In which Brad Pitt may have suckled at my teat

How’s THAT for a blog post title? I should just end this post right here because there is nowhere to go but down.

Back when I was anonymous, I had to put a first and last name to my email accounts and I certainly wasn’t going with my real name, because smarts, I haz ’em. And I didn’t want to use the usual Jane Doe. So in a moment of shear geniusness (geniosity? geniusism? geniutude? geeni?) I came up with Jane Pitt.

That also became my twitter name when I put @PittGirl to bed. @janepitt.

Do you know there is a famous person named Jane Pitt? I didn’t. Until Brad Pitt’s mother went and wrote a letter to a Missouri newspaper in support of Mitt Romney.

Now, we are NOT going into the politics of this thing, do you understand me? I don’t want to hear in the comments any sort of fight about abortion or homosexuality or gay marriage, got it?

What we are going to go into is the ridiculousness of those on Twitter who seem to think that I am Brad Pitt’s mother:

My name is very clearly listed as “Virginia Montanez” on my profile and I realize I’m getting older, but do I really look like I could have birthed a 48-year-old? Really? I’m seriously going to start moisturizing.

I considered tweeting back to these people all, “ARE YOU HIGH ON STUPID PILLS?!,” but I took the high road instead:

What?

Also, someone make me a new avatar with Jane Pitt wrapped in an American flag, riding a lawn mower, and shooting a gun in the air. Thanks.





15 Comments

  1. Jim W.
    July 11, 2012 8:33 am

    “nowhere to go but down.” So. . . what I took from this post, apart from you not being Brad Pitts mom, is that he suckled at your teat. . . and goes down on you.

    This blog has turned pornographic! I don’t know how the religious right can support your pornography even WITH your anti-gay marriage message, Ms. Pitt!!

    I saw some of the twitter comments and was confused because, as you stated, it says in big letters “Virginia Montanez”. It took me a while to find the @JanePitt and do the mental math.

    I’m not proud of it.



  2. red pen mama
    July 11, 2012 8:51 am

    1. “geniusism”. Brilliant.

    2. “Sweet fancy Moses!” I gotta start using this before my 18mo starts saying the F word.

    Have you picked a new Twitter handle yet? Weren’t the minions going to try to strong arm @Ginny?

    Good luck, Ms. Pitt. Your son is a handsome guy, but he never really turned my crank.



    • Beth
      July 17, 2012 3:49 pm

      You just discovered “Sweet fancy Moses?” It’s one of my favorite (non)curse words. You can even say it in church!!



  3. Uncle Crappy
    July 11, 2012 9:18 am

    May I write about this in my column this weekend? Please?

    P.S. Best to Brad and Angie.



  4. inBrookline
    July 11, 2012 10:26 am

    Dear Mrs. Pitt,

    Please send me a check for the 8 bucks I wasted on seeing the movie Ocean’s Thirteen in the theater. Your son has failed to respond to any of my previous requests for a refund.

    Signed –

    Not A Crackpot



  5. PG Wodehouse
    July 11, 2012 10:38 am

    At least your name isn’t Gerry Sandusky and you don’t live in Sandusky, OH. Internet stupidity knows no bounds.



    • Butcher's Dog
      July 11, 2012 12:31 pm

      Actually, plain old stupidity knows no bounds. The Internet just allows it to spread more rapidly and at the speed of light.



    • Suzie-Q
      July 11, 2012 5:45 pm

      I believe stupidity is now a religion and has many, many followers. Praise be the internet..!!



  6. Moxie Bestos
    July 11, 2012 10:48 am

    If you change your name back, don’t the terrorists win? Oh, wait …



  7. mfj
    July 11, 2012 10:55 am

    So I guess janepitt(notthehomophobicone) would be too cumbersome to type.



  8. Dash66
    July 12, 2012 11:58 am

    I’m just amazed that I’ve yet to see the entertainment news report “Brad Pitt’s mother complains about Brad and Angelina’s cocaine use as well as their frequent use of prostitutes!”



  9. Meghan Rye
    July 12, 2012 9:31 pm

    Oil of Olay… it can help you look younger too!