1. Okay … this one right here, this #1 on the list is going out to probably only two of you, but where are my peeps who watched The Shield and who also now watch Burn Notice?
You two? WHY DOES LEM ALWAYS HAVE TO DIE?!?
And with that off of my chest, let’s move on to Burghy stuff.
2. I’ve been bugging you for weeks to get me your suggestions for the 2012 Yinzer Gift Guide for Pittsburgh Magazine and you did not disappoint. I cannot wait to share the guide with you probably late next week. I’ll also be having a giveaway of several of the items on the list.
Also, buy me everything on the list. EVERY. THING.
3. I’m ridiculously excited about the Flashdance musical coming to the Burgh. That movie will always be the first thing that made me look at Pittsburgh, even as a teen, and go, “Man. I love this place.” Something about seeing it on a screen, watching her ride her bike across the bridge, seeing Vic Cianca doing his thing, the blue collariness, steaming manhole cover grittiness of it all. Pittsburgh? Fingerhearts.
Today the mayor said January 1, 2013 will be Flashdance Day in Pittsburgh. That means we all wear legwarmers and torn sweatshirts and at some point in the day, dump a bucket of water on our heads while we sit sexily in a chair. Also, remove our bras via the armholes of our shirts.
Can’t wait to see the guys try that move.
4. I meant to share this earlier, but I suck.
The UPMC CancerCenter’s entry for this year’s Pink Glove Dance Competition is all kinds of kickass and even features Charlie Batch:
Idea. Next year? FLASHDANCE! WHAT A FEELING! I’m serious. With special guest star Ken Rice being the one to pull a bucket of water down on himself. And then Luke Ravenstahl runs across a bridge in pink legwarmers.
I’m a genius.
Make it happen.
5. Do you have what it takes to be Pittsburgh’s next reality star? Is your life full of awesomeness that the world needs to know about? Did you give birth to fourteen babies and then decide to birth five more and form a skydiving team? Then you’ll want to check this casting call out.
They’re already getting video auditions: one from a body builder who now impersonates Elvis, and another from a law student who has a collection of tank tops.
They’ll hold an open casting call at WQED studios in Oakland on Nov. 17.
Once they pick a winner, they’ll make a video showcasing the winner’s life, and then they’ll shop it around to various networks to see if it becomes a series.
I don’t mean to be rude, but what would a reality show built around a law student who collects tank tops look like?
I have an idea and it starts with “hot” and it ends with “mess.”
Watch that be the one who gets picked, and the show becomes a huge success, and that person becomes the next Snooki or Situation.
Oh, IDEA! Reality show about a female steelworker who dances at night and then goes on to date the owner of the mill and then he convinces her to try out for a swanky dance school and then at one point she angrily gets out of his car in the middle of a tunnel and starts walking and also, she takes her bra off via the sleeve holes of her ripped sweatshirt. WINNER.
Also, before you discount this whole reality show casting call, please note that Carl Kurlander is behind it. THE Carl Kurlander.
Now I’ve got St. Elmo’s Fire stuck in my head.
6. The Sprout Fund is requesting proposals for up to $1,000 to connect communities in Pittsburgh. Find out how to apply here.
7. There’s a secret pinball clubhouse in Lawrenceville, and tomorrow, you can get a look inside.
I suck at pinball so badly you could base a reality show on it.
It would be called SUCK: The Life of a Pinball Loser.
8. I’m almost done writing up my column about my flight with the 171st Air Refueling Wing. Those guys and girls are amazing people.
9. A deer crashed into a local carpet business, ran amok, and then walked out the front door like he owned that shit.
SOMEBODY is gunning for a reality show. It will be called Badass Bambi.
Is there such a thing as “Reality Show Namer?” Because I’d like to apply for that job.
10. I’d for sure watch a reality show about the Taser-Resistant Drunks.
He was tased FIVE TIMES before they got him under control.
Are we sure he’s not a supervillain?
11. How is Taser Resistant Drunks not a band name yet?
Or a reality show for that matter?