Everything I know about successful prison escapes, I learned from the movies.
And what I have learned is that after you escape prison, your first goal is to get out of your prison uniform and into something that will allow you to better blend into the general non-criminal public. A track suit. Some dockers, a t-shirt and a ball cap pulled low over your eyes. Your goal is to look like every single person around you so that you can simply blend in and disappear like cream being stirred into a cup of coffee. That is a fantastic metaphor. I’m going to use that in my forthcoming book Prison Breaking for the Epically Stupid.
McFadden was taken into custody late Tuesday afternoon after he jumped from a counselor’s office window at the Fayette County Prison in an escape attempt that was over almost before it began.
Police said McFadden leaped from the window and landed 20 to 25 feet below on the street.
Then, it was off to the races. But it was a chase that went only for a few blocks.
Several blocks from the prison, McFadden ran into a parking garage where he took off his prison uniform and emerged from the structure wearing only his underwear, socks and shoes.
Has this man never seen a prison-escape movie scene in his life? Quite possibly the only thing more conspicuous than exiting a parking garage wearing a standard-issue prison uniform, is exiting a parking garage wearing only underwear, socks, and shoes.
At the very least, if he wanted to blend in in Fayette County, he should have been carrying a confused and slightly offended sheep.
That way when he exited the garage and the locals told the police, “Just saw a dude walk out of here wearing only underwear, socks, and shoes,” they’d be all, “That’s our guy!” But if the eyewitnesses said, “Just saw a dude leave wearing only underwear, socks, and shoes. And he was carrying a sheep,” they’d be all, “Nothing out of the ordinary here. Keep searching.”
God bless you, Fayette County. Fly your freak flag.