Tone-deaf doesn’t even begin to describe my singing abilities.
We’ve discussed this. My singing voice makes dogs whine, babies shriek in fright, and toddlers to flat out beg me to stop.
I am the literal true definition of monotone. I can sing one note … A.
That’s it. If you were to write a hit song that only uses A over and over again, I could win American Idol with that song, I’m so good at the A. But the B? The B flat? The C?
I will sing them in the tone of A.
The word “freeeeeeEEEEEeeeee” in The Star Spangled Banner?
So you can bet your bottom dollar, Orphan Annie, that I will not be getting up on stage to sing this Saturday at the First Ever Rock and Roll Live Karaoke event at the Shadow Lounge, benefiting Haitian Families First, Jamie and Ali McMutrie’s nonprofit.
But who will be getting up to sing karaoke with a live band backing them? Lots of amazing and brave Pittsburghers who conquered the A and then said, “Let me see about the other musical notes,” whereas I said, “LET ME SHOW YOU HOW GOOD I CAN SING AN A!”
Not only will you be enjoying that live spectacle, but we have a few special treats for you.
First: Here’s the host for the evening, who will also be performing for us!
No, not Steely McBeam! Randy Baumann of DVE!
Second: These four celebrities will be on hand and whoever gets the most amount of dollars donated to them at the event? Has to get up and sing a karaoke song live with the band.
1. Bill Peduto, current city councilman and possibly our future mayor. Bill tells me he can’t sing (bet he can sing more than the A), but that he’s willing to embarrass himself for the kids of Haiti who are in Jamie and Ali’s care.
2. Next up, performing a duet, hopefully to Endless Love, if they lose/win are Mikey and Big Bob of 96.1 Kiss FM:
Endlessssss looooOOOoooove. (Sang in the tune of A.)
3. And last and never ever ever least, singing a duet with Ali McMutrie if she wins/loses, the one, the only, the super fine Sally Wiggin of WTAE!
How amazing will that be, you guys?
I’ll be there dressed up with my husband and no, again, no amount of alcohol will make me get up and stun you with the power of my A.
And I don’t mean ass.
Although my ass is pretty powerful. If jiggly is powerful. This is weird. Let’s stop talking now.
Third: The winner of the regular karaoke competition will be winning an amazing gift basket from The Scarehouse that includes RIP passes, loot and more.
Anyway, here are the details. It’s only a $15 donation to get in the door and enjoy the amazing time.
Also, it’s an over 21 event, so leave your kiddos at home, no matter how great their singing voices are.
See you Saturday! I’ll be the chick in the high top hat.