1. “I’m pretty sure it hissed at me” is what I said to my husband this morning when I frantically jumped on him in bed to wake him up and beg him to come to the basement to kill a spider as big as a golf ball. And I don’t mean a spider with a teeny tiny BB body and long skinny legs. I mean a spider with enough meat mass that there is currently a big blob of yellow guts on the floor of my basement. A Texas-sized spider. A spider with a big bulbous body and short thick, surprisingly fast legs. A spider that looks like a tarantula and a cricket had weird bug sex.
It oozed. It crunched. It spurted. It screeched. It returned to the Devil from whence it came.
I might have to set fire to my basement.
2. I don’t have any idea why the new Primero Noticias weatherman dresses like an airline pilot, do you?
These are the things you learn in a semi-Spanish-speaking home.
I miss the weathergirl who called it “Ponx-soo-tway-nee.”
3. Dancing with the Celebrities of Pittsburgh was held this past weekend, which allowed me to stumble upon this video that not only shows dance god Bob Pompeani in practice for the event, but also shows Sonni Abatta’s past performance in which she is seriously too hot.
Well, that was a special treat!
I’d like to see a dance off between Bob, Sonni, and probably Big Bob from 96.1. He’d kill that shit.
4. Leadership Pittsburgh’s Pop-Up Pittsburgh project “We Do. (Take Two.)” is a mass vow renewal celebrating Upper Lawrenceville love:
An Upper Lawrenceville Love Story invites Upper Lawrenceville residents, their friends and families, along with other Pittsburgh-area lovebirds, to make a commitment to each other, and this vibrant neighborhood, through a mass vow renewal.
Other cool things:
- Live music (3-5 p.m.) by Upper Lawrenceville’s own, Slim Forsythe and his New Payday Loners;
- A collaborative-baking attempt at Pittsburgh’s Largest Cookie Table (there’ll be treats for your furry friends, too!). Help us by bringing a dozen or two of your favorites;
- A documentary highlighting Upper Lawrenceville will premiere at the event;
- Family friendly food and drink, fun and games!
They had me at cookie table. Learn more and register at popuppittsburgh.com.
5. Internet, there is a God:
… and he has blessed us with the plentiful, quenching rains of the Flyers’ tears.
6. Those of you out near Robert Morris might enjoy this:
Just Between Friends consignment sale is coming up next weekend (May 18-20) at the RMU Island Sports Dome at Neville Island. Prices are heavily discounted (50-90% off) and a majority of items that don’t sell are donated to Focus on Renewal in McKees Rocks.
I love consignment sales.
7. Always, always, always … when you walk in Downtown Pittsburgh … look up. You might spy Abe Lincoln!
8. Best use of alliteration in a headline ever?
Did they also pick a peck of pickled peppers? Bravo, Trib.
Now, go shit yourself.
I’m JUST KIDDING.
Get Depends first.
(h/t Angry Mongo)
9. Burgher Jesse Landis-Eigsti continues to blow my mind with his incredible reviews over at Jesse Reviews the World. Right now, Jesse is reviewing all three episodes of the Star Wars prequel. He has the first two reviews up and they are just phenomenal. A snippet from the review of Episode II:
I just want to have want to play a quick game here with George Lucas called You Might Think…But!
You Might Think that the most romantic place for your leads to fall in love is in a beautiful fairy-land paradise But it actually removes any sense of danger (remember how Natalie is being pursued by assassins? Neither does the movie; that plot point does not reappear) while making your heroes seem like spoiled sophisticates who thought it would be a lark to travel to Thomas Kinkade-land.
You Might Think that having Anakin describing his love in superlatives (“The thought of not being with you…I can’t breathe! I’m haunted by the kiss you should never have given me…you are in my very soul.”) means his love is extra special, But it actually makes him seem like a teen scribbling love notes in his binder he got from Hot Topic. Remember, you can tell a love story with only five words (“I love you!” “I know.”) or no words at all (WALL-E holds EVE’s hand, everyone cries).
You Might Think that comparing Natalie’s smooth skin to sand is really hot But I am not sure why you would think that.
Go read them both. He seriously has George Lucas’ number.
10. After spending a fortune on wine kiosks that laughed in your face and made it harder for you to buy wine, the PLCB (slogan: “We say who. We say when. We say who.”) has spent $100,000 on an iPhone app to make it easier for you to find your alcohol of choice. They either want to stand in your way with their big shield of obsolescence, or give you a boost up on the horse that will speedily deliver you to the sweet nectar of hops.
Is the PLCB the most schizophrenic government entity in all of America?
Phrase your answer in the form of HELLS YEAH!