WHEEeeee?

Back in 2011 the URA released an April Fool’s edition of their e-newsletter featuring this:

Today the City of Pittsburgh in conjunction with the URA, Allegheny County and the Port Authority announced plans to construct a zip line that will run from the Duquesne Incline in Mt. Washington to the North Shore.

To which I responded:

ZIP LINE. ZIP. LINE.

Best idea ever. Get on that, someone of import.

Guess what?

The half-mile proposed zip line would cross the Ohio River at 50 mph and with a 400 foot vertical drop. Young will use the grant funds to bring a national zip line company to Pittsburgh to conduct a feasability study.

Young says the project has verbal arrangements with property owners at the proposed take-off and landing sites.  A landing platform would be constructed at the North Shore location with enough height to prevent interference with river traffic.

Are you kidding me? Zipping over the Ohio River from Mt. Washington and landing on the North Shore at speeds approaching Turnpike-mph?

If you don’t wear a Batman cape the first time you do it, I don’t even know who you are anymore.

A Spiderman suit will also be acceptable.

[swishes cape and runs off in dramatic fashion]

[runs back in dramatic fashion]

Also … suck it, Portland.

[swishes cape and runs off again in dramatic fashion]





15 Comments

  1. Aimee
    February 6, 2013 12:10 pm

    WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    So there. In costume.



  2. G-Man
    February 6, 2013 12:40 pm

    Hugh Jackman wants to be the first one to ride and Oprah plans to cover it on one of her shows.



  3. Jim W
    February 6, 2013 1:39 pm

    My parents’ neighbor built one in his back yard. It couldn’t have cost him more than a couple hundred dollars. I’ll see if he bid on this project.



  4. bluzdude
    February 6, 2013 1:55 pm

    Who’s going to figure out a way to stop partway down, so they can peep on a Steelers game?



  5. AngryMongo
    February 6, 2013 2:03 pm

    Can I use it to zip from Robinson to Monroeville, bypassing all the traffic at rush hour?



  6. hello haha narf
    February 6, 2013 3:04 pm

    sonofabitch, i wanted to do it with a cape and now that you put it in print everyone would think i stole the idea from you! fuck it, i don’t care what they think. i will be superman and i will love it!



  7. Dave
    February 6, 2013 3:21 pm

    This would be the most epic of the epic things ever. But I’m sure Edgar Snyder is rubbing his hands together while looking at his attorneys and saying in an evil genius voice “Excellent, mhaaaawwwwww, Excellent!”



  8. Magus Patris
    February 6, 2013 4:46 pm

    Some yinzer will get his mullet stuck in it and spoil the fun for all of us.



  9. Jim
    February 6, 2013 6:01 pm

    What about a Superman suit?



  10. Vannevar Bush
    February 6, 2013 8:03 pm

    Does the zipline have a bike lane?



  11. Dan (Not Onarato)
    February 7, 2013 8:07 am

    Im not too sure about this. Will it be up year round?

    Although it would very cool to do and I would definitely try it, Im not sure I want a photo of the confluence with a carnival ride in the middle of it or as Magnus said, a photo of the skyline with a yinzer stuck in the middle of it because of his plummage got tangled.



  12. bucdaddy
    February 7, 2013 11:51 am

    So … $34.95 if you ride it by yourself, $24.95 apiece if two people ride it, $14.95 apiece for three.



  13. spoon
    February 7, 2013 11:54 am

    I’ll only do it if Steely McBeam is on the other end to catch me.



  14. Iron Mike
    February 7, 2013 12:01 pm

    Port Authority? Are you kidding me? Once the Port Authority gets a hold of it they will either:

    a) make the prices too high so they can fund the union pension
    b) cut service halfway over the Ohio because they need to find ways to save money so they can fund the union pension. No need to worry about plumage since everyone will just fall in the river and have to swim the rest of the day.