What They’re Really Thinking: Noodles edition

Yesterday, we watched the first part of the game at my sister Pens Fan’s house where we dined on the best kept secret wings in the eastern burbs: Black and Gold wings from Colonial Grille  in downtown Irwin.

Then we listened to the second quarter on DVE in the car heading to Upper St. Clair.

Then we watched the rest of the game with my in-laws who are visiting for a month from Cancun, Mexico (as you can imagine, this weather is not their favorito mucho mas queso. I think I got the Spanish right on that, si?).

This conversation happened as we all sat around the table eating while watching the game:

Sister-in-law, gesturing toward my mother-in-law: “Did you see her Halloween costume when she went trick or treating with the kids?”

Me: “No! Is it on Facebook?”

SIL: “Yep. She was a witch.”

Me: [gets out phone to go to Facebook] “Una bruja! Nice.”

My Spanish-speaking mother-in-law: “Si. A bitch.”

SIL: “No. Witch.”

MIL: “Bitch?”

Me: “Wah-itch.”

MIL: “Witch?”

Me: “Yes, witch.”

MIL: “No bitch?”

Me: “No bitch. WAH-ITCH.”

MIL: “Witch.”

Husband: “Bitch es perra”

Four Spanish-speaking nephews and nieces at the table: [GASP!]

So that was an AWESOME conversation and I didn’t even have to ask anyone to say “fock-yous.”

Although on the way home my husband and I had a five minute conversation on how to pronounce raccoon.

Me: “Rack-koon.”

Him: “Rrrrrrrah-ken.”

Me:“Rack-koon!”

Him: “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrah-coin”

Me: “Stop rolling your R!”

Him: “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRack-kewn.”

He’s such a jerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk.

Let’s talk football.

1. Due to the crazed nature of the day yesterday, I was in and out of the game. Catching some things, missing others, so I don’t have a whole lot of detailed game analysis to offer you, and I know how you read these things for detailed game analysis that you can whip out of your pocket and sound football-smart the next time you’re around the watercooler all, “But seriously the Duke of Fug couldn’t be fuglier on the secondary offensive tight end touchback mucho mas queso bitch.”

2. Speaking of weird faces, is Eli Manning always so terrified?

These are Benny’s game faces from yesterday:

That’s the face of a man who has the munchies somethin’ fierce, if you get my meaning, Ricky Williams.

Here’s Eli Manning yesterday, shitting the shit out of his pants:

Poor Casey. Now he’s all distracted.

3. The game started out scary with the Steelers going down 20 to 10 at one point with lots of things going wrong with the Steelers. They seemed out of it, especially Benny who allowed two turnovers. He wasn’t himself. Like someone was hypnotizing the players or something. Even the Giants were acting a bit off.

He couldn’t even throw the ball properly.

That’s how my three-year-old niece throws a football. After I spin her around in a circle 20 times real fast.

4. Ike Taylor had an actual, honest-to-God interception yesterday, which hasn’t happened in a long time. So long, in fact, that even the ball was confused:

5.And here’s where we’ll have a “Choose Your Own Adventure” section!

It’s fourth and inches near the endzone and the Steelers are down by three.

Do you want A. the Steelers to go for it or B. the Steelers to line up for a field goal?

You chose B. Smart choice. Safe choice.

The Steelers line up for a field goal. Do you want A. Suisham to kick the field goal or B. Suisham to fake a field goal and attempt to run the ball through a throng of enormous football players hell bent on bashing his face into the turf?

You chose A. Good choice! The field goal is good and the Steelers have tied the game!

What? You chose B?!?!? WTF is wrong with you?

Here’s what happens when you choose B:

Dumb move by Tomlin for sure. Now, don’t get me wrong. If it had worked and Suisham had run the ball in for a touchdown, I would have started this post with a SQUEEEEEE and a huge picture of him running with the ball and I would have circled a random taut body part of his and I would have put some smiley faces next to it and I would have high-fived Tomlin for his baddassitude and balls of steel.

But this ISN’T a choose your own adventure book, so “dumb move” and terrified noodles it is.

6. Terrified Noodles would make a great band name.

But not as good as Petrified Noodles.

7. I missed the questionable call on Ben Roethlisberger’s tuck or non-tuck, so you’ll have to discuss that amongst yourselves in the comments.

8. Make a note. This is the new “blow to the head” in the NFL. (gif here)

Ribs are the new heads mucho mas queso bitch. — Roger Goodell

I’m going to get that embroidered on a pillow.

8. No matter. The Steelers still won despite those calls and we go to 5-3 and have a Monday night date with the Chiefs.

My sister and I had an actual conversation yesterday that maybe the oft-injured, rapidly aging Troysus needs to retire after this season.

What say you, Pittsburgh?

[ducks]

NOODLES!





8 Comments

  1. eleanorstrousers
    November 5, 2012 3:07 pm

    I had the same Troysus conversation last night. I love him, I’d miss him, and I think he should probably be knighted and sainted and have a Primanti’s sandwich named after him. But I think he should also start thinking about spending Sundays resting his aging bones.



  2. Dweber77
    November 5, 2012 3:18 pm

    Ok I have to share this conversation between my wife and myself.

    Me:
    NOOOOOOOOOODLES!
    i am laughing so hard i almost s**t my pants

    Wife:
    I think that she is my favorite Burgher after Mister Rogers
    Poor Casey Hampton…he’s all distracted now

    Me:
    i cant even scroll past it
    everytime i look at it i start laughing and cant move my mouse scroll wheel



  3. bluzdude
    November 5, 2012 3:57 pm

    I will never look at noodles the same way. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth, while reading this post (at work)



  4. Vivian formerly NY Luvs Pits
    November 5, 2012 6:56 pm

    Noodles. LMBO I’m going to have to share this with the Giants fans at work.



  5. oh please
    November 5, 2012 11:22 pm

    “Bock”! That may be the single funniest thing I have seen on the internet.



  6. Butcher's Dog
    November 6, 2012 11:04 am

    Troysus should retire before he becomes permanently disabled. And I’d totally buy the Primani’s named after him each time I went.

    The officiating in the game generally represented nothing so much as publicly displayed incompetence. And that would make a lousy band name.



  7. Julia
    November 7, 2012 10:44 am

    I’m glad we won, and I was a little surprised we were able to turn it around after some of those horrible, rigged penalties by the refs. BUT, the one good thing about losing a game? Jericho Cotchery apology songs. Seriously. If you haven’t heard it yet, log on to DVE’s website. You will not be disappointed.

    And as for Troy… my fiance and I also had that conversation. All I want is to see him play one more time.



  8. Ketchup is a veggie
    November 8, 2012 4:42 pm

    OMG! My mother in law is Austrian and oh the fun we have with the combo of english and German accent. I have found drinking and nodding to be the best way to go. Best example when she kept saying f*** for the word fork on Mother’s day in Eat n Park during breakfast. She just said louder and louder to the waitress. Yeah, it was awesome. Then our toddlers started chanting it. I just waved to our section. What else is there to do?