….I just wanted to explain what the Service Council did, because passing out Doritos is not its finest achievement…lol.

        I can tell you how they got to Doritos. THey are tortilla chips that are nacho cheese flavored. How much more Mexican can you get???? LOL

  17. hello haha narf
    May 2, 2012 2:34 pm

    what is wrong with me that i prefer the damn hard and folded taco shell that i grew up with?
    wait. don’t answer that before i clarify. if i have ground beef with taco seasoning, i want it in that hard folded shell thingy. if i have gloriously seasoned meat or shrimp, i want it on the fantastic soft tortillas. so i am doing to go with that i am nostalgic and play on your love of old pittsburgh to excuse my eating habits. yep. that’s it. that’s the ticket.

    so back to pnc. aaaaaaaaahahahaha! and also, what do you have against fridays for events?

  18. Nipper
    May 2, 2012 3:01 pm

    from Wikipedia:

    Taco Bell has attempted to enter the Mexican market twice. After a highly-publicised launch in Mexico City in 1992, all the restaurants were closed two years later. In September 2007, Taco Bell returned to Monterrey, this time promoting itself as selling American food, but closed in January 2010 due to low patronage.

  19. bluzdude
    May 2, 2012 4:41 pm

    Perhaps PNC was having a “senor moment.”

  20. Janelle
    May 2, 2012 10:26 pm

    All I know about Mexican food is that everything I ate in Mexico was amazing. So was everything I drank, but I don’t recommend asking the bartender to use high elbows or requesting bottom-shelf tequila.

  21. Paul Ricci
    May 2, 2012 10:47 pm

    This year is the 150th anniversary of the event that inspired Cinco de Mayo. Read it here.

  22. Steverino
    May 3, 2012 10:22 am

    Real Mexican food is yummy. The middle-American Mexican fare around here leaves a lot to be desired.

  23. bucdaddy
    May 3, 2012 11:14 am

    What I’m most offended by is that the likes of Jennifer Lopez and George Lopez are passed off as epitomizing Hispanic culture to Americans. Come on, Latin America, there are hundreds of millions of you; you must be able to do better than that. Even America is represented internationally by George Clooney.

  24. toni
    May 3, 2012 12:29 pm

    I want to hear more about the corn with the Mayo………my other half loves mayo and cheese and he would just love this. Name of this so I can find a recipe please. Thanks!

    • Stacey
      May 4, 2012 1:10 pm

      It’s an Elote… I had it at a rib fest before but they called it Wicked Corn. I couldn’t find it again until someone told me it was a Mexican recipe. It’s fabulous.

  25. Julie
    May 3, 2012 1:20 pm

    Update: I went up for my free Doritos, not only did I get a bag of Nacho Cheese flavored, but a bag of Cool Ranch flavored too!!!