Yesterday, we watched the first part of the game at my sister Pens Fan’s house where we dined on the best kept secret wings in the eastern burbs: Black and Gold wings from Colonial Grille in downtown Irwin.
Then we listened to the second quarter on DVE in the car heading to Upper St. Clair.
Then we watched the rest of the game with my in-laws who are visiting for a month from Cancun, Mexico (as you can imagine, this weather is not their favorito mucho mas queso. I think I got the Spanish right on that, si?).
This conversation happened as we all sat around the table eating while watching the game:
Sister-in-law, gesturing toward my mother-in-law: “Did you see her Halloween costume when she went trick or treating with the kids?”
Me: “No! Is it on Facebook?”
SIL: “Yep. She was a witch.”
Me: [gets out phone to go to Facebook] “Una bruja! Nice.”
My Spanish-speaking mother-in-law: “Si. A bitch.”
SIL: “No. Witch.”
Me: “Yes, witch.”
MIL: “No bitch?”
Me: “No bitch. WAH-ITCH.”
Husband: “Bitch es perra”
Four Spanish-speaking nephews and nieces at the table: [GASP!]
So that was an AWESOME conversation and I didn’t even have to ask anyone to say “fock-yous.”
Although on the way home my husband and I had a five minute conversation on how to pronounce raccoon.
Me: “Stop rolling your R!”
He’s such a jerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk.
Let’s talk football.
1. Due to the crazed nature of the day yesterday, I was in and out of the game. Catching some things, missing others, so I don’t have a whole lot of detailed game analysis to offer you, and I know how you read these things for detailed game analysis that you can whip out of your pocket and sound football-smart the next time you’re around the watercooler all, “But seriously the Duke of Fug couldn’t be fuglier on the secondary offensive tight end touchback mucho mas queso bitch.”
2. Speaking of weird faces, is Eli Manning always so terrified?
These are Benny’s game faces from yesterday:
That’s the face of a man who has the munchies somethin’ fierce, if you get my meaning, Ricky Williams.
Here’s Eli Manning yesterday, shitting the shit out of his pants:
Poor Casey. Now he’s all distracted.
3. The game started out scary with the Steelers going down 20 to 10 at one point with lots of things going wrong with the Steelers. They seemed out of it, especially Benny who allowed two turnovers. He wasn’t himself. Like someone was hypnotizing the players or something. Even the Giants were acting a bit off.
He couldn’t even throw the ball properly.
That’s how my three-year-old niece throws a football. After I spin her around in a circle 20 times real fast.
4. Ike Taylor had an actual, honest-to-God interception yesterday, which hasn’t happened in a long time. So long, in fact, that even the ball was confused:
5.And here’s where we’ll have a “Choose Your Own Adventure” section!
It’s fourth and inches near the endzone and the Steelers are down by three.
Do you want A. the Steelers to go for it or B. the Steelers to line up for a field goal?
You chose B. Smart choice. Safe choice.
The Steelers line up for a field goal. Do you want A. Suisham to kick the field goal or B. Suisham to fake a field goal and attempt to run the ball through a throng of enormous football players hell bent on bashing his face into the turf?
You chose A. Good choice! The field goal is good and the Steelers have tied the game!
What? You chose B?!?!? WTF is wrong with you?
Here’s what happens when you choose B:
Dumb move by Tomlin for sure. Now, don’t get me wrong. If it had worked and Suisham had run the ball in for a touchdown, I would have started this post with a SQUEEEEEE and a huge picture of him running with the ball and I would have circled a random taut body part of his and I would have put some smiley faces next to it and I would have high-fived Tomlin for his baddassitude and balls of steel.
But this ISN’T a choose your own adventure book, so “dumb move” and terrified noodles it is.
6. Terrified Noodles would make a great band name.
But not as good as Petrified Noodles.
7. I missed the questionable call on Ben Roethlisberger’s tuck or non-tuck, so you’ll have to discuss that amongst yourselves in the comments.
8. Make a note. This is the new “blow to the head” in the NFL. (gif here)
Ribs are the new heads mucho mas queso bitch. — Roger Goodell
I’m going to get that embroidered on a pillow.
8. No matter. The Steelers still won despite those calls and we go to 5-3 and have a Monday night date with the Chiefs.
My sister and I had an actual conversation yesterday that maybe the oft-injured, rapidly aging Troysus needs to retire after this season.
What say you, Pittsburgh?