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Switched at birth.

Last night. My daughter’s bedroom.

Her: I got this from my teacher’s library. Can you read it to me?

Me, aloud: Uh. Sure.

Me, internally: SON OF A MOTHERLESS HAIRLESS FATHERLESS LEGLESS ASSHOLE GOAT.

Three minutes later.

Me: The end. So as you can see, the moral of the story is that pigeons shouldn’t drive buses because they are the very incarnation of evil.

Her: [blink]

Me: Night night. [kisses her on her head and turns her light out]

Her: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Her: I wish I had a pet pigeon.

Hey. Are you an animal lover who gave birth to a half-Mexican girl in December of 2006?

I think I might have your daughter.

Because this one ain’t mine.





18 Comments

  1. Craig
    January 25, 2013 10:50 am

    What’s the pigeon word for karma?



  2. Michelle
    January 25, 2013 10:50 am

    Instead of the pet pigeon, you can get the rest of Mo Willems’ pigeon books out of the library :) I jest, but I do love his books. Also check the Knuffle Bunny books. They may make you a little teary, though, especially Knuffle Bunny Free.



  3. Clair
    January 25, 2013 11:07 am

    that book was my son’s absolute FAVORITE (and likely still is, even though he is 9 now)…there are a couple more Pigeon books as well hahahaha :)



  5. John
    January 25, 2013 11:13 am

    Sounds like something my boy would do. Same age and he can push my buttons. Sounds like your daughter knows your button to push.



  6. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    January 25, 2013 11:35 am

    The Legion of Pigeon Defenders you always annoy? They’re sitting around thinking “Our curse on her is working! Bwahhahahahahahah!”



  7. AngryMongo
    January 25, 2013 11:46 am

    My daughter brought me this one to read to her before bedtime, once.
    Tikki Tikki Tembo http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/tikki.html

    I wanted to rage quit the English Language after page three.



    • empirechick
      January 25, 2013 1:03 pm

      I love that one! I remember a slightly different version, though: Tikki Tikki Tembo Nosarembo Charley Barley Roochy Pip Berry Pembo. No idea why that is stuck in my head after all these years.



  8. facie
    January 25, 2013 11:58 am

    Hahahaha! I needed that laugh today.



  9. Rob Carr
    January 25, 2013 11:58 am

    I read this post to Cirrus the African grey parrot.

    Her response? “Heh heh heh.” It was very much an “evil villain quietly chuckling over the successful progress of a nefarious plot” laugh. She has wings, so she couldn’t rub her hands together in stereotypical glee.



  10. WI Mom
    January 25, 2013 1:02 pm

    There is actually a whole series of that pigeon book, so be prepared.



  11. LisaB
    January 25, 2013 1:09 pm

    Ginny, is your version “Throw All the Pigeons Under the Bus”? Because I’ll volunteer to illustrate that for yinz.



  12. Suzie-Q
    January 25, 2013 4:35 pm

    Hmmm children begin rebelling against their parents at such a young age these days… !!!



  13. Butcher's Dog
    January 25, 2013 10:31 pm

    You think things are rough now? Just wait ’til puberty. Just sayin’.



  14. KatieB480
    January 26, 2013 10:58 am

    Have you shared your thoughts on pigeons with her the way you have with us before now?? Because that sounds a lot like my daughters getting a laugh at me when they brought home a book about snakes and how they reproduce.. Just specifically to gross me out. Sounds like a set up to me!! Watch out Ginny.. I have one that just hit puberty./. and yeah.. she has a go at me regularly…just like that.



  15. bucdaddy
    January 26, 2013 11:45 am

    Get her a mourning dove, see if she can tell the difference.



  16. PA Girl in VA
    January 26, 2013 11:53 am

    I just saw this book yesterday afternoon at B&N and immediately thought you you.